One of the things we both wanted was to remain amicable, good parenting partners, and possibly even friends afterwards.
Unfortuantely, our separation now in the middle of negotiating stages, and living quarters disagreements, has become tense, somewhat hostile, and somewhat of a mudflinging affair.
Is this just the natural progression from all the stress and pent up anger of the situation......and can we still return to what we had envisioned with a little time?
Or will the hurt and hate always be partially there, beause we are both starting to lose faith that things will be amicable in long run.
Lots of disdain at moment, and we've both made mistakes and done questionable things causing heartache to each other.
Will this pass once we're in separate places?
2007-01-22 01:56:40 · 11 answers · asked by Kaboom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
During my divorce things started going that way untill we talked and realised that most of the problems were caused by our lawyers, if you think about it the longer they can keep you two arguing the more money they make. You both need to be realistic and realize that this thing is going to end up somewhere between what you want and what she wants. Then if you ad in what the lawyers will cost both of you, neither will end up with as much as you thought you would anyway. So why pay the lawyers to fight this out. Sit down with her at a nuetral place and start compromising.
2007-01-22 02:08:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know i became bitter after all the fighting in court and all the money spent, She would not give up, it was just a way for her to control and cause me pain, knowing I loved my kids. So i could not be amicable with her, the only time i talk to her is when she lets me know when the kids are coming. I have come to know what shes like and how she tries to use the kids against me. All communication is via mail. For me thats the best way. I dont trust her at all.
2007-01-22 10:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by P_a94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, It can work. My parents went through the most nastiest divorce and it took them 9 months, Then turned around and got back together 5 months after it was final. They put my sis and I through hell and back just to get back together again when they realized no one else wanted them. I still have ill feelings about all that. Divorces seem to bring out the worst in people but if you are both committed to your kids (as it should be) then I'm sure things will work itself out in the long run. Good luck, I wish you well, in your hour of hell.
2007-01-22 10:08:17 · answer #3 · answered by Destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it can, but only if BOTH of you want it. I have been divorced 8 years. I lost the house my family inheritance bought us. It was a nasty split for awhile. He did not see our kid over the Christmas holidays. There were hateful words, tears and several visits to court.
Even now I get upset with him because he pays a fraction of his court ordered child support. But he is a good dad to our kid. And just this weekend, he & his wife, our child, myself & my boy-friend all had dinner together before sitting together to watch the kiddo's school play.
It can happen. But both of you must have your mind's set to make it work.
2007-01-22 10:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Marianimal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will never pass. Even if one of you can move on with your life, the other one will be jealous. It is good to remain civil, but NEVER think you can be friends because anything you tell him in confidence will be used against you FOREVER. So DO NOT tell him anything you dont want used against you later, because he will. Be polite but that is all. Trust me, it happened to me and he destroyed my relationship with my fathers family forever and tried to turn my kids against me. Now he has NO rights to the children at all because I took him to court and proved him unfit. The scary thing is I never knew what he was doing by alienating me from my family and kids for TWO YEARS until my son finally spoke up and told me everything.
2007-01-22 10:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK LOOK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you have some kids, I don't so maybe I have no clue
what do you both value most, together or apart? That the kid is happy and has a good future, right?
Then you put ALL the past issues, money issues, whatever else, aside so you you can provide that for the kids.
Don't put that kid in the middle of your fight.
Just make peace and be friends, whatever it takes.
2007-01-22 10:04:05 · answer #6 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only if the choose to do so.... I would hope so that over time at least that this can happen. You both need time to heal and get past the pain of this and you may very well need counseling too.
2007-01-22 10:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think once u arrive at this stage see them at their worst, that the hate will be there, especially with the spouse who looses in the negotion process. u are always going to carry that with u, unfortunately sometimes we just can't move on and not see that person anymore, if we have children by that person. no one wants to loose out, and have to give up things and i don't think the dislike will ever end.
2007-01-22 10:09:02 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stranger things have happen, but you are making it hard behaving like this.
2007-01-22 10:01:07 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lawyers have been known to spoil marriages and friendships.
2007-01-22 10:48:17 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋