i love him but?

Question

he accuses me of things like cheating on him flirting with other men i dont though and when i told him i was really against cheating he said i only said that to stop him getting the truth that i do we have been together for four years and i love him so much i just want to be trusted and when we argue isay things to hurt him coz he makes me so mad but always regret them ive tried changing things to stop him getting like this and recently he has been better but every now and then he will have a massive blow out and go over the top paranoid like today i told him my friend has just started seeing someone and i said to her have you yet meaning sex and told him just in conversation and he lost the plot saying i wants to be single i dont love him help

Answer 1

you have 2 problems from what I can gather from this... first off, why stay with someone who continually accuses you of things? If you don't have trust in a relationship, you don't have anything!! You can't be happy in a relationship when you don't trust someone, or your the one thats not being trusted, and 2, sounds like he has a temper problem... you know the old saying, and its often true, if someone is accusing you of doing something, and your not, they are feeling guilty for doing what they are accusing you of... good luck!

Answer 2

He is extremely insecure. Before you can decide on this relationship, you need to know WHY.
Here are some possible explanations:
1. You act in a way that HE perceives as flirting even though you do not perceive it that way or you do little things to provoke his behavior because of your insecurities. Solution: Modify your behavior.
2. He cheats on you. It is not unusual for a cheater to be concerned about being cheated on since, obviously, they assume it is what you do as well. Solution: Kick em to the curb.
3. He does not feel adequate. Solution: Work on his ego issues.
If you have been together four years and he still doesn't trust why....why is he wasting your time? The purpose of a lengthy relationship is to BUILD trust. If he doesn't know he can trust you by now, when will he? If there is no trust, the foundation to this relationship is weak. I am also concerned someone with trust issues this profound may become abusive to you. Please be careful about deciding to spend your life with this man.

Answer 3

There is some underlying problem here. He is either cheating on you and his guilty conscience makes him accuse you of cheating. Which is were the saying the empty can always rattles comes from. Or, he has seriously been hurt by someone before and he has very serious trust issues.

I would just tell him that I am not cheating on him and that I don't appreciate being accused of it all the time. And ask if he has been hurt before and tell him that he has to remember that you are not that girl and that he either has to trust you or you have to move on. Because you can not have a decent relationship with trust issues already being a problem.

Answer 4

OMG... paranoia and jealousy really means he can be a nasty, hurtful person, i really dont no what i can tell you, i no u love him but you will never be able to have a life of ur own, he will be watchin every move u make and if it hasnt already happened, he will force ur mates away from you so he has u all to himself.

this is not healthy, and it will only make u unhappy. try sittin him down, and in a calm manner (dont get angry, no matter what he says) tell him what he is like towards you, and that unless things in ur relationship you WILL leave him. the calmer u are, the more he will listen to you (i learnt that from experience).

he is probably so scared to loose you, but he doesnt realise how badly he is treatin you. you have got to tell him otherwise everythin in ur life will start to go down hill and u will start feeling depressed, for a problem that is not caused by you.

you are worth more than to be treated like this hun, there are plenty of men out there who do not play mind games, and believe me, if it carries on u have got to get out of this relationship, cos the same thing has happened to me and now i am married again to the best man i have ever met.

some stories do have a happy ending. decide what u want and go for it.

i wish u all the luck in the world hun and hope everythin works out ok for you xxx

Answer 5

There is no trust, there is NO POINT. Sorry honey, you may love him, but your relationship is over. If it's over, why are you still in it?

End it now, and get on with your life and making yOURSELF happy. Mourn the loss and end of your time with this guy, and then move on. life is so short, too short. Do you really wanna be hit by a bus while you are thinking about how unhappy you are? or die under it's wheels thinking about how much you love shopping/your friends/your NEW GUY!

When it's dead, it's time to bury it. Good luck honey, you will be alright soon enough.

Answer 6

as to the above question im the bloke and i was paranoyed at one stage in my life because i have been cheated on before and been to the doctor and have recently been alot better and i did not say my partner wanted to be single or are cheating on me i simply asked why she was intrested in her friends sex life cos shes only been with him for 1 day so far so and i didn't understand why she was asking her friend thing like that girls at school use to say things like that i feel she has a sex life with me so why are u so curious about others or am i not good enough in the bedroom department and as for the accusation of VIOLANCE give me a break and i did feel insecure at times but only cos its happened to me before and i use to think she would leave me for a richer or better looking bloke but i have changed alot now

Answer 7

he is paranoid get out of that relationship before things take a turn for the worse and turn physical ive seen it all before you confront them they promise they will change and everything goes back to the same way but worse as they know youre forgive them and take them back as soon as they say sorry. this is your life go out have fun dont let no man hold you back you say you love him but if you was out of that relationship and went into another one when you were ready you will know you made the right decision also if you have kids or want kids this aint no environment to bring them up in they will have no life and will be a prisoner in that cycle your in

Answer 8

you really need to find your identity in this relationship. or moreso, find your own identity! "you just want to be trusted"? what have you done to make him not trust you? you both sound like you need to sort help with your idividual issues before being together otherwise your relationship is based on yours and his co-dependency on each other based on isuues with trust.
shouldn't a realtionship - especially one that has been for 4 years have some sort of definitition and foundation which usually stems from trust.
if you love him, there really should be no "but" darling.

Answer 9

I sympathize totally! I have the same kind of boyfriend and i know experts will say to dump him, i cannot do this. at least not yet. the only way i would is if i felt like i was in danger. but i do love him and i believe he is my soul mate. he has some issues but with your help and understanding he could change and become more secure in his relationship with you. good luck with him!

Answer 10

No matter what others advise you will ultimately do what is in your heart, however, all I can do is tell you what happened to me. I was very young and my fella was very much the same, his first wife had walked out on him and his young daughter, hence I did everything possible to make him trust and believe in me, after 20years I gave up and left!