Forever Together…
Forgotten my dreams I’ve collected over the years,
They’ve all turned into empty books that lie in dusty cabinets.
Waited all my life for you,
And though I don’t even own one wrinkle
Believe me it’s been long enough.
Id sacrifice everything for you,
A smile and I’m yours always,
Forever alone and yet together.
My dreams of being an artist and living somewhere in Canada
Wouldn’t mean a thing anyway
If you weren’t there
And so I just wanted you to know
That I love you,
So wherever u want to go,
I will go too.
2007-01-21 23:42:15 · 14 answers · asked by Lindsay T 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
not bad at all - you deserve a 8
2007-01-21 23:45:51 · answer #1 · answered by proud_mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad.... From a poet's point of view, I'd say there's a line or two that you could have changed a bit to make it more flow better. "My dreams of being an artist and living somewhere in Canada" for example. Maybe try, "my dreams of getting out of this place, (and/or) being famous" that may work out good, with the right wording. I love how you started it out. My poems tend to drift into metaphors too. Your ending is really good too. Work on punctuation also. I know poems are whatever the writer makes it, but punctuation makes it flow better.
How old are you? Just curious. I hope you take this as good constructive critisism, and not someone houndin on you or making fun of you. lol In order to ask someone's opinion, you have to be able to take the good AND the bad.
Overall, I'd give your poem a 7. Good job. And, Keep writing!
;o)
2007-01-22 07:57:19 · answer #2 · answered by Sweets 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of the sentiments here make me a bit uneasy.
For example :
"My dreams of being an artist and living somewhere in Canada
Wouldn’t mean a thing anyway
If you weren’t there."
Seems more of a dependency than love. All this neediness and clinging ...
2007-01-22 08:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by Cleo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wondurful. I'm also a poet. Several of mine have been published on poetry.com. You should try to publish yours. That way no one could steal the idea. But that little part ;
My dreams of being an artist and living somewhere in Canada.
Instead of Canada, you should say,
somewhere far off from here. Or Faw away from this place.
2007-01-22 08:00:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this a poem or a song?
There's no rhyme scheme
And no metre,
Just a collection of phrases.
Put it together in paragraph form
And call it a story,
But as far as being a poem,
I would say it's not that good.
See how easy it is
To write a poem
Using your technique?
It requires no real talent at all.
Sorry, but you asked.
2007-01-22 07:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mitch 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beautiful,very sweet and smooth! I rate it 7/10
2007-01-22 07:46:47 · answer #6 · answered by Pinky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 :]
2007-01-22 07:45:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like someone is sacrificing WAY to much to be with someone who "loves" them, so much in fact that it doesn't sound like love at all, especially if someone is willing to let you give up your dreams to follow their own..... sorry:O(
2007-01-22 07:50:04 · answer #8 · answered by XXXDirtyDirtyGirlXXX 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To good 2 be true :)
2007-01-22 07:45:28 · answer #9 · answered by Lorina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10+.
I Cr 13;8a
2007-01-22 07:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋