is it a domestic violence?

Question

I just wondered what to do. I am a foreigner, and came to the country
on a fiancee visa and get married.
I am staying at home all the day long, and as we live in a very small
place, I can go nowhere, because there is only one car, and the
husband takes it when he goes to work. Even the supermarket is in the
other small town, I tried to go there by foot, it took me almost two
hours one way.
He closed me inside the house, and went to work, and took the keys
with him, and tuned the heating off.
For the first six days there was no food at the house at all, my
husband just brought me a pack of grated carrots, and told me to eat
this. He said he had no time to go and buy food, and there was an
empty fridge. He came home normal, for six days, and watched TV and
went to bed. When I asked to buy something more, he told me that he
had no time, and that he had seen many women thinner than me who were
on diet.
Then I called my parents, and they send me some money, and I walked to

and I walked to
the post office in another town, for two hours, to get them. When I
went out of the post office, there was my husband with the car, he
asked me in, an then started telling me that I went there looking for
other men. He brought me home, and I had no time to buy any food in
the supermarket.
I asked him to show me how to drive, or enrol me in some driving
course, but he said that we'd better wait till I become a citizen,
which is at least 5 years wait.
Then he told me that I was looking for men on the computer, and
threatened to protect it with password, so that I won't be able to use
it. I got the password and used it when he was out.
He is constantly saying to me: "If you do not try to please me harder
I will send you to the airport."
He, himself, posted his ad with photos on-line and started chatting to
a woman, and met her several times, and calls her "my girlfriend".
That woman came here on a marriage visa as well, but it is a fake
marriage, and she

That woman came here on a marriage visa as well, but it is a fake
marriage, and she actually works for the man who considers to be her
"husband". He has an enterprise which grows fish, and she works there.
My husband is constantly telling me how wonderful that other woman
is, and how she can drive, and I can not, and how she is
self-sufficient, and I am not.
He said that he wanted even to get her a car.
He did not want to get a car for me.
The last day he got angry with me and said: "You will get no food
today, because you behaved badly."
He does not let me call my parents, and got angry when I did.
When at work and with others, he is very taciturn, and quiet, and
respectful. Anytime we go somewhere, we went to meet his sister and
her husband, she opens doors to me, helps me out of the car, and is
very polite. Before we went there he bought me presents, and we showed
it to the sister and her husband.
I do not really know what to do, I dropped everything back home,

I
rented a place, and dropped it, and a job, and it is impossible to go
back, because I will have no money to pay rent there and stay on, and
won't find a job because it's very bad back there with jobs.
I told him that maybe I can make some money on-line, since we have a
computer, maybe run some web -site or something, but he said it was a
pretext to meet men on-line.
And I do not know what to do.

And I can not complain, since he never beat me or anything, and who
will ever believe me if I do, since even people here do not believe
me? And he is constantly trying to belittle me, once we were in the
room together and I was leafing through a magazine, and he started
talking to me really quick, on purpose, and I did not understand, and he said:
"See? You are just plain stupid, you do not understand human speech."
Maybe then he would say that I was stupid to find food or that I refused to eat, or
something, or that I misunderstood him.

Answer 1

This sounds to me like a classic case of domestic violence. Get out of this relationship as fast as you can. There are millions of other men in this country who will treat you much better then the man you are with now.

Answer 2

This is absolutely domestic violence. He is an extremely cruel and sick man. Since you are married, you could go to your local common pleas courthouse and file for a restraining order for domestic violence. This protection order would restrain him from your home (he would have to leave) and this could give you the opportunity to figure out what you need to do next. Please do not live your life this way. That is no way to live and I feel so bad for you. Whatever you do, do not end up pregnant. There are probably womens shelters in your area you could go to that at least would allow you to become self sufficient. He is making sure that you arent, he is treating you like a slave. He has taken away your basic rights. He is abusing you in many many ways. He sounds like a very sick and disturbed man and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this mess. You have to get out, I don't know how but when there is a will there is a way and I wish you the best of luck. I wish there was more I could do for you, this really has me upset, I feel horrible for you. Please do some online research while he is away as far as shelters or how you can get a restraining order in your county, or whatever else resources are available to you, if not even for now then for later, just make sure that you dont get caught. If you need to talk or have any questions please email me at [e-mail] I dont know where you live but I would like to help you in any way I can. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 3

Firstly you must understand you are NOT the only woman this is happening to. Then, you must understand that what he is doing IS abuse and IS neglect. I hear psychological abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse by neglecting to provide for you, and so much more you have not said.

You have one option - to go to the nearest church or welfare office and seek a "place of safety". Tell them your story and understand that you HAVE to get out of that situation. The beatings have not yet begun, but as a counsellor let me advise you they may well commence when he finds someone else or when he gets tired of his "game". He is a sick little man, I'm so sorry to tell you - and you have to put distance between you. The hardest part will be closing the door with the conviction you CANNOT, under any circumstances, return. If you can make that decision, your future is open again in front of your eyes.
Walk out, go to the local church and ask for help. If it means you go back where you came from, that's what you do. You do WHATEVER it means to survive - you hear?... Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like he is using you. Look up a battered woman's shelter near your home online and call them. Ask them what you can do. There are places, shelters you can stay at and places to help you get jobs. Don't think that you have to stay there. No food is ridiculous. Nobody has the right to treat another human being like that. Sounds like he knows he can scare you because you are in his neck of the woods. Just be careful when you use the computer to find info because he probably will track what you are looking up. Good Luck

Answer 5

Honey, if you know someone who lives around you, i would suggest you leave asap. sounds like this guy is a control freak he has already seen how far he can push and trust me from experience he will do more and more as long you let him. yes this is violence you do need to report his @$# to the police he is crazy. I have saw this kind of stuff before and not trying to make you afraid but the husband is in prison for the reset of his life and the lady is gone and never coming back either if you no what i mean. So find you someone to teach you how to do all the things you want to do nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Answer 6

Sounds like your husband is a real piece of work. Domestic violence by definition means physical abuse, however you are the victim of mental abuse and battery.
You need to seek out an abuse shelter, there are programs to help you become self sufficient. It would likely be best to go to a larger city and check out the Salvation army and other womens services.
You can be self sufficient, it wont be easy and will take great effort on your part but there is no reason for you to go on living as a slave.

Answer 7

Yes this is emotional abuse and physical abuse also, if he is not feeding you....you are not a slave, tell him the next time he threatens to take you to the airport, that you would prefer him to do so because you are trapped, no matter how hard you think it may be to get a job in your country, I am sure you will be better off, if you have family there, ask if you can stay with them until you have enough to go on your own. Just get away from this man, he thinks he bought himself a slave...don't do this to yourself, go back home. God Bless you and may God give you the strength to make the right decision to go back.

Answer 8

This isn't violence but it is abuse and you have to find a way to get out. Do not let him prevent you contacting your family as you will need their help and support. Depending on which country you are in look for email addresses or telephone numbers for Citizens Advice Bureaux, or Social Services. There are support organisations who can give you advice and a safe place to stay but you must get out. Good luck.

Answer 9

The soon you leave the better. The longer you stay the harder you will find it to leave. Believe me. look on the internet for a shelter you can go to, and try to get some form of counselling. some religious groups offer non judgement couselling for no cost. Good luck

Answer 10

He has total control of you. Weak men thrive on women that stay at home with no career, no education and family far away. You need to get a job and leave this situation before it gets a lot worse.