Need Marriage Help!?

Question

I have been married for almost 10 years. We have had a rocky marriage (drug use, domestic violence, affairs). Dispite the problems we have worked things out and have moved on. The problem is that he has total control of all of our money (I don't work I take care of the kids and home, he works and has his check direct deposited into his personal bank account). He spends the money as he see's fit weather the bills get paid or not is up to him, weather we have all the personal needs met is up to him. He doesn't pay the bill's and doesn't get all of the things that we need. He refuses to tell me what he does with the money. He run's off all of the time. He has a ton of female friends which he calls, does favor's for, and spends hours at there houses. I don't know what is going on. Should I leave or should I get counciling?

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to get a job and stop being so dependent on him and then move out. His behavior will not change and he will continue to do this until it gets worse and you can't handle it anymore. 10 years is long enough. Good luck

Answer 2

Forget the counseling. He is using you as his personal door mat and will continue to do so simply because he knows that he can get away with it. If he really loved and cared about you there wouldn't be any drugs, abuse, or affairs going on. If you are afraid to leave then you need to contact your local domestic abuse hot line. Often time they can help you in ways that local law enforcement cannot or will not. Domestic violence is a crime and that is something that law enforcement can do something about. Also if there is drugs being brought into your home then you really need to remove not only yourself from that environment, but your kids as well. Social services could come and remove the kids from your custody simply because they would consider your home to be an unsafe and dangerous environment. The fact that your husband is cheating should really be the least of your worries. Moving on and making sure that you and your kids are in a safe and wholesome environment should be your number one priority here. You are not a door mat, neither are your kids, don't let him continue to treat you as such.

Answer 3

Talk to him,find out if he would be prepared to receive councelling with you,(make sure you find a good councelor one which suits you both).If not or he refuses too see that there is a problem then you should go alone,a good councelor won't fill your head with ideas,but encourage you to talk about what is bothering you and help you sort out whats already on your mind and what changes you would like too see in your life, too make it better.In the meantime make a list,writing things down helps you to visualize and prioritize your needs and wants.If it's your decision to stay,start thinking of earning your own money ,think of a suitable job, who would be a trustworthy person to child mind while you were at work and find out if they would be prepared to help you out .I am assuming that your husband sees this as your roll and might not be willing to give up his life style too take care of the kids.The problem i foresee here reading your question is that your husband knowing you have an income may cut back/cut off the little that you receive from him already but at least you will feel that you have some control over your own life.In the event that you chose the option of leaving,consider where you would go,find out what help in the form of benefits and help you would be entitled too and how much your husband would be expected too pay towards you and your children.Make a plan (again write it down) for both options and read them over,you will feel either way that you have some control of the situation when you see your options written down in black and white.Good luck too you, i wish you well .

Answer 4

You need to learn to say 'enough is enough' and walk away. Your far too good for him.

Honestly, it seems like he doesnt care about you or the kids. The only person on his mind is him. He doesnt care what happens, he doesnt care about your feelings or the kids. Why waste your time with someone who has hit you and had affairs. He knows your a door mat, sorry but its true. When the affair(s) happened you forgave and forgot. When there was violence you forgave and foget.

If I was you, as soon as he put a hand on me Id kick his @ss right out the door.

Leave him now and dont look back.

Answer 5

you should leave for a while and get counselling. if he's left with the kids, he's bound to be more responsible and understand you better. if by the end of few months he's still the same, then get a divorce and take the kids away, making sure he provides for the kids. normally the court is in favour of the mother in such instances.

Answer 6

Leave! he needs the counselling. Also if he has total control of the finances maybe you could approach his Boss and tell him the situation and get some money lodged into your account. My mate did that and it worked for her. good luck

Answer 7

Get a job and start taking control of your own life. Even if you need to put the kids in daycare. You need to have a life too.

Answer 8

If u r happy, continue. If not, get out. Neither u r going to change ur ways of no interest in mundance things nor will he permit u to interfere. What will couselling do?

Answer 9

RUN, RUN, RUN FAST and don't look back!!!
What kind of relationship is this? this is a ONE WAY relationship and a relationships consist of a 50/50 balance- so either you stand your ground and find out whats really going on or you just do what I started saying- RUN RUN RUN!!!
Good Luck.

Answer 10

i am 54. my father hoarded his money. my mother worked herself to death to pay bills and buy basic needs. she died with nothing and 9 years later father died with nearly a million dollars. she was never happy in the marriage.

move, get a job and counciling.