I've known my husband for 6 years now and though I love him he brings me down with his unpredictable temper. For example, this past Fri, I got home from work pretty tired and started to prepare dinner. He got angry when the dinner was 1/2 an hour late and showed his displeasure by breaking his dinner plate and several other things. He then launched into a tirade of abuse at me (I take too long getting ready for work in the morning, I take too long making dinner, etc.). I don't know how to deal with his behaviour and so go 'into my shell' and say nothing. I know from experience that if I get mad back it will be 10 times worse for me. He tells me that breaking things prevents him from breaking my neck.
He accuses me of 'driving a wedge between us' when I see it the other way around. I don't know what to do and still love him. Facing a breakup, all I can see is loneliness and the life that could have been. Any advice?
2007-01-21 21:26:57 · 22 answers · asked by chischas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok...i will keep this simple. there is no amount of 'talking' that will help in this situation. weather it be him talking to you or you talking to him.
1. you need to get yourself out
2. you need to maintain your employment
3. you need to get your own place
the only way that he will see that his behaviour is not acceptable is if you get up and leave. you staying there and taking it is like telling him that it's alright to keep doing those things to you. if he wants his dinner by a certain time...he can fix it himself. don't try to think about the lonliness that you will face. you need to make a decision to get yourself out. you can either (1) stay there and be misreable or you can (2) get out and start living your life for you. because if you stay there...it can only get worse. and you have probably read many of the posts of abusive spouses and abusive domesitc situations. since you are in a domestic abusive situation...i would also suggest that you get yourself some help... http://www.ndvh.org/ because they will provide more help and resources than yahoo answers can. and hire an attoney. don't think for one second that it can work out for the better just for saving your marriage. cause you could end up in the hospital for that. your husband needs to make the decsion to get himself help.
2007-01-21 23:55:08 · answer #1 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You can not fix him nor this attitude that he has. He is an abusive man and if he's already told you that he break the things in the house to keep from breaking your neck then eventually he is gonna hurt you and it will be to hurt you. He;ll say he's sorry and you make him react like this. He is a sorry punk and while you're out trying to get home, he should have started dinner. I had one of these crazy men in my life. He soon learned if he drew a hand back to hit me, I would hurt him bad. He knew if he broke anything in the house, his a** was mine. I learned how to fight back until I told God that I no longer wanted to fight in my own home. He's gonna try to hurt you. See the problem is not you. It's him and he knows it. He also knows that if he put his hands on you, that he could do jail time. If he knew he could get away with it, he would have done it sooner than later. How can you love yourself and stay in this relationship. You best learn how to love him from a distant, and don't worry about being alone. There's too many men on this planet earth to be lonely.Would you rather walk around with black eyes and have that jerk or lay 6 feet under the ground, because you couldn't/ didn't leave the jerk?
2007-01-21 21:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you putting up with it? There is no reason for you to go through this. Its abuse, hes breaking you.
'He tells me that breaking things prevents him from breaking my neck'. That right there shows he can and would like to hurt you.
Walk away, walk away now while you still can. His put you down so much that he made you think there isnt anything better out there for you.
It will be hard for you at first but as long as you have a great support team thats all you need.
We're gonna put the news on someday and hear that some husband killed his wife over his rage. Dont let that women be you.
2007-01-21 23:17:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it's official, YOUR AN ABUSED WOMAN. It's time to seek help while in an abusive relationship. The threat of violence is enough to have him arrested. If you called 9-11 the next time he freaks and breaks something and tell the police you feel threatened he will be locked up and get a restraining order against him. He is obviously too immature to handle his responsibility and you need to get out and away from him asap. There is no helping people like this they continue the abuse until your dead or leave, it's up to you.
2007-01-21 21:47:33 · answer #4 · answered by yawhosucs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, the anger can possibly be diabetes---it can be a sugar imbalance that causes the psychotic episodes. Get him to a doctor that can check these levels or maybe do a scan for a pressure in the brain that is causing him all this displeasure. If all of that is negative, you married him when exhibited this activity, he has issues with anger that border on abusive---for which you better get him to a couselor for anger management---before you get hurt. He has definitely shown deep seated problems that may stem from childhood---examples from his early childhood at home. He needs to control something and it is you---WRONG !!! Good luck with all this but get moving and do something.
2007-01-21 21:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN!! I've been there and I thank God I had the sense to get out!
I rather be alone then go back to living that life of hell. It is not worth it. I'm doing so much better that I am without my abusive husband. We had no children so I don't have to deal with him any longer. If you have children, still get out for their sakes. It isn't healthy having them grow up in that environment. It isn't healthy for you either. You deserve so much better and you can do better. You want to stick around and wait until he breaks your neck?? I've also done work in domestic violence shelters. Believe me, it only gets worse.
You are in my prayers.
2007-01-21 21:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by TINY822 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel u should talk to him. It might be some sort of tensions in his office or some other matter that might cause his frequent temper . even Ur sex life can create a problem. or even Ur plans or his ideas or his dreams before marriage about his futUre life might have crashed down, some unwanted responsibilities have come.. talk to him about all this.. take a break from Ur normal life go to some days like u might have gone for honey moon then be clear to him about this . ask him to help him overcome this with Ur help. explain him ur troubles . He might need ur time & caring with could help him to reduce his anger
This can even happen if is trying to leave any bad habits like smoking etc. Best of luck
2007-01-21 21:39:55 · answer #7 · answered by dilu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to here that but i know what your going through b/c my mother went through w/ it for 29 yrs and finally she got out of it, but my dad actually broke things and always hit her, we always had to worry about comeing home woundering whats going to happen next. one day are we going to wake up or come home from school and find my mother dead???? look try seeing if he'll get on depreshion mediciane, he might be bi polar. maybe try some counsling, that might help. there's only a few things you can do b/c one day he might loose his temper and something really bad might happen. if he's not willing to sit down and get some kind of help for his temper and wont realize that it's not all your fault then please don't live your life woundering whats going to happen next. i've had to watch my mother do that and i wish i didn't have to hear of other women gonig through what i and my mother had to go through with. Sometimes you have to put your feeling behide you and do whats best for your health and for your kids if you have any b/c thats one thing that will mess a kids life up is seeing how there father treats their mother and the might grow up to do the same thing has they seen has a little kid. good luck i hope i helped.
2007-01-21 21:52:41 · answer #8 · answered by Elizabeth C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut his nutz off, he'll mellow out!
seriously, temper tantrums like that of an overgrown two-year-old are unacceptable. he needs to get a prescription for prozac to correct the imbalance between the ears. in time he will realize what an asss he was and why the prozac is a good thing.
on the other hand, you fell in love with the brute and he was always like that so maybe you are into sado-masochism? in that case do as much as you can to passive-aggressively P.O. him. for example, you could spell "your" as "Ur" over and over again... if you have a death wish.
2007-01-21 21:41:43 · answer #9 · answered by the_clencher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to demand he seek treatment before he hurts you. Next it WILL be your neck and he can't take it back once he puts his hands on you in anger. You will never be able to trust him again.
Your reaction is common in abused women - hoping it will go away so that you don't have to make a stand. Get in touch with a shelter in case you need assistance in a hurry.
2007-01-21 21:38:27 · answer #10 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋