I left my husband for about 3.5mnths and came back. I left because i wasn't happy and felt tied down. During this time i had dated another guy and slept with him. My hubby and this guy are the only ppl i have been intimate with. I still have strong feelings for the other guy and there isn't a day that goes by that i dont think about him. I work with this guy and i see him almost everyday. i cant wait to go to work just to see him for maybe 2minutes. I am now regreting going back to my husband. I love him very much but it's not the "in" love. it's the kind of love someone would have for a sibling or lifelong friend. I'm not sexually attracted to my hubby and havent been for the past 2.5yrs. I dont want to hurt my husband again but at the same time i'm not happy. I dont know what to do. Can someone help!?
2007-01-21 21:01:32 · 15 answers · asked by swtbabygrl_06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seems that i left out an impotant piece of info. I found out that my hubby had cheated on me after a month of marriage(kept it from me for 3yrs) and also that he had slept with another woman while we were seperated
2007-01-22 16:08:53 · update #1
you cant live your life in pain to keep someone else happy even if you are married to them. have a serious talk with your husband and tell him that you no longer have that feelings for him you had when you got maried and try and persue a relationship with the one you really LOVE...
2007-01-21 21:07:35 · answer #1 · answered by kareemahwilliams 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope you find some kind of solution to this, because you are hurting him now, even if you haven't spoke to him about the problem. I say that, because if you are close to someone, you always know when there is a problem and he could be too afraid of the answer he will get from you ,if he asks you. You can't live your life to make others happy, because in the process, you become miserable. Then after awhile this will turn into hatred. You should also be prepared, that this guy you like so much and you want to be with, may not hold up forever and when and if that doesn't workout, you can't keep running back to your ex husband. If you leave him again, give him enough respect to stay gone.
2007-01-21 21:27:51 · answer #2 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you return to your husband? You cannot treat a marriage like a high school crush. It requires work. On both sides. If you know that you do not love your husband, then it is definitely time to sit down and discuss your feelings with him. If you and he are not willing to put the work into building a strong marriage, then you should probably end it. There's no sense of living a lie. Nor playing games with people's hearts. Tell your hubby the truth about how you're feeling---including the sexual part and let him know that you'd like to move on.
BTW, you said you love your hubby like a lifelong friend.... I have to tell you, that later in life it will be this that matters.....not the sex. Just thought you should know....
Good luck to you..... Hope you find what you're looking for...
2007-01-21 21:19:49 · answer #3 · answered by Brenda 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you where rely sure of what you felt for you hubby you wouldn’t be with him, I can understand what you are going through because I was in the same situation about 5 years ago. What made me realize that I wanted to be with my hubby is that I would make excuses to see him, I do think of the other guy from time to time but not in that way anymore. I think the reason you think you have feelings for that guy is the fact that you see him every day, I think your bored and you want some excitement, or just the feeling of another person being interested in you is exciting.
2007-01-21 21:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by ao23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem very confused as you left ur husband for 3.5
months, made love to another man, feel strongly for him
returned to ur husband, still love him but want to be with
the other man. Sit down take a deep breath and look
within yourself and figure out what is it that you really
want in a relationship. If your husband makes you un-
happy then talk to him and explain why. If you still have
the love you say you have for him then you would still
try and work things out with him: If after a time there is
no change in your relationship then you can do the next
thing which will probably be divorce: During this period
you need to put your other relationship on hold as if this
other man is really for you you will see that as he will
still be there after you get termainate your relationship
with your husband. Just because you met another man
does not mean he will make you happy for the rest of
your life because he made you happy on a fling. If you
want to be truly happy in a relationship with a man it will
take more than just a one night stand. So put your
priorities in line, deal with your husband first, then deal
with yourself, and after that anything else you want in
your life to make you happy go for it, but remember
it takes time to get that quality man so don't you rush it
and don't let him rush you. Good luck.
2007-01-21 22:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Romantic love dosn't last, some people opt to remain single because they are hooked on the feeling of falling in love all over again,over and over again.The initial attraction,the expectation,passion,the high,the thrill of new love,the surge of excitement when you see them all the little things they do that you see as being so cute/funny/amusing,all eventually pass.Its an inbuilt psychological/chemical thing present in order too attract a mate and continue the existance of the species.We are not so far removed from the animal kingdom .Very few creatures are monogamous,they need too widen the gene pool to ensure survival of their kind.The urge is also latent in humans (some can't control it)but we have been civilized,bringing with it social stigmas,rules of morality,laws and religions and fear of punishment.Anyway i'm off on a tangent lol.What i am saying is if you got together with this man the reality of him will eventually kick in (of any partnership),you say you love your husband very much,maybe you should work with him to sort whats making you unhappy,you may not get back the heart fluttering,totally lustful feeling but whoever your with in the end your not going to have that with anyway eventually and may regeret losing that "real love" one day.
2007-01-21 21:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by jennybuttins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband the truth and let him decide how he'd like to handle it. It's the least you can do after committing adultery and allow him to file for a legal separation on the grounds of infidelity. That way, you get what you want, he's not legally bound to stay with you and everybody has an equal chance to heal and be whole once again.
2007-01-21 21:19:05 · answer #7 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you feel "falling inlove" at the beginning of all romantic relationships. but they do not last unless you cultivate it and work on it. this euphoric feeling is not meant to last by nature but with the hard work of the people involve can make it into a lasting bliss. the feeling you have for your coworker will eventually wane. it might not be tomorrow or next year but it will subside. and you will have the same feeling for him as you do your husband now.
the love you have for your husband now although it is not as exciting as when you were just beginning is actually the beginning of something greater. you have shared moments of love and pain. you have shared bonds and experiences. if you are just looking for the addictive falling in love experience, do it with your husband. you can rekindle it again and again so long as both you and him work on it. moments that you have shared with your husband can never be replaced by some distraction of a new man.
2007-01-21 21:14:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As stated above. Leave.
More correctly, I should say, is talk to him, ease his mind and then leave.
You should 'do no harm' when you leave as it is something that will hurt him, and it is doublely bad because you are leaving for a second time, but you cannot stay as this would be unfair to you, who wants more than you get right now (emotionally) and unfair to him as he might find a match after you leave. Staying together is not a great thing for both of you.
2007-01-21 21:13:02 · answer #9 · answered by saracenthemoor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was with my hubby, I felt like I was putting on a show to make everyone else happy. Mean while, I wanted to end my own life cause I was so unhappy.
Yes, he will be hurt, yes he will be angry. But in time he will heal and move on himself.
2007-01-21 23:29:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋