should i talk to my ex bf?

Question

im am married now for one year. but on rare occassions such as now i get this feeling i should talk to my ex bf about our break up becuase it wasn't really clear to me how it ended i just know it broke my heart terribly and i think of it and how i felt my heart sinks and i feel so sad. i dont want him or anything like that at all. its just that feeling. i still talk to him on AIM sometimes and we're cool but would he think im still into him if i ask/talk to him about it? and whats this say about me, like why do i still think of it?

Answer 1

Yes, but only if it is to get closure. If there is any other reason, then for the sake of your marriage forget it and leave him alone. Sometimes it's the not knowing that keeps troubling us long after we should have forgotten and moved on. In the absence of information we sometimes spend more time than we ought trying to guess or imagine why something might have happened. The best remedy is to get the information from the 'horses mouth' then move on.

Answer 2

Ive just been by means of this entire factor with my gf/ex and now we're on a "destroy". She claims I was once too jealous when she mentioned she was once conversing with an ex so she felt she had to hide it. I think like crap now thinking I drove her away so i would recommend you to step again, come to a decision if its her that you like/love or if it's only the companionship of someone there that youre interested in. Hindsight at the second I want I didnt carry the problem up greater than once/twice in view that it relatively does make it seem as if I didnt trust her including in that it made me appear insecure. Some ladies are just naturally flirty and can not aid it -some that flirt like which are putting onto the previous incase the longer term doesnt determine -some that do that are quite simply no longer equipped for a relationship as shut/ severe as yours is also so it's a approach of her to keep away from committing to you in the event you decide the whole lot else about her is going well then I suggest to let her recognize you dont find it irresistible, however that you simply believe her and you wont bringit up again -the trust will both be rewarded or taken skills of- if its rewarded then its all good -when you become getting taken capabilities of then you did all YOU might and it was most likely just her immaturity. Watching again now I desire I didnt harp on it really so much... Just right success ... I do know what youer going through (a while?)

Answer 3

wanting to find closure just means u may not be finished with him yet, just a way to get back into the situation. u still think about it because u haven't faced the fact that he caused it, broke your heart, now u still have some kind of expectation that he will be sorry, maybe want to see u again, talk about it. but it is never good, will solve nothing, he may think u are still into him if u try to get answers. just take it the way he gave it, he did not want to be there with u, so it ended for whatever reason, why jeopardize your marriage. maybe u married to escape your own unhappiness, and now see that maybe u needed to heal from the last thing first. maybe it might be good to get some counseling, your not accepting things, even if he did give u reasons u may still get hurt and upset over what u hear. best to leave the past where it is, focus on the man u have now, not the one who didn't want u.

Answer 4

Let the past be the past, will your knowing really make any difference now, you broke up, you have moved on with your life and are now married. But then you mention that you are still into him, if you were into him and he into you, you would still be together. Are you looking for an out because there is something lacking in your marriage? Do the vows mean so little? What would your husband think and feel, if he knew these goings on? Whatever you do, you never go backwards always forward.

Answer 5

No doubt it is hard to get past a disappointment---any disappointment--you would prefer closure on the issue. If you truly have a nice relationship and still speak on a friendly basis, you can say that you have a need to ask, without any intention of being anything more than an interest in what happened. Personally, I would try to get past it and not stir up any old emotions. Men think different than women----not that he will think you want to reignite anything---he just might not be comfortable answering as you hope he will. I hope you can bring closure satisfactorily, but you did move on and the question should move on too. have a nice life.

Answer 6

I agree with Ferrari Babe. Additional thoughts: you're not being cool talking to old bf when what you really need is to clear the air about the break-up. The only way he's going to think that you're into him is with these little chats. Be strong, get honest, do it, or break off these chats..

Please understand that your new husband is still feeling a bit unsure of your allegiance and that you may have major explaining to do if he finds out (men tend to assume old bf's disappear cuz - gee - look who you married). It won't be a Hallmark moment. Never mind how secure he acts. There's a surprising amount of little boy hidden deep down inside every husband, and you are the caretaker. Who knew.

But if you have this heart-to heart with old bf, be careful, as it could backfire on you and you could fall for him again (hope not, hope that you've both grown into different people than you were) . It's normal, tho not particularly healthy or happy, to keep thinking of him when you didn't have an understandable ending.

Life's big experiences are not usually tied up in neat packages. Life is messy, this is one of those many packages with a hole at one end, and you have to cope with it. If you choose not to face up to old bf, my advice is to lock it in your unresolvable sorrows closet, take a cleansing shower/bath/swim/sauna, groom and dress yourself lovingly, and step forward to do something nice for your nearest and dearest. It takes 27 days to develope a new habit. The future is all you've got. (blah, blah)
Face the future. (Honey, millions of people know it's not easy. God bless you as you work it out.)

Answer 7

breakups are really rough, and they stick with people for a long time. It is natural to want to know what happened to your relationship. If you're still cool with him and talk sometimes, then maybe casually bring it up. But don't sound desperate about it, or he may think you're into him again or still. If it has potential to hurt your marriage or your husband, then I'd say its best to avoid asking him and trying to move on from it.

Answer 8

whoa! that is almost divorce material here, You had better get your thoughts in line with your marriage ONLY and forget about the dating past. Move on to the next level it's time for you to END that chapter of your life and start a new one, your married now and nothing else matters.

ps. if you don't let it go, in time with that type thinking you will end up divorced, and DO NOT have any kids in the near future your too unstable for that.

Also, if you can't tell your husband all about it then you shoudn't be doing it! go talk wiht him about all this and see his reaction.

Answer 9

if u want to safe Ur marriage don't talk to him at all . the emotions will grew . it u wanted to clear it should have been done earlier.before marriage. now its time out. see u have to forget it as a close chapter other wise u Will complicate Ur self more.this can even make Ur husband untrust or betraying him is some way..

Answer 10

i don't think you should ask now. maybe it would have been better if you would have asked him before you got married cause you could have juiced it up by saying you don't want to make the same mistake twice. him being a man he will most definitely think that you are still into him.