Would you be suspicious?

Question

I will try and keep this short. My partner has children with his ex. She is not a nice person at all. In the past she has said things to try and split us up regarding him making passes at her. I was pretty sure he wouldn't but since then have always been mindful of his contact with her without saying anything as to not pressure his relationship with his other children. The other day I was playing with his mobile and happened to notice that her number was logged in his call register just after he called me to see if I was home which I was not. I didn't think anything of it but later in convo I asked if he had spoken to her and he said no? Then the next day I was with one of his children who claimed to know I had been out the previous day and he knew where I had been, when I asked how he knew he said his sister had told him. My partner denies talking to his ex and has since deleted to call log he made that day from his phone. What is he hiding? Am I paranoid?

I didn't mean to go through his call register I was actually in the camera setting but if I confront him he will probably accuse me of snooping through his phone?

We have been together 7 years and we have 2 children. We tell each other everything and he knows I have no probs with him contacting her. He just goes all wierd on me when I ask him about it. Something is deffo not right but I can't proove it. she will deny everything because she has just settled down with LT bf number 215 and he has too much money to ruin a good thing! How else can I find out?

Answer 1

hes lieing to you sweetie .
have it out with him tell him u r not stupid ,and he shouldnt treat you as if you were ,
its pretty clear whats happening ,,and the kids know far too much and him deleating it just shows further guilt ,watch his body language as it will show you signs of guilt that even he cant hide ,its no good if hes going to lie to you or not talk it out ,you will have to catch him at it ,and only then face him with it ,but if i where you i would save all the money you can get all debts payed off in your name and start to take care of number one as i can see this going bad ,so keep your head ,,,,,and prepear for the worst ,but make sure you are finacailly safe before facing him with what you find out ,,,at the end of the day if hes being a lier and a cheat ,why should you have to suffer ,,,its goning to be hard to keep the mouth shut but if you do and sort yourself out in case the worse hapen at least you are not left at a lose end ,and you would have won the battle because you were sensible enough to see what was coming and be ready for it ,play it cool ,
but with out eveidence of what hes really up to you could ruin your relation ship with him ,and if nothing is going on ,,,it would please his ex ,and we dont want that ,and if she is after him ,you have one up on her cos hes still with you ,,,but if his heart lays with her ,then you make sure you keep him till you are ready to tell him to go ,,dont get left high and dry ,,,,,listern to his every word as they can drop theirselves in it ,,,watch for changes in his ruteen,,if need be put his millage back to 0 in his car and keep and eye on that ,look for money being spent ,smell his clothes,,ie pockest ,,,and lister to the kids ,kids dont lie ,,,there is always truth in what a child says ,as they heard it somewhere all the best kat

Answer 2

Well, I'm more or less in his position, so I can say that you might be worrying a bit too much. When divorced couples have kids, there are many many times when they do have to talk to work out arrangements, payments, etc. If he senses that you are sensitive to his relationship with his ex, then he may be trying to keep you from worrying by denying he's talked to her. There's also ample opportunity for the ex to put him in situations where he pretty much has to call her, even if he doesn't want to.
That said, he shouldn't be lying to you, so that is a concern. But even if he is, there's a good chance it's not because he is trying to rekindle any flames with her. More likely, she's trying to drive a wedge between you two, and he's trying to position himself so that doesn't happen.
As always, the answer is to talk about the situation and be truthful to each other. It's probably counterproductive to get him to admit to lying. Like you said, he could come back at you about the discovery. Then you two will just be arguing about the individual incidents and not getting to the underlying issues.
I would suggest gently and lovingly sitting him down and asking what you can do to make your relationship stronger. Tell him you love him (if you do) and you want to make things even better by understanding how he feels about you.
This should get him talking, and then listeneing when it's your turn to open up. Coming at things from a a fearful or angry place usually drives the partner to their own fearful or angry emotions, and then it's hard to get anywhere. Aim for understanding and you just might get it.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Pay attention to the signs. If you suspect him of cheating then most likely he is. Being sneaky and keeping secrets is almost always a sure sign that something fishy is going on. I'm sure that if you really stop and take a look at all the stuff that has happened lately to put on this kind of alert you will realize it is just more that him keeping secrets from you. The best thing you can do at this point is confront him and see how he reacts. If he gets all angry and defensive, then you know he is doing something that he should not. If he remains calm and actually discusses things with you, and maintains eye contact the whole time then chances are good he is being honest with you. It doesn't necessarily mean that he has done anything he shouldn't but it is usually a good indicator if you go by his reactions to being confronted.

Answer 4

hi, well he certainly lied to you about phoning her if the number was logged in to his phone the thing is why did he lie, does he feel like he can't tell you if he rings her because it will upset you or has he just lied to you because he is up to something, how long have you been with him and how long has he been split up with his ex, if you think he is the type of bloke to do this, sit him down and tell him you want some straight honest answers, ask him if he still loves his ex or is it really just his children he wants to see, if so you will have no choice but to have his children as part of the package, as children are for life not just till you get sick of them, which im sure you dont stop him having contact with them, you don't sound this type of person, if he is a honest bloke he will tell you the truth when confronted, and why would he say you were snooping in his phone if you are together it should not make a difference if you look through his phone or not, there should be no secrets at all, i would be suspicious but at the end of the day its your feelings that count here so how do you feel, i for one would ask him about it just say one of the kids had said about you being out and ask him how they would know this if he had not been in touch with her or them, it is hard being the second family i know i'am in the same boat the difference being i have always know my husband loves me and wouldnt go back with his ex, there has got to be trust in a relationship for it to work, better to find out now then years down the line when he has been making a fool of you so ask him hun straight out, and if he is lying get rid and find someone who will love you and you know you can trust, i know its not easy but in the long run it will be better for you and thats what matters here. I wish you luck xx

Answer 5

I don't know... this doesn't sound like overwhelming evidence. If you're really convinced, then just look for other clues but don't snoop. If he's sneaking around it will become clear over time. But from what you've said, I see more reasons to think that's not what's happening.

But... if he was cheating when he met you -- then I would wonder. But if you've never known him to be dishonest, you really need to give him the benefit of the doubt at this stage. Guys don't like being checked up on and they don't like having somebody question their integrity. I think that's a bad idea.

Just kick back and relax a little. You don't need concrete proof right now one way or the other. I'd be inclined to trust him for now. I know this must be eating you up as you think about it and that's why I think it's damaging. Try to find something else to occupy your thoughts. If he starts to come home at 3:00am then I'd look into this more closely.

Good luck.

Answer 6

yes, he is hiding something - but this does not mean to say it's something bad - it could be that he's nervous of telling you because it may upset you and therefore trying to avoid an altercation or an interogation session from you. he has children with her so it is inevitable that he WILL have to speak to her! on the other hand, it could be something more... let's hope not. if you want to remain in this relationship you have no option but to accept the fact that they ARE going to talk, whether you like it or not - thay HAVE to, again, because of the children. If you notice an abnormality in his routine, there's probably something going down - and if you are going to confront him about it, he will only deny it anyway, cause friction between the two of you and this will ultimately drive him more into her arms! but it won't last and he'll come running back to you - it's so cliche' and predictable - but give him the benefit of the doubt as well - it's a tough one to deal with - think it through thoroughly before taking action. good luck

Answer 7

I would be suspicious, but I'm afraid there's little you can do about it on the evidence you have.
Whilst you say you are not pressuring him because of the relationship with his children, you might well be doing something (without meaning to) to make him feel awkward about his relationship with his ex. He might therefore be hiding things from you just to protect your feelings.

I think it's just a case of wait and see, although this will be really hard. If you question him too much about him, you might well drive him back. If you play the cool, calm and trusting girlfriend then he will definitely stick with you over his troublesome ex.

Good luck

Answer 8

My ex used to try it on with me all the time when he collected our son. I don't know why but he thought he still had the right. Very strange. I never fell for it. I am sure if i was willing he would have been more than happy to oblige.

I never told his girlfriend as i didn't want to split them up and would she have believed me anyway as i knew he would deny it.

Does sound very strange, that is my experience as the "other woman" as such but i never went along with it.

Does his mobile get itemised billing? Try looking at that? He may just be flirting because he feels comfortable flirting knowing it wont go anywhere. But whichever i think you need to get to the bottom of it as you dont sound like you can just shrug it off.

Answer 9

Ask him directly why he lied and why he deleted the call, be calm and don't cry or lose your temper in any way, be sure to make him answer you, when he tries to make the fact that you looked in his phone more important than the call itself, have none of it, stay focused and get to the truth. Later you must explain your actions and tell him that her telling you that he made a pass at her has undermined you. Maybe he should limit contact with her for your sake. Its not much to ask, after all their relationship is over.

Answer 10

Maybe you shouldn't have snooped, but what's done is done and his lying is far worse than your snooping. You should bring it up and if he gets mad that you are snooping he is just deflecting the attention away from his lying.

You are not being paranoid at all. You can probably access you previous months cell phone bills (if you are on the same plan) and see his incomming and outgoing calls and how long he was on the phone for. I think his activities warrant your further snooping.

Answer 11

Maybe he denied it because he didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing and thought you'd see it as something? I'm just trying to be rational for you, but for me personally, I'd be suspicious as Hell, I'm just paranoid that way. My bf and I tell each other everything so I'd find that extremely odd. Does he always tell you of his visits with his ex? If he usually does, then something must be up but if you ask, you will seem paranoid. I'd just keep my eyes open if I were you.