When we first got marred my husband would spank me quite frequently and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't done something deserving each time. We would always discus what I did before he did or didn't spank me. It's actually been quite a while since I did any thing bad and I can't help but feel like it's because in the past I use to do allot of things with out thinking, some time those where stupid things, now I actually think before I act (even if the only thought is whether or not this will get me spanked). Still I feel the need to ask the question is consensual spanking spousal abuse?
2007-01-21 19:20:59 · 18 answers · asked by Serena 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It was consensual because if I said I didn't deserve it he wouldn't spank me. Even though it hurt I did get something out of it in the since that I no longer felt as guilt, but there was nothing sexual about it.
2007-01-21 19:30:41 · update #1
It wasn’t a joke and I would really rather not get any more lude E-Mails.
2007-01-22 04:26:11 · update #2
No, this is not spousal abuse. Not only was it consensual on your part, but you state that you learned something from each instance and wasn't spanked when you didn't feel that you deserved it. An abuser doesn't give you a choice of whether you deserve it or not. Also, abuse doesn't stop simply because you've learned better.
Also, do not let the uninformed people above me tell you that it's odd or unnatural. It's simply a different style of relationship. What you've described is referred to as "domestic discipline" and is practiced in a decent percentage of homes. Domestic discipline is when one adult member of a household consents to another to hold them accountable for wrongdoing. This is fairly common among D/s (Dominance/submission) and spankophile relationships, but others practice it as well.
Your description of being talked to about the spanking beforehand is a common practice in these types of relationships, and I'm willing to assume that it was followed by being held and comforted. That is the most effective way. Truth be told, if more parents disciplined in that manner, I wouldn't be as anti-spanking for children as I am today.
As for those that will tell you that it's only fair if he is spanked as well, different things work for different people, and your husband might not benefit from the same treatment that you benefit from. There are no gender biases, though, and I know domestic discipline relationships that the husband is spanked, and some where both wife and husband are spanked by each other (or, sometimes, spanked by a third party that holds them BOTH accountable). One thing that I've noticed among those that I've spanked for discipline is that they tend to know what they want to change about their habits, but just don't have quite enough willpower to do it on their own. So, they ask someone that they feel can care about them to hold them accountable. I've been in five or so disciplinary relationships with adult females (two of them could be labeled as "domestic discipline), and this was typically their reasons for coming to me.
To discuss this with others in this type of relationship, do a search in Yahoo Groups for domestic discipline, or send me a message and I'll give you some links that I have. Good luck to you, and congratulations on improving your behavior so you don't need spankings anymore. (Unfortunately, you already said that you haven't been spanked in a while, or I'd have joked about not needing them any less, either. :P )
2007-01-21 23:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by baka_otaku30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
>Is consensual spanking spousal abuse?
At first I thought this was something playful but then I read on...
>When we first got marred my husband would spank me quite frequently and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't done something deserving each time.
This is either a joke or you are a very odd person.
>Still I feel the need to ask the question is consensual spanking spousal abuse?
Let's put it this way, it doesn't exactly conjure up images of a mutually respectful relationship.
>It was consensual because if I said I didn't deserve it he wouldn't spank me.
I'm having trouble following all of this.
> Even though it hurt I did get something out of it in the since that I no longer felt as guilt, but there was nothing sexual about it.
At least if it was sexual, I would chalk it up to a mutually playful act which I don't think is any big deal. To each their own. But the fact that it hurts and it really sounds degrading just strikes me as odd.
To be real honest with you, you're either wasting people's time by asking a question as a joke or you've got what I would consider to be some fairly unhealthy attitudes.
Yes, I think it is abuse.
2007-01-21 20:03:32 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Consensual Spanking
2016-09-30 10:22:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's just me but I find something terribly wrong with the fact that your husband was spanking you as if you were a child and that you allowed him to do it. You are supposed to be in an adult relationship not a father/daughter relationship. Secondly, if you feel the need to ask if it is spousal abuse then you find something wrong with it too, consensual or not. And if there were marks left on your body from these spankings and you are uncomfortable with it, then yes it is abuse.
2007-01-21 19:32:42 · answer #4 · answered by debbiethornberry007 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am....unfortunately...the police are sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place..they get called for spousal abuse, then the spouse won't press charges, sooooo,,,nothing is done..I think it's come a long way from years ago..
2016-03-29 08:37:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
K first of all..Yes its spousal abuse...unless when he lies you are spanking him you are not on equal levels which is wrong. The only reason spanking is okay in a relationship is in a sexual way. You need to understand that he is not better than you, and it should not be consensual unless you are in bed.
2007-01-21 19:28:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Does it work both ways? If he does something wrong, do u spank him? If it works both ways, then I guess it's alright.
Else, no one has any right to lay a hand on u in an abusive manner. No matter what u did u did not deserve to be physically abused, dear. Ur not his child to be spanked. Ur his wife. Ur in an equal partnership with him.
All the best.
2007-01-21 20:08:06 · answer #7 · answered by Babygirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Now it all depends on how far the spanking went... If you consider that it was unfair, then yes it was abuse... However, if you got some form of help or arousal out of it, then no it isn't abuse... Do you feel you were abused???
2007-01-21 19:24:51 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
by "consensual" you mean you're okay with it an encourage it. so it's NOT because he's not doing anything you don't want him to.
but why would you ahve to be hit to learn a lesson. can't he tell you to stop. Also, if the hitting cause pain and bruises then he should't be doing that.
2007-01-21 19:25:54 · answer #9 · answered by thank you come again 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you and your husband set general rules and guidelines regarding the "punishment," and if you agree to the spanking- that you NEED it, no, it is not abuse
2014-10-07 14:41:07 · answer #10 · answered by Nicholas I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋