my dad having an affair but he comes clean bout it to all of us. we were shock as hell especially mum. B4 that it was a secret until mum found out dad's journal. dad makes it clear that he loves that women & wanna marry her but at the same times he loves mum & all of us. mum's hurt so do all of us siblings. when mum started to acept things the way it is. there's this other lady claiming she's having my dad baby this is like 5 years ago. dad bein bank in her money every months. which mean dad having an affair on the top of other affair. mum in stress she keep calling me for advice & i did my best to help her & console her. same goes to my bro & sis. im kindda drain out itself but i need to be strong for all of them. seriously, slowly it kindda built a hatred in my heart. especially to mum bein so hopeless & at dad bein such a selfish. yet, reality check their r still my parent. i need somes resolution in my problem. this whole situation makes me scared to commit myself to marriage life
2007-01-21 19:12:31 · 9 answers · asked by msfredliso 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know what you mean. It's hard to trust after you've been through something like that but please do yourself a favor and don't in the future base everyone else on the mishaps of others, it will destroy, I know.
Now back to your problem. Well I would sit down with both parents individually and tell them how I felt.
Your mother certainly needs to leave your father, it doesn't seem like he will ever change and your mother deserves alot more respect than this.
You just be there for your mother, keep her busy. Listen.
As for your father, tell him how disappointed you are and how this is really affecting you and your future.
Be honest. But try not to shut anyone out.
2007-01-21 19:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your whole family sounds really messed up.
The good news is that I've met a number of people with really whacked out parents and they turned out okay in spite of their parents. But this won't happen by accident. As you age, the tendancy will be for your parents attitudes and ways to creep into your life. You will have to be very cognizant of what you are doing and why. If you stay on top of things, you can avoid being like them.
This is not your problem to solve. In fact, you cannot solve this problem. If you try to solve this problem, it will create many more problems in your life so don't try. Just accept them as they are -- such as they might be. Accepting them doesn't mean you have to like what they do -- or even like them.
Pay close attention in life and you'll turn out okay. At least you know they are messed up. That much is a good start.
Good luck.
2007-01-21 20:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 your dad is wrong....but then most men are lol
#2 your mum is hopeless, cuz she never got to build any part of her life just for her....She should go back to school, or get a job, find activities to keep her mind off her problems somewhat....
#3 Parents make mistakes, some several at once....but as you have seen it usually comes out in the wash....so chill from the dysfunction a bit...take a deep breath and then help your Mum start recovering....Kinda like she helped you growing up. guide her to start rebuilding her life without your dad...apparently he's rather busy with his....
#4 Remember You are different, not all relationships and or marriages turn out this way....So don't be afraid!!!
God Bless and Good Luck!
2007-01-21 19:26:43 · answer #3 · answered by snickers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In honesty that is something private between your parents, and not something they should have to share with you. Instead of being outraged, put yourself in your mum's place and have a good think about the situation she was in, it must have been tough for her. Maybe you should sit down and talk to your mum. My mum had a miscarrage and didn't tell any of us six kids til i was 18 and i'm the youngest and she still grieves about it even now. Be kind, don't freak out on her.
2016-05-24 14:08:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Free agency sure can tear a family apart!
One thing you HAVE to do is give a quick and honest opinion, and have somewhere else to go... or something else to do... right away. Tell her you love her but you gotta' go...
Some people will suck the life out of you trying to get you to give them the answer they WANT to hear... Or they lean on you too much and forget how to deal with things on their own.
If mom catches on that when she dumps on you you back away; maybe she'll stop. Or... she'll confront you about it. Be honest and tell her you love her, but you can't handle all of her issues on top of your own. Be honest about their nightmare relationship making the thought of a positive relationship in your future difficult to imagine and that you don't want their bad experiences to taint what could possibly be wonderful in your future.
Too bad dad is so selfish and immoral! That's NOT love... Too bad mom isn't strong enough to say NO MORE! Get OUT! (And of course ask for ALIMONY in the divorce decree due to his emotional abandonment with XXX reasons and examples to help her be able to support herself... if that's an issue....)
Sorry you're stuck in the middle of the ones who should be YOUR strongest SUPPORTERS! There are good relationships out there! Go into a relationship with your eyes WIDE OPEN!! Don't fall into wanting to BELIEVE what you WANT him to BE; look for the reality and EVIDENCE behind the man you think he is. Good LUCK!
2007-01-21 19:30:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that- that is very difficult to deal w= I'd like to kick your dad in the pants- he is not being fair or right- will he go to counseling and does he have any clergy in his life= maybe his pastor could talk to him- and he will listen =I will pray 4 uall = take care -D
2007-01-21 19:20:34 · answer #6 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not responsible for the actions of other adults. These people were adults long before you were born. Let them sort it out. Get your own life. Concentrate on school
2007-01-21 19:16:58 · answer #7 · answered by Stargatebabe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you all talk to your dad seriously about it and think of a way that it can be resolved peacefully. Surely your dad has all the answers you need to know.
2007-01-21 19:19:16 · answer #8 · answered by Carlos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really want to help you sweetie, but I can't really understand what you wrote. If you could email me the situation more clearly I'll try to help you to the best of my abilities.
2007-01-21 19:18:54 · answer #9 · answered by April 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋