Guilty, not feeling up for charity...?

Question

On Friday, an African American woman and her son (must have been about 8-10 years old) walked up to me while I was in New York city and asked me if I could give them some money for food. The woman looked lost and had tears in her eyes, but the son looks emotionless. I replied, "You should find the police, they should be able to help you out." She replied, "Forget it, we're black." and walked away.

I do feel really bad for not offering to help out, but I've given money to strangers (either that they "lost" their wallets, don't have money for food or even a train ride home, and etc...) that asked me for money in the last 2 years. After I gave those strangers money, I asked them to e-mail me back to let me know they've gotten home safely. You know how many e-mails I've gotten from those strangers? None... Not 1 had the decency to tell me that my money was well spent. So now I've rejected the last two attempts of strangers asking me for money. What would you guys do?

Answer 1

I have a policy of never giving money to panhandlers or anyone who asks for it on the street or similar places. If I am able to, in some cases, I may provide food ... not money, ever ... and I keep information with me of where available aid can be sought.

I do give to the salvation army and other local missions, as well as food banks. The best a person can do is to give to the agencies and organizations who provide aid. They then see to it that it is given out.

I have seen too often cash being used for drugs or alcohol or cigrettes, also, I have seen people who live better than I do panhandling all the time ... I have watched where they go in some cases ... I have no time for scammers!

In a situation such as you described, if I had the time I would have purchased a burger or something for at least the child, probably both ... as in I get the food and hand it to them ... or, more likely, I would have told then specifically where they could go to get help. Agencies and organizations that help have rules, and sometimes people don't want to follow the rules, or sometimes they try to get help from multiple places to sell to get money.

I believe in helping ... I have needed help myself in the past ... but doing so wisely, and so the gift goes the farthest in actually helping.