How do I tell my husband I don't love him?

Question

I have been married for 10 years. The first couple were ok, then our sex life went from a couple times a week to once every couple of months, to none at all. The last time we had sex I got pregnant and he said I tricked him. My baby is almost 3. I finally had enough and have lost all feelings for him, so I told him I wasn't happy and wanted to seperate. Now he is kissing my *** and try to get all over me and being super nice but, basically, I'm done. I don't love him anymore. I tried to tell him for years that we had to work on our relationship. He ignored me. I even suggested counseling a year ago and he laughed at me.. Now he won't let go and refuses to leave. What do I do?

Answer 1

I am almost in a same situation, but no kids. You need to brake away, just get a divorce. If your heart is not in it, you need to get tough and end it. Good luck

Answer 2

He doesn't want to pay child support and that is most likely why he is kissing up to you and being super nice. If he wouldn't consider counseling a year ago then he probably won't take it seriously now even if he agrees to do it. If he won't leave then take the initiative and find a different place yourself. Staying a in marriage where there is no love of any kind will simply make things worse. Staying together for the sake of a child is just as bad, eventually your child could come to feel that they are the cause of your problems. Personally I would move on and not look back. Being treated like a door mat isn't a relationship.

Answer 3

Well to take it slow would be more of a waste of time, it sounds like you were willing to work on it more then he was. you have many choices pack up you and the baby and say your going to visit with someone, mom, friend, family, go where you can, mean while get the papers filed for a legal separation. find someone that can help you with all the legal paper work and well after 10 yrs you have rights. if I were you I would go for the separation and well since you have the baby have him find some where else to live but give him time, or take the time and find a place for yourself if you not happy, now imagine in 3 years when you little one will be more affective by it then ever. Maybe if you do a separation first and stay some where else, or have him stay some where else, maybe then counseling won't be something to laugh at.

Answer 4

The exact thing has happened to me, although there were no children involved. I understand how you feel. I remember several tearful arguments, begging him to go to counseling with me, and being shut down. I bought lingerie, the perfume he said he liked (he told me it didn't smell the same on me), I even had to ask him if he might be gay. When I left (for another man, because he made me feel desirable again), my husband was a wreck. He was finally ready to work on our relationship, but it was too late by then. I really didn't think he cared until it affected him. Your husband has been selfish, and he will probably not change. I think you DO love him on some level, but you aren't "in" love with him anymore. A couple of years after my divorce, I met a new guy who I ended up marrying. Our relationship is what it should be. You deserve this, too. You need to approach your husband point blank with this and tell him it is just over. Tell him he can't fix it now. It may be hard for him to hear, it may seem cruel, but you have invested enough time in this failed venture and need to move on ASAP. I really believe you when you say you're done. I've been there. Try to keep things amicable for the sake of your child, but call a lawyer and get things underway tomorrow.

Answer 5

Men are generally harder to break up with than females. For that reason, here are some guidelines you should follow when breaking up with a man.

Keep it simple. The more he understands about the break up the easier it'll be for the both of you.
Keep it short. The faster you get it over with the better and the longer you are together the worse.
Leave no "maybes." Don't make him think there's a possibility of getting back together or else he may never leave you alone and just get even more the jealous when you meet someone new.
Tell him in person. If possible, tell him in person. It'll be easier on the both of you. However, if there is abuse in the relationship, seek a friend to tell him for you or write a letter.
Stay calm. If you are calm, he will be calm.
Breaking up with guy is as hard as you want it to be. The quicker you get it over with the better, there is no use in waiting unless there is a 50% chance of changing your mind. Just keep the break up easy to understand and speak calmly and everything will be fine.

Here's an article.
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7132&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=8953

Answer 6

Wow,These stories really touch my heart.Especially when you hear that couples have been together for sometimes most of their lives.I had a friend split with his wife of eighteen years a few years back.She approached him one afternoon and straight out told him that she doesn't love him anymore.When he asked her when she stopped loving him,she said,"for the last two years I've been living a lie".For the last 2 YEARS,Can you believe it,As you can imagine he was just dumbfounded.With three children to contend with also.Sex was an issue in this relationship going to the gallows but not the sole reason.Anyway to cut a long story short,They both moved on with their lives,found new partners and are happy again.As devastating as life may seem at times,It still must go on regardless.Your husband sounds insecure and is frightened to death that he is going to lose you.My god what a hard decision you are going to have to make,But ultimately it will be your decision.Good luck

Answer 7

I was married for 10 years. We had problems, he drank, was emotionally abusive, & physically abusive... he didn't actually hit me, but he would throw things at me, break things that meant something punched walls - all that good stuff. I had asked him him for 8 months to get help - things got really bad, so I told him I was leaving & had an appt for a lawyer - then he started giving me all this attention - he became obsessive. He even showed up at the lawyer's office begging me not to do this!! The whole time I was with the lawyer he was pacing outside waiting for me. He is a hunter & carries a shotgun & rifle - the police were called & the office advised me not to go home... I didn't, I got a restraining order to get out!!

You have to listen to your instincts. IF the attention he is giving is a sign that he loves you & wants to work it out, then consider it - it would be sad to throw that away...

People forget that marriage is work... sometimes we let things go just because we have the comfort of being married & take for granted that they will always be around. Schedule dates - quality time...

Your instincts tell all wither way.

Answer 8

You did a nice job of communicating the issue in your letter---I would suggest communicating it with him and legal counsel...if you really, really don't want him around anymore. men and women are as different as night and day---something you need to remember. He is kissing up to try and patch things up...find out what his LONG TERM goal is in these actions. COMMUNICATE with him at a proper time. !0 years is a lot to throw away for all the wrong reasons. maybe he is truly trying to be better---ASK HIM or tell him that you are done---not too many other choices here. It is a face to face issue--get going. If you truly want out, ask a lawyer---you can go if you want---you do not need to stay. Just cool off and think about it one more time. I wish you a lot of luck. Then I would like to ask you what are your plans for the future? Hopefully you can restart what you plan on and make it work--whatever that is...can't worry about the past---got to look ahead--seriously.

Answer 9

I do believe that in most cases it takes two to ruin a marriage. You let ten years go by without demanding changes and even took no steps to ensure you would not bring a baby into that mess of a relationship. It is way past the time to go to counseling or get a divorce.

Answer 10

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about him. The only person you can do something for is yourself and your baby. Think about this. Would you want your baby to be with and stay with someone that they are not remotely happy with? I actually had just done this same thing with my spouse. I told her straight up that for the past few years I have allowed myself to become detached from her (us) and I still loved her as a person but was NOT in love with her. Probably pretty harsh to hear but very honest. She at first got very angry and now is trying to do whatever I want her to do. This is not what I wanted from her. I actually wanted her to become a better person and then we could work on US. So that is the process that I am going through as we speak. The only thing that you can truly do is be honest with yourself. Good Luck:)

Answer 11

Counselling could help you, not because your nuts, but to help ease the stress you're facing. BTW that baby is the two of yous. Don't let him be a deadbeat dad whatever happens. Sorry you have come to this end, but from what you say I think you did your best. Good luck with this.

And yes, a lawyer, or separation facilitator (which I recommend) are in the cards.