Why are we having such a hard time getting through the crap we're going through right now? My H is being resentful and miserable to me. (I don't have enough space to explain why, let's just say we are both really hurt and this doesn't involve an affair or anything)But he says he wants to work things out, so why is he acting so pissy?
Every time i feel like things are smoothing out, it only lasts a couple of days and then I hear - ' Nothing is getting better. We can't resolve anything..." and i get back on for my next ride on the emotional rollercoaster that is our marriage. How can he be happy and friendly at me one minute, and then tell me he can't stand me the next? Every few days I have to go through "I'm leaving you as soon as I have the $ togehter." At this point Im just checked out because I can't handle the constant up and down.
I guess I just want him to make a decision on way or another and stop jerking me around. Any ideas how to fix?
2007-01-21 17:27:58 · 18 answers · asked by musicmommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't deserve this kind of behavior, but it would appear that after all is said and done, you are the one that is allowing yourself to be jerked around. And, you can stop it, if you want.
I'm reading between the lines, but from your language, I'm impressed that you want to do everything you can to save your marriage. However, you are not getting the same commitment from your husband. Any spouse that says "I'm leaving you as soon as I get the $ together" does not merit any loyalty from you.
As several others have suggested, it's time for you to take control of this situation. Pack up your things and leave, OR change the locks on the doors, and pack up his things and put them outside the front door. Either way, you need some space between yourself and the insanity.
Ask around among trusted friends or relatives and get a competent therapist to work with you during all of this. If you can get Jekyll and Hyde to go with you, fine, but if not, go yourself. You need more help and answers than you could ever get here on Yahoo.
Good luck, and stop allowing yourself to be jerked around.
2007-01-21 18:02:48 · answer #1 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whew! that's a lot. i know how you feel b/c i have been there and am still there to some extent. the point is , that you are wasting your time being with him, waiting for him to be "normal". have you ever even thought that if he were to change right now and act the way he's supposed to and everything was gravy, would it matter? do you feel like so much damage has been done that regardless of what he does now it will not change your feelings b/c of the anguish he has caused you? b/c if that is the case, what are you waiting for? i know it's hard to accept possibly never seeing him again , especially after you went with him and pretty much like chose him over your family. and that has to make you feel guilty. i've done the same thing. but your family wil love you regardless. maybe if you just take a trip out there for a weekend or a week or something just to get away for a little bit see how it is. do you guys have kids? b/c that makes it a lot harder. you need to step out of the situation to see if you can find happiness somewhere else. if he truly loves you and you are meant to be together you will be. i am a full believer in ultimatums when people screw up. life's too short to spend it miserable. so if you can never forgive him for what he has done then just leave him for a while, just to see how you feel w/o him. if anything you feel like you still want to be with him after a while he will now understand that you're dead serious about the situation and ifh e wants you back mkae him earn you back. if he doesn't then you have this new life to start on beginning with being with your family and friends and the place you call home. i wish i could take my own advice, which i'm trying to but it is not easy by any means. good luck!
2016-05-24 13:45:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would question your statement " This doesn't involve an affair or anything." If you yourself are not aware of no known issues between the two of you then suspect an AFFAIR. As for a fix....if the problem is not identified you will be running in circles chasing an answer. Communication needed. You are responsible for your own happiness so do not depend on him for that. Sadly some relationships just do not work. I wish you good-luck in finding a happy and healthy resolution that works for you both.
2007-01-21 18:45:18 · answer #3 · answered by tock522 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for your advice. I also acted almost like your husband with liquor added. Sometimes I feel guilty for driving her into somebody's arms.
My advice to you, if I may with a personal tragedy of my own, is to let him take care of things and you. Give him all the space he ever wants and never demand or fight for anything. See if he changes or shows signs of change within a month. Let him believe he is the boss and you are only there for him. If he does not change, you be the both for the next month. Be your self for the third month and see how he responds. If you both can not reconcile after 3 months, stay seperated for a few more months but keep communicating. You can decide then.
2007-01-21 19:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by havah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's getting enjoyment out of building you up and then knocking you down again. You can try counseling if he'll go with you, but if I were you, I'd be done with him. Sounds like you've given him plenty of chances. You're wasting your life with someone who enjoys torturing you. My best friend is going through a similar situation right now, and she's at the end of her rope. She's emotionally and physically drained, and can hardly even eat, while he acts like he enjoys the whole thing-I'll bet getting a child support notice in the mail will wipe that smirk off his face in a hurry. So, please stop wasting your life on someone like him. There is someone out there who will treat you like a human being, and even if there's not, you're better off on your own than with an idiot.
2007-01-22 03:44:47 · answer #5 · answered by Starscape 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im that Husband , Really! My wife left me last summer, for a reason that I still have yet to recieve the answer to. Basically, she let her teaching credential run out , and was looking for a job and found one four hours away for home. so she call me up a t work and says, Im leaving and taking the three kids, I was out of my mind , asking questions, like what went wrong etc. She said I can move with her, so I did. Now Im in my right mind, I still try to work things out , she is numb to me, and thinks what she did was ok, Im very hurt, and now i dont trust her, if I was so bad , then why did she allow me to come back? I telecommute to work, and thats not working out, now I have to leave to save my job, if I didnt work , then she might leave again, I feel like I should get on with my life,as I cant trust what shell do next, I dont cheat , use drugs, im not abusive, we get along fine. the trouble is she didnt wnat to stay home with the kids, and she wanted to work , thats fine with me, she didnt have to break our vows, to me that is sacred. to me what she did was worse than cheating. I wish she would tell me "I dont love you anymore please move out, this whole thing doesnt add up, Now im stuck in a town I dont like , (a farm town , filed with illegal aliens) high crime, bad for the kids, all the schools are esl, english as a second language. all of this, so she can have her career.
2007-01-21 18:04:26 · answer #6 · answered by SalesDude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no fix - your hubby likes this emotional rollacoaster, he gets energy from all your arguing and all your misery. so no matter what u do, u might have a total makeover and make over of your all personality , he still will find some flaws. because he wants to. so my only advice - kick him out. why do u people are afraid to live alone? living alone isn't bad. especially if u have a job and are financially imdependent. u do whatever u want, u go whenever u want, meet whoever u want - it is freedom, enjoyment. what do u have now? lamenting man who is draining your energy
2007-01-21 17:35:01 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible for you both to have a sit down chat, get all the issues out on the table and then try to find some answers to resolve them. I am wondering if he has another issue going on that maybe you don't know about. If he is threatening to leave you, then I would ask him to leave until he grows up.
2007-01-21 17:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with orange1, call his bluff and tell him pack your s**t and get the f**k out of my life, do you need some help ??? I'd start packing his shi* for him or do it together if he decides to follow through on the bluff and if he leaves, less stress for you. That same day go file for divorce, shut him out (especially if there are no minor kids involved).
2007-01-21 17:40:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cant decide whether he wants to keep the marriage or not.Dont argue with him,or get in any sort of conversation.Mum's the word.Keep your mind cool,and behave as if nothing happened.
2007-01-21 17:36:37 · answer #10 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋