i Need Your Help!!!!!!!! Serious Problem!!?

Question

Kinda long, but i need your help!

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and our relationship has always been kept a secret to my parents. I have to sneak around to see him and lie to them so we can spend time together. When we first started dating, he ran my phone bill up to about 700 dollars and ever since then, my parents hated him. But that was almost 3 years ago and now, we want to get engaged and move in together. Im sure its not because of our different ethnicities, but it just sucks having to lie to my parents because they are so strict. I am 19 years old but i feel like i am still 3. My parents are extremly strict so its not like i can talk to them about ANYTHING. What should i do? i know my boyfriend and i are going to be together for the long-haul so i really need help!! I cry all the time because it is not fair!! My parents say they want their money from him, but cmon! people make mistakes! please help!!

Thanks,
*im losing hope :( *

i actually told him not to pay my parents back the money because he bought me a ring for christmas 2005 that was well over 700 dollars.......but maybe that is the right thing to do is pay the money back... should i
help him pay?
pay for it myself?
or make him pay it all?

Answer 1

Yes, people make mistakes, but they usually learn from their mistakes....I hate to say it, but first of all, he needs to be responsible and pay back your parents for the money he owes. He ran up the phone bill, and in three years, hasn't been able to even give them $50 here and there?? They are looking at it as a responsibility...if he can't be responsible for his debts, how is he going to be responsible for their daughter? Talk to him and tell him to approach you parents regarding the money. If you are going to be together, he has to show that he is responsible...good luck, hope it works out!

Answer 2

If you really love your boyfriend, and you are an adult, there is no reason why you shouldn't be with him. However, you also love your parents, right? And if you do, you will do whatever it takes to patch things up with them. For starters, this seven hundred dollar phone bill...yes, it was a mistake. But that doesn't change the fact that the bill was made by the two of you and it would only be fair to pay them back.

However, I think this problem is more than just an outstanding bill. Talk with your parents. You never know whats wrong without communication. See what is really going on with them, fix whatever problems you have, and leave those problems in the past! Build your relationship on today and move forward. Your family will be happier and so will you!

Answer 3

First of all, don't worry about the whole marriage thing yet. If both of you are serious, leave marriage till you're at least 26. It difficult enough to have a relationship at that age, so the less variables you have the better.

As far as your parents go, they should know, or are going to find out. I'm sure your man doesn't enjoy being a secret as well, so it's time to be a grown-up and be proud of your decisions. If your parents don't agree, that's their problem, and they will have to get used to it. If they're still spiteful because of the money, get all three together and try to work something out. If you make an honest effort to find middle ground, hopefully your parents will see that and be co-operative.

I suppose the biggest suggestion I can give is to talk about it. It'll remove assumptions, and provide an amount of clarity in the situation for everyone.

Answer 4

Kim, there is some confusion here. Are you saying your parents would accept your bf if he paid back the $700 phone bill? If that's all it takes to have them welcome him, start working on it. If there are other problems, such as the way they want to control you, consider having them, and you, attend a family therapy session. If you dad objects to going to therapy ask him how he expects to deal with you leaving the house some day? How does your mom feel about your leaving some day? Have they considered what you'll be doing? Where you'll go? Tell them that if the family can't communicate comfortably as a unit, then maybe an outsider (such as the therapist) might be helpful. You are certainly old enough to make your own decisions...in fact, in most states you're considered an adult. Tell your parents you want to keep a happy family but they are making it difficult by not recognizing your maturity. Good luck.

Answer 5

If the guy used your phone then he should pay for it no buts about it. Also you my have known him for three years but you are still to young to be moving in with this guy. Lies, sneaking out,crying, keeping stuff from your parents make you sound like you are a child still and need some more growing up. You should listen to your parents and open your eyes more. I wish I have had! Your parents are not blind like you are because your in love. Talk to your parents and ask what they see in him you don't. If they tell you he is useing you believe them. Go to collage and be someone. If you move in with him you are going to have a hard time going to collage. Also up your chance on getting pregnant. Condoms don't always work and man always say that can't use them, lots of lies. Be safe your parents are only looking out for you and your safety!

Answer 6

Just work together and pay your 'unforgiving' parents back,.
If you have continued this relationship for three years, and you are 19 yrs old, then get the heck out and make a life for you and your boyfriend.
I see a 'lot' of fear in you toward your parents, and that is sooo sad. A parent should 'never' instill such fear in a child!!
If your parents can't learn to forgive him for the $700, and realize that 'all' teenagers overstep their bounds sometimes, then they
need more help than either one of you!!
I'm not trying to be disrespectful toward them, I'm simply making
a point here. If your guy is willing to start paying them back then they should be just a willing to forgive him!!
If you love him sweetie, then go get him and don't look back!!
If your parents don't like it thats really too bad.
At 19 you 'are' an adult, now act like one and go get your man!!

Answer 7

It is hard as yes I would want him to pay the bill as well if it had happened to me and my daughter, but I don't think I would risk losing my daughter over $700.
I would have thought you were an adult being 19 yrs old? so you can do as you choose, and maybe you will have to choose between your parents and this man. It may come to that
Do you want to do that???? If not wait longer.
Does he love you enough to marry you instead of "moving in" Maybe that would help your parents like him????
Just be very sure if you decide to turn your back on your parents and go with him that that is what you want as that can be VERY hard to heal.

Answer 8

OK, maybe I was too hard on you, and I'll still pray you'll be ok. I was in a relationship (when I was 19) that sounded much like yours. I only wish someone would of givin me good advice. I still think you shouldn't of lied to the parents, and I still think you should pay them back the 700 dollars. Talk to your parents even if it's hard because they are your parents and they love you. Good luck, k?

Answer 9

Well how exactly did he run your bill up to $700.00 anyway? That's kind of questionable your parents and him got off to the wrong foot anyway, and not saying anything against the two of you, but you are starting a bad reputation. You should never lie to your parents about a boy, not only are you decieving them but your giving them a reason not to trust you or him. If he loves you and he wants to earn their respect, then he should be willing to pay the money back like any respectable guy. Not to say anything but it seems like you have wasted three years. You'll never be blessed. The relationship will never work. It started off badly. Not just because of your parents but because of the fact that you had to go behind their backs to be with this boy. Love is never forbidden remember that sweetie. Go to your parents now bring your bf with you. Tell him if he loves you he will make amends and pay them the money, just out of respect. He can pay them back in installments, something. But you have to stop going behind their back, if you don't then your relationship can't work. Be honest with your parents. Parents are right sometimes. What kind of boy is this that is allowing you to run around and do all this stuff behind your parents back anyway? Something that ultimately could cost him you or you getting in trouble? Never give up hope sweetie, love is hope. But it sounds like this is all wrong. It's your life, you made your bed and now you must lie in it. I'm rooting for you, but he doesn't sound like a good guy. There are married people, who have been with their spouses for longer and realize that they don't know anything about them. Keep that in mind. Good luck sweetie, with whatever you decide.

Answer 10

augh no brainer your boyfriend should step up to the plate and be a man pay the bill dont care if it is 3 years ago. you two want to move in and get engaged better grow up first. bieng an adult means taking on responsibility, and bieng accountable for your own actions. the two of you created the bill pay for it. what you told him not to pay for the phone bill because he bought you a ring what is with that. so what there is still an outstanding bill what do you not get about bieng responsible. think you really need to rethink about moving out your not mature enough and niether is he.