helping with housework?

Question

i work 5 nights a week nightshift and my wife is at home with our kids.
She cannont get the kids to help because they are lazy.ages are 14,12,11,5.
I then cop all the abuse about not helping her with housework etc....
I sleep half the day to prepare for the next shift.Am I being unreasonable? ( I help out on my days off or when I can)

Answer 1

Since I am assuming that the kids are your kids too, I think that the unreasonable thing here is that the two parents are not uniting and establishing some routine in regards to chores with the kids. Your kids might be lazy, but if you start taking away those things that contribute to their laziness (TV, Video Games, Computers, Magazines?Comics, etc.), then they might start getting motivated. As far as you are concerned, you do need to continue to contribute to the housework (don't let your kids see that you think that any of this is soley your wife's job) to teach your children that your home is important to ALL of you and that ALL of you must contribute to taking care of it!

Answer 2

If you are helping out on your days off and during a hour or so during the day then heck no you are not being unreasonable. She doesn't work and the children are old enough to be doing things around the darn house then don't feel bad.
This is what I did with my children and yes they WERE lazy to. I sat everyone in the family down at the table and told them they will have to take over some responsiblities and my children were 9,10 and 16. It was heck at first getting them to comply and I had to take things they loved away for punishment when they didn't do what they were told but it worked out, now a year later it's great. They automatically help out and do what they are suppose to do. They will be better adults with responsiblity.
Set out a chore list for each and rotate it so they won't get stuck doing the same things all the time. That works. Reward them if all of them get there work done for the week at first then take it up to every month there be a reward for them. Maybe a movie night or alittle extra spending money or a sleep over with friends, be creative and get their attention. You are the parents, make them help you.

Answer 3

Excuse me, your wife is at home with the children, she doesn't go out to a job?? and the children are usually at school all day??
And she wants you to help???

But....... then you are asleep all day as well.

I am married to a shift worker, But I know I will not disturb him by doing the house work as he can't hear very well.
How I would get on if he were a normal person I don't know, but it seems to me she should be able to work around it, With children those ages she should have time. Maybe the children need a lesson or two.
I have done the house work while he was at work, what ever shift he was on, for over 30 years. I never got a job outside the home so we could have time together when ever he was home. I never asked him to help, he did his job and I did mine.
Now had we both been going out to work that would have been different!!!

Answer 4

How can parents not get the kids to help?

You just tell the kids 'it's time to unload the dishwasher." or whatever. YOu tell them family members help each other. You can start out trying to encourage them but you'll have to resort to pulling privileges if they don't cooperate.

If they don't help, they lose privileges. C'mon.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids WIll Talk might help. It's a great book. But, bottom line is the kids must help. Period. Or they lose use of computers, tv time, rides here and there. If that doesn't work, they start losing things in their rooms that you guys have given them.

Answer 5

Not taking sides here....but aren't the children also yours....you are also responsible for raising them and teaching them how to be good people.

I suggest you and your wife have a family meeting with your children and assign household duties to all of them, even the 5 year old. They're part of the family so they should contribute.

You can help by being responsible for cleaning up after yourself.

Answer 6

You need to sit every one down and have the TALK! make that chore list and put your foot down. Your kids are old enough to help out around the house. Excluding your 5 year old. But your wife has plenty of help she should utilize it.

Answer 7

I really don't think you are being unreasonable at all.... I am going thru the same thing with my 15 years old daughter.. she refuse to help her mother, let alone clean up after her own self....... Keep on pushing and don't lose your temper.

Answer 8

No youa re not. she better get those grown kids to do something around the house. they need to learn that before they leave the house as adults. your wife needs to get for real and have a little sympathy for a hard working man.

Answer 9

Sounds like ya wife needs to put her foot down with the kids, if they do that now with her wait till they are 16!

good luck!

Answer 10

I am the wife, I work only one day a week that is to get me out of this house. My kids are lazy, I do make them help but with alot of carry on until they do. My eldest is no problem and my daughter will do things but she is not yet 5 and if she pulls her things out I make her pick them up. As for you helping out on weekends you are full of it. During the week when the kids are on holidays its hard to get things done, You have the youngest running around the house banging cupboards and throwing his toys, he is not yet 18 months. The door is constantly knocking kids opening and closing doors and me running here there and everywhere trying to keep the house in order and the house quiet stop kids from knocking in bats, You are not a heavy sleeper and I am the one who cops it if you do get woken by saying I haven't done enough yet you aren't the one pulling your hair out trying your hardest. I am trying to think when you aren't at work when you are here you sit on the lounge, or the computer go for a ride on your motorbike, go to Brads your parents, go get joogies you do nothing, so don't write false things about me. I would be talking to you right now but you are supposed to be at work yet I found out that you have taken aweek of and still pretending to be going to work. At the same time there is a girl who flashes her **** to you and offers herself as a sex object to you and I am home with 5 kids wondering what the hell is going on. Are you with her are you because if you are its the last time you will see daylight, believe me. You are being unreasonable. I do everything for you, I know you are having a bad time but **** you might be sick of it after 13 years but so am I, you are not the only one that suffers here, I do to. You help once in a blue moon, but you are not a good example when I am trying to tell the kids tio pick there stuff up like their shoes and towels, and dirty clothes and then I turn around and see all of your everywhere, yet if I say anything You go off saying I am treating you like one of the kids. You don't do anything with the kids, you don't even talk to them, If the oldest says anything or asks you anything you reply with that would be right you want something so now you talk to me, you don't say goodnight to them, you don't say good morning, you don't do anything for them. You don't take them for a day out, so who ever reads this maybe you need to hear the whole story. So if I do get shitted off from time to time because your kids are getting out of hand or things need to get done and they aren't get off and help out rather than sit there and do nothing. Sometimes you do help out but once you can see I am going to blow my top, I am a moody person always have been but I am tryiong my god dammed hardest, yet when things get me down and I am fed up I am a phsyco a sook and a here we go again. The kids say things to me because they will ask a question and you either don't reply or if you do its none of your business or whats it got to do with you, or butt out. So of you out there that think I am unreasonable think about it.