The phone rings and it is the object of your affection! He/she invites you to a....?

Question

St. Valentine's Day Dance. Can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 or more that includes these funny quotes??
1. I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos.
2. Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
3. This guy's a restraining order waiting to happen
4. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
5. Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!
6. My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any Valium?

Answer 1

When I say that the phone call came from the object of my affection, well, that wasn't exactly true. It was Beverley's sort of boyfriend, Stan who actually asked me, but as I never really had much to do with him, I surmised that it did in fact come via a devious route, from Bev herself.

'I know it's short notice Pad' Stan said 'but as we heard that you are not doing anything tonight, St. Valentines and all that, you might like to join us at the Dance in the Social Club'. As I said I figured it had something to do with Beverley so I agreed. 'What time Stan' I asked. 'About eight' he replied 'as you know I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos and the flat is like a fly-tip'.

Now you may, but then again you may not, already know about me and Beverley. I think it used to be known as 'The Love whose name you dare not speak' of was that Oscar Wilde on the queer stuff. Any way, it was love at a distance - we were in fact miles apart. Still, there is no criminal offense in dreaming. The way I look at it is that Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. Very good for going around circles, but even better if you want to know the shortest route across the centre.

As for Stan, now to be kind, I will just say that he is what's known over here as a 'Prize Wally'. This guy's a restraining order waiting to happen. He flies off the handle every now and again and come to think of it, there is usually a full moon when he does. I once heard him singing in the gents toilet and if I can remember, it went something like this 'Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I' he then laughed for about ten minutes. Silly ****.

Three hours later as I stood in the hall awaiting their arrival, I began to feel uncomfortable. I was without doubt the only male present without a partner. I felt like a spare dick at a wedding. A Dick Tracey, that is. There were young woman obviously taking the michael out of me and many fingers were seen to point in my direction. Eventually they arrived. It had all been worth it. Just to see Beverley all dressed up to the nines and oh my God, that beautiful smile. She walked up to me and gave me a big hug and a peck on the cheek. She actually winked at me.

Why is it that every time I am standing next to her and look into her eyes, my legs go all jelly and I think I am going to faint. I was brought back to the present from my daydreaming by Beverley. She was apparently annoyed with her friend. 'Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into Stanley!!' she said to him in a sharp tone. 'With all your tidying up, clearing up, and shouting back home, I forgot my mobile. I am expecting an urgent call from my mother and must have it'. Stan was grovelling and could foresee problems later if he did not do something about the problem. 'Don't worry Bev, sweetheart' he grovellled further 'I will go straight back and will not return until I find it. Will you look after her Pad' he asked. Not only that, but he gave me a twenty pound note to buy some drinks.

As Bev and I stood at the bar, she had that impish grin on her face that had formed as soon as Stan left. 'What's tickling your fancy Bev?' I asked. She said nothing but merely opened her bag and produced her mobile. 'He'll never find it' she laughed. 'So' I asked 'why did you do it'. She looked me straight in the eyes and said 'I have to make it up to you for what happened a couple of weeks ago when I pretended to kiss you and Charlie did instead. I want to make up for it'. I wasn't dreaming, I swear I wasn't dreaming or imagining it. She took my hand and pulled me into the alcove by the window behind the extra large curtain.

I say no more. I am not a man to boast. I don't tell either. But suffice is to say that it was the best Saint Valentines Night I ever spent until I got married a year or two later. And to cap it all, we were still behind the curtain when we heard Stan's voice saying to noone in particular 'My date left with someone else. I had a lot of fun. Do you have any valium'.

Let's just say that Stan might need a sleeping pill but not your goodself Patrick. Tonight, he shall sleep the 'sleep of the just' or is it the 'sleep just after'. Whichever.....................

Answer 2

I'll give it a shot.

So Jen asks me to go somewhere with her, I'm crazy bout' her, I'm obsessed with her really, I have a shrine in my closest of everything we've done together since Kindergarten-kinda creepy really. Where we're going is to a damn dance and I can't dance, the group "Genesis" wrote a song just for me, because "I CANT DANCE" Plus I'm a tidy sort of bloke. I don't like chaos at all and dances are chaos. However, Jen is the woman of my dreams, to me love is like pi- natural, irrational, and very important, I'd hate to let her down, I need to prove myself TONIGHT!
I can't drive at all, and besides I'm paranoid, so she had to come pick me up at my house. So getting ready and sexy in the bathroom, and I hear the knock, I tell Jen to come right in and make herself at home-so she does. Then this is where she gets a bit nosy, she kinda heads toward my room without me noticing and she's opening drawers, reading letters, and worked her way to my closet and thats about the same time I walked into the room. The look on her face was indescribeable, and I felt like I was going to die, I actually heard her wisper "This guys a restraining order waiting to happen." O MY! So I just pretend I didn't catch her snooping.
On the way to the dance I had to pick up some liquor, which will hopefully help me interact and dance better. Tonight's selection, Tequila! I thought it was more romantic than sweet red wine. I start chugging, thank god for those couple packets of salt I took, and lemon jolly ranchers from last Easter. I hop back into her car and we head to our destination.
We pull up and there is people EVERYWHERE! This is the chaos I was talking about. I hate people, but not Jen, so I'll manage. The liquor finally kicked in and I'm feeling better, nice and confident. She reached for my hand and my face reddens like a rose. SWEET! Finally, we get situated, I'm drunk at this point, and I have a look on my face that you only see in cartoons. We get to dancing, and well let's put it this way, CENTER OF ATTENTION, my tie is around my head, I'm reciting everything I saw in Dirty Dancing.
She's getting just a bit pissed at me and I notice it, so to make it feel better, I tell her a poem I just made up. Kinda went like this, Roses are Red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Hoping to have her smile, and kiss me, she was still staring at me as if I were a puzzel. I started drooling from her beauty and I wispered some sweet, well they were graphic actually into her ear. I GOT SMACKED, Punched, and kicked and then she gave this shreeeeeeeeeech and walked off very fast.
Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into, I said to me and myself.
Is it wrong that I'm a 28 year old man, living at home with my grandma and can't seem to have 1 successful date?
I go and look for her to appoligize and realize she's gone! :( I started walking the 15 mile hike home, when I come across this brand spanking new BMW in the park area, so being dumb and drunk I go up to the car to hear it rocking and well with my surprise there was Jen and another man. So I whipped out my Tequila, salt packets and lemon jolly ranchers and watched for a minute knowing that never again will me and this beautiful young woman will be close! I give up! I took off running in the wrong direction, so I'm off track by 5 miles, a lil' dog won't stop following me, it's raining, my dream girl is now just a dream again.
I finally get into the door and there's sweet old grandma, and she smiling asks how everything went, well simply said it like this,
"My date left with someone else. I had alot of fun. Do you have any Valium?"
She smiled and said, "Well thats nice, let me get you some cookies and milk."
I love grandma, she understands me so well and knows how to make me feel special, she's the only important woman in my life.

THE END! :)
Stumbling into my house

Answer 3

whats the question again? none of that makes any sense.