would any of u stand for this?

Question

me and my fiance have been together for a year and three months. were getting married april 21st. im 18 hes 20. were wanting to move in together...but the thing is my parents are saying that i cant (i still live with them) until i get married. theyre are saying that it looks bad and that we have to be married before together. i think this should be mine and my fiances decision. but like always they are butting into our business. i would just go ahead and do it but theyre are saying that if i do, they are not coming to my wedding and that my fiance wont be welcome to their house and all this crap..im so stressed about it. oh not to mention i still have a curfew (12 o clock) and im not allowed to stay the night with him either. Are they being unreasonable or am i? does anyone have any advice they can give me or tips that i can talk to them about?

free spirit gurl, with orange hair, ive had this display name since i was like 13 so u shud just shut up if u dont know what ur talking about.

Answer 1

Sounds like your parents are really old fashioned. I think they just want you to do things the respectful way. They are the kind of people who don't believe in "shacking up". In a way that's a good thing. You and your fiancee have nothing but time, i don't see the need to rush. At your age i can understand your frustrations because i wanted my freedom at 18 too. Technically you're an adult and can do what you please but it's obvious you value you're parents or you wouldn't be stressed over this. My advice would be to wait it out. If you think about it Apri is not that far off.

Answer 2

Ok...being in the same situation when I was your age, let me give you some things to think about.

1. Do not get married just to have some freedom.
2. Last time I checked, 18 was the legal age to make your own decisions.
3. You need to do what YOU want to do. DO NOT let your parents control your actions. I know they are trying to keep you from getting hurt....but holding over your head them not coming to your wedding...and not accepting your future husband....thats a control issue.
4. At your young age, unless you are prepared to go through a alot, dont get married just yet.....you will literally grow up together. In ten years you will be totally different people. Financially it will be hard.
5. Trust me, if you know for absolutely sure that you are the ones for each other for the rest of your life....the justice of the peace is easier than a wedding where your parents and whole family hates what you are doing.
6. Trust your heart!!!


Hey I completely know how the 18 and 12 o clock curfew is!!! There is really no point in it, as the same thing happens before midnight that happens after....lol!!!! They made me come in at 10 oclock the night before my wedding (we might go ahead and have sex....OOPS that wasnt an issue anymore for us, but they thought I was still a good girl).

Answer 3

Three are four problems that will keep you from getting a strait/useful answer here.

1) Parents (almost from the moment they become parents) inherently gear toward decisions that keep there children with them, but not the child you are now, the one they initially fell in love with. This cause massive conflict with problem 2) Some where in the teen years most (heath) people develop repulsive/irritating personality traits that aliened there family in favor of there peers, in the olden days this was the natural catalyst by which young people would strike out on there own, but now families just have to put up with it until about 18-20 (Which is ironical the age at which most people start learn to have more equal relationships with there parents), when they are actually capable of supporting them selves. This further complicates the situation and makes it very unlike that you will get your parents to see things from your point of view

3) There are likely some kind of religious/moral constraints afflicting your parents you didn't mention. You could humor them to keep your relationship with them intact, of course that might mean putting up with them have a strong say in the live decisions you make until you decide it is the right time to start living the way you think is right.

4) Your far better off looking inside your self for answers than asking people online who don't really know you or your situation. For instance only you can decide if your mature enough to share your life and a living space with some one else. Despite popular opinion age has very little to do with readiness to be wed, some people just don't function alone and others never really bond with any one and have no need to.

Ether way I wish you luck

Answer 4

It is your decision but no matter what they are your family. You guys are getting married in 3 months anyway. I wish you and your fiance the best of luck at making your marriage work but at the same time if anything should ever happen in the future and you guys didn't make it.....you will have burned your bridges with your family over something that could have been avoided.

They are your parents and I'm sure they love you and want the best for you. Let them feel like they raised you right and wait a couple more months. Before you know it you guys will be married.

Good luck and congrats.

Answer 5

Even though yo0u may still live with him they are your parents and you still have to follow their rules no matter what roof you live under. Plus your 18 years old for cry out loud! They are just looking out for their best for you. No there not being unreasonable. I would tell my child the same thing. Why get married at 18. That is way to young to get married. What if things don't work out(even though you say they will) then what you're going to move out. And you're still in school too? No?
I don't know if any of it's the right move right now. Even though you two love each other you should hold off on everything and rethink the whole situation.

See I'm sounding like a true parent.

MJ

Answer 6

This is all you and your fiance's choice. We live in the 20th century now but your parents are thinking about moral values and tridition of the past. I'm in my upper twenties and I would want to live with my partner before I marry. I also think you two are so young, your parents must feel the same, why don't you just live with each other for a while and see where life takes you. You both have alot of time, build your fundation for the future first, you both will be so different as you get older. This is the growing into a responsible adult period and listen to your elder they are experience and know what they are talking about. I know it is hard to see it and it feels impossible to think other wise but its true, Slow Down!

Answer 7

They are right.

You live in their house. They have given you the ground rules, they are adults and that is their stand.

so what is the problem... they have spelled in out loud and clear.

You have two choices...and the option is open too you but it sounds like they care about you and want to be happy and trying to steer you in the direction that gives you security and the chance of a happy marriage.

there is nothing to talk about.. they have made up their minds.


One thing to consider... that after some time, grandkids come along etc.. I would like too think they will soften up abit.... but for now they are rock solid on how they stand.

Relax till April and go with the flow.... enjoy these last few months as home as from then on.. your world will change in every way possible and you may need them in the future.

Answer 8

They care being way to strict & unreasonable, it could be because it's a matter of your families tradition. That's just the way they are. You can't really change the way they want things, it's what they are use to. Parents these days are old fashioned, but you still have to respect them, still they have no right to tell you how to live your life because you are an adult now & this is the year 2007. Yes, it's yours & your fiance's decision to move in together. You can do it if you want, but will you be able to deal with the consequences of your parents reaction? if you can deal with it, then go ahead & move in with your fiance. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Answer 9

That's a tough one. Because you live with your parents you should do what they want. It's already January and April 21 isn't that far away. I would wait, if I were you, to keep the peace, if nothing more. Your parents are beginning to suffer from empty nest syndrome, even though you are still there. They probably would come to the wedding, but if they didn't you would be heartbroken. I know you want your dad to give you away and have your mother sitting on the front row. You will do whatever you want, of course, but I just think they are suffering from empty nest syndrome. I was so angry with my daughter when she up and moved away that I didn't speak to her for 2 months. I hope that doesn't happen to you. I was wrong, of course, but empty nest syndrome is a tough one for parents. Lots of luck!

Answer 10

You do not mentioned if you are the only Daughter they have, or there are more siblings? If you are the only they have, then can you blame them for not wanting you to live with your boyfriend without getting married? If you are 18, you are considered an adult and they cannot say anything if you do move in with your boyfriend, but, my guess is you do not want to hurt your parents or your boyfriend. Why don't you give them the satisfaction in seeing their Daughter get Married, when any Parent would be proud to see their daughter walking down the Aisle in the Arm of her Dad. I am a Mother of seven kids and I can still feel the proud feeling when one by one my kids got Married in Church, and their father proudly walking them down the aisle, that memory will forever play in our minds until we die. Please reconsider and wait until you get Married in April which is not far off.