How do I address the issue when she'll know where I got the info?

Question

I have recently found out that my maid of honor has been lying to my fiance and I on some serious issues. She has also been trash talking me to mutual friends,other bridesmaids, and even aquaintences. She is also taking credit for some of the helpful things my fiance and I did for a mutual friend. (We paid for the friends entire wedding and kept it between us, her, and the friends gettin hitched.) I have no "proof" but the person that sat me down and told me.(EXTREMELY RELIABLE!!!) This person does not want me to tell the maid of honor it was her who tattled for fear of retaliation. (Understandable when the MOH has a rep for doing such) How do I approach this? Do I let it slide? She has never treated me like this (to my knowledge) before but in the past 5 yrs.I've seen it happen to others. I guess I should've known it would happen to me sooner or later but I looked the other way. I'm payin now. I don't want a blowout fight before the wedding but how do I stomach havin' her in it? HELP

The MOH and the friend who told had an indepth talk and noone else was there. so the MOH will know exactly who snitched. I've also had problems w/ the MOH try'in to "take over" in the wedding planning and we argue if I don't use ALL of her suggestions.

The tattler is the woman whose wedding I paid for. The MOH told this womans family that she was the one who made the wedding possible! The family didn't need to know that they didn't pay for their own wedding. That is how the tattler and MOH started the initial discussion.

Answer 1

Talk to her about it

Answer 2

Just go on with the wedding and her being the MOH. But after that just kinda ignore her. Let her go as a friend. Just be like look Ive heard some things and I just dont think we should go on as friends anymore. Dont tell her what u know for the sake of the other person. Thats all u can do. But u cant let it go, because she will continue to do it. But then again if u let her continue to do it maybe eventually more people will tell u about her and u wont have to worry about the other girl. I dont know her so I dont know if she would continue it or not or tell more people. Or u could talk to her and tell her that u know she isnt real because of the way youve seen her treat others! Cuz trust me Ive learned from experience if a girl is talking about everyone or doing everyone wrong and telling it all to u then shes doing the same to u!!! But regardless she isnt a friend, and has no right to be your MOH. Good luck! and congrats on the marriage!

Answer 3

First off, NEVER EVER BELIEVE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY. no matter what the story even if it's about you. This is major drama. The person who you think is "extremely reliable" shouldn't be telling you any of this for that matter. It's none of her business either. She is also another person whom you want to stay away from (because of her tattling, she's a trouble maker) & what she's told you so far has already caused some serious drama. Her telling you all this is causing chaos between you & your Main of Honor. Did she seriously need to tell you all of this? and why at the last minute just before your wedding? just know that no matter who it is or what the situation: The "tattle tale" is also a CAUSE FOR CONCERN. Just know that a good mature woman never gossips, no matter how juicy a secret is. You say you have "no proof", so before you go & get mad at your Maid of Honor, just know that you should talk to her in a mature way & get this cleared up. It may NOT even be true, take that into consideration. Sometimes, some people are just jealous or they may hear wrong information from others & most of the time people make up stories, make up silly gossips because of stupid reasons of jealousy. You say your MOH has never done anything to you in the past. You should also take that into consideration. You also say that you've seen her do wrong to other people, which is another cause for concern, but just because she's done wrong to others in the past, it does not mean she will go & do this to you. You don't know the truth yet, so just don't get it into you head what you heard. You say you don't want a blow out fight with her before the wedding, that's good because you want to AVOID THAT. don't even consider it. You should talk to her calmly & let her know what you heard. You can ask her if it's true? tell her you trust her to be honest with you. Don't make the mistake of kicking her out of your wedding just because of this gossip. You can both be mature about it & work it out. There is a reason why you picked her to be your Maid of Honor. This is an important person in your wedding. She must be really special is the reason why you picked her, I'm not saying treat her special. I am saying to consider clearing this up carefully. Also, the person who tattled, you should tell her to STOP tattling. It's immature & not a way a grown woman should act. Tell her that you appreciate her telling you this, but you prefer she just keep her mouth shut & stay out of other people's lives. You really do not need the added stress of drama (she's already caused) because your dealing enough with the wedding going on & you got more important things to worry about than this non-sense so called High School drama.


P.S. The MOH is suppose to take over in some ways (not in a bad way) but in a good way that she's being supportive. But if she's arguing with you because you don't want to use her ideas, then maybe the both of you need to talk about that too, let her know how her attitudes been, but also take into consideration although she's being PUSHY, she's probably just trying to help you out. Usually, the MOH is responsible for planning the Bridal Shower & the Bachelorette Party. MOH usually plays that important role to be responsible about the plans & to make sure the bride has a good time. She doesn't need to be pushy though. The Bridesmaids are always open to ideas as well & let her know in a mature way if they don't agree with her ideas. MOH will then need to learn how to accept that & work it out with everyone.

sorry so long, but i hope you work things out the right way =)
Congratulations on your marriage!

Answer 4

The first thing to do when confronting someone is to use the 101% rule, you find the 1% of that person that you can praise. When you find that and you tell her, I know that you are a trustworthy person, which is why I trust you with so much information, and why I look to you for such assistance in these matters, we have a situation where information has been leaked, and I am wondering if you could help me put an end to it. I know that you wouldn't want any more gossip out than is already there. THEN If she becomes defensive, ask her why she is getting defensive. Is she feeling badly about her behavior? Is there something she needs to tell you. IF somehow she confesses, treat her with kindness and tell her that you understand how easy it is to get caught up in gossip and you'd like to help keep her accountable. IF she denies and denies, she will know that you know, and she will be treading lightly. SHE doesn't want to get kicked out of the wedding at this late date either. This isn't a deal breaker, it is simply a gossip monger. Gossip is one of the relationship breakers. Be very careful of this person, until she is willing to admit that she has a problem, don't trust her with information you don't want out. Gossip is one of the things she does, it isn't who she is though. Love her through it... Good luck!

Answer 5

Hopefully you can get through your wedding, and then I'd cut off ties, if she asks you could tell her, but you should get away from her she sounds like drama, and you are starting a wonderful life so enjoy it with out a immature friend.

Answer 6

tell her you have heard it from different people who you dont want to name