dr phil please help me get a life without needing a man in it?

Question

I am 46 yr old fem with a 5 yr old son. I was married for 17yrs getting divorced 10 yres ago, my problem is this,, i jst dont seem to be happy unless i have a man in my life, and always seem to meet the wrong ones.
I enjoy male company, and have to say i am desparate to find the right one and nbe happy and have a family thing happening. My upbrining was great stilll have 2 wonderful parents, so why do i have this need for a man. I dont go out much so i meet men from chat room and dating agencies. I also am very shallow, have met a beautiful man, but have no physical attraction to him cause he is thin. Should i seek counseling, and is there a name for my problem.
Thank you so much
karin

Answer 1

Hi Karin,

Seems to make sense to me.....you were brought up in a happy comfy home that included 2 loving parents.....it's our comfort zone. Unfortunately life doesn't always turn out that way and we are left somewhere southwest of comfort. Counselling is a wonderful idea......not being happy without something in our life (whether it be a man, a drug, an activity) isn't healthy living.....it also shows a lack of self esteem. Perhaps because of your upbringing you feel somewhat "less" because you haven't acheived what you think is the right way to live. Happiness is solely YOUR responsibility.....a man should be in our your life to "colour" it, not make it better. This thought process takes time and practice....you could speed the process by seeking therapy. You can also give it a kick start by concentrating on yourself for now.....do some of those things you always promised yourself you'd do.....take a class, paint, join a dance group. Take the importance off of men and start making this the "year of me"....find your inner strengths and celebrate them, find the weaknesses and work on them. Make it your new hobby to make yourself happy. You're intelligent enough to realize there's a problem.....admit it publically and want change....pretty brave stuff in my opinion. You're already a step ahead of most women in your position that ignore the problem and continue chasing bad relationships and never seeking real happiness....the happiness only the person themself can provide. Much luck in this.....I think you're going to land on your feet! :)

Answer 2

Karin, I use to feel like that, I didn't have the best childhood or upbringing and my first love dumped me, I'm 27 and only have had one boyfriend going on 2 yrs currently. I don't know what happened but I think it happen when I brought my self out of my difficult situation all on my own. So try doing something you like, something challenging, do something you always wanted to do. It is fulfilling, it makes you feel you can do it all on your own and you don't need anyone. Accomplish something on your own. Than need for a man is an unheathy feeling, so work on it. No one needs anyone, finding the right person is hard sometimes we never do. I like being by myself, sometimes my boyfriend gets on my nerves and he himself is the needy type. He says the bible says a man is not suppose to be by himself. Being his lady I can tell you this neediness is terrible even if he has someone. Well I hope things work out for you

Answer 3

not being attractive to a man because he is thin isn't shallow. Its your preference, be proud of it. Its the same as not being attracted to someone because he only showers once a week or is a couch potato.

How can you move on in your life if your always looking for that extra someone to tell you your wonderful or you look great or you did the right thing. Be confident in who you are, in what your interested in. If someone doesn't like it, who cares? Your amazing, and thats the attitude you need to bring to the table. Who's going to believe it if you don't. Someone once told me to walk into a room like you own it. Use that carefree attitude whenever you need it. Everyone is looking for that special someone, he's going to show up when you stop looking, and focus on something else for a minute, like a hobby or really getting into your son's life.

Answer 4

Are you nonetheless a Jehovah's Witness? you're truthfully in vast hardship now. no longer vast yet extensive! What Congregation do you circulate to and who's your Elder? in no way, in no way. I study for 8 months and circulate to the hall for greater or less 5 months now and there is not any such concern as you assert. i'm a residing evidence of what is going on in a Sunday assembly and you're as much as now fetched no person ought to have confidence what you assert.

Answer 5

Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him and robin from there and see if you can get on the show to talk with them about this problem. Yes you should seek counseling and help and you will need to know how and when to look for a new man for your life. Take your time and dont rush the process.

Answer 6

hi,
i am not the good Dr Phil but maybe i can help you. i am also a single mom with no man in my life. sound so pathetic doesn't it. but its not i have found that if you stop looking that's when they show up. and they show up in packs so just go about your business and do what ever you do all day and i bet you will find someone before you know it.

Answer 7

You are trying to fill a void in your life. caused by someone who left you. You think that a man will do it. learn to be happy with yourself and become a complete whole person; Then try to find a man.

Answer 8

How about putting your son's needs before your own needs?

Just be a good mother to the child and spend less time trying to hook up with a deadbeat loser.

Answer 9

You know what your problem is..you are afraid to be alone..get brave and stop complaining about needing someone to hold your hand! It's not a man you need-it's confidence.