My guy has talked to his father many times about his decieving behavior, compulsive lying, terrible treatment of us and everything else he has done to us. My guy's mother passed away recently, and his father bad mouths her in private to me and leaves me with this burden to hold and not tell my guy. His dad blames me for his son's discussions about his dad's behavior, and I have never done a single thing to this man. He seems schizophrenic, and bad-mouths me to my guy and his family and everyone constantly trying to make me look bad, when my guy knows I havent done anything. All of his claims are unfounded and he has bad-mouthed my entire family but it's really taking a toll, and he expects to have another (like the 6th) really long talk with me....but I am emotional and pained so much that I dont have the energy to keep doing this when NOTHING has gotten through to him. Can I keep avoiding it and hope it goes away? He has never listened to the pleas to stop. I didnt do a thing!
2007-01-21 14:38:48 · 23 answers · asked by overwhelmed85 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is a really tough situation. I would think that the best thing for you and your man is to totally distance yourselves from his father. You've tried to reason with him several times and it doesn't help. The bad thing is, no matter how tired your man might be of his dad, he might not be ready to write him off yet. I know my mom has real issues and it took a whole hell of a lot before I could distance myself, and even then I felt guilty. But it was the best thing I could have done.
I suggest sitting down with your man if you haven't already, and tell him just how much this is affecting you. Then I wouldn't exactly ask him to write off his dad, but find some way to introduce the idea with out him feeling pressure to do so. If he's not ready to make that move yet, then I don't know what.
Do you think telling his dad 'leave me the hell alone' might work, or make things worse? From what you've said so far, I'd guess it would make things worse.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-21 14:52:52 · answer #1 · answered by Mystical Illusions 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no bigger blind than the one that doesn't want to see " , It is your guy's Father ,and obviously he has mixed problems , perhaps from the loss of his wife ? , you are an outsider in blood sense , this will pass , stay out of his way and stop fanning the flame , I know it hurts but " silence is golden " because things can be said that could be misconstrued or said some thing in the heat of the moment and you can never retrieve the wrong statemeant , so silence will at least save your self , and actions well ment will be seen by the rest of the family ,and that's how you will win .
2007-01-21 22:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by young old man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but I think that you have to be straight with him. Tell him what you told us. You do not appreciate the bad mouthing of his deceased wife, you and your family or his son. Tell him how much pain and stress it causes you and that if it continues then you will not speak to him again. Explain this also to your guy. You cannot go on living with this, it is tearing you apart. Say it straight but nice. If he doesn't understand, then oh well. Maybe then he will not bother you again. Good luck!
2007-01-21 22:48:30 · answer #3 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only read half of this, but maybe it's time to take a really close look at the mental stability of your boyfriends father. He seems a little off. If that's the case then he just needs understanding and help.
2007-01-21 22:42:37 · answer #4 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people are toxic...be cordial but stay away from them. btw..i give this advice assuming you are an adult...
there is no good reason to spend any more time than absolutely necessary to maintain a civil relationship
avoiding something will not make it go away...in that case...when he asks to have another discussion...say: You know i don't think it would do either of any good...let's just agree to see things differently.
2007-01-21 22:47:04 · answer #5 · answered by Chef Susy--Cookin it up! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds very crazy.
My best advise is to tell your man that you cannot handle anymore of that behavior and that you wish to not engage in meeting or speaking with the man anymore. Get rid of the source of drama....and it will save you a lot of stress.
2007-01-21 22:50:53 · answer #6 · answered by Lala Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your guy's father is standing somewhere with his back turned to you, get a head start run towards him, and slap em in the back of the head n keep a runnin.
If that doesn't work, kick em in the nuts.
He's an azz.
2007-01-21 23:27:01 · answer #7 · answered by sguthrie1973@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd stay away from their house--there are better places to hang out with your guy. Don't let his dad be bad-mouthing your family, his late wife, or anyone else--in your presence.
2007-01-21 22:42:56 · answer #8 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your guy that you will no longer take his Fathers abuse. And stay away from the Father.
2007-01-21 22:50:17 · answer #9 · answered by jean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your mans responsibility, it is his father. Your man has to put a stop to it. You are under no obligation to have long stupid discussions with his father.
2007-01-21 22:42:38 · answer #10 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋