What will you do if your arranged husband has an affair?

Question

You got married with your arranged husband for three years and now you just gave birth to a baby girl. What will you do if you find your husband who was doing business in another country has an affair with a girl in that country?
p.s. Your husband has been in love with another girl for five years before the marriage, but they couldnt get married due to religion difference.

Thank you all for your answers and care. The situation I am mentioning here is situated in India, where love marriage is rare. And the man looks kind and nice. But he might cheat the other girl too.

If possible, I really want to have opinions from Indian people. I know most English-speaking countries are widely different from India in this aspect.

I really want to contact some of my answerers, but I dont know how to contact you. Thank you very much for all your responses. You are being very kind.
To make it clear, I am not the wife, but the girl in another country. I know i have to leave this relationship. But since the evil person cheated me into this relationship, I dont want to let him be smug at what he has been doing to me and his wife. I want to tell his wife about his behavior.
Please dont judge me, I am deeply hurt in this relationship and I dont quite know what to do. God is not at my side!

Answer 1

Stop the relationship. You will never be able to have him since he is married to someone else, so stop torturing yourself and find someone that will love you and only you.

Answer 2

Divorce is still considered as a taboo in India, and since you just gave birth to your first child, I understand that divorce is not an option you want to take. In this case, you have to be straight forward with your husband. Talk to him about your feeling in calm tone (do not be hysterical or emortional because it only makes the situation worse), and ask him if he is willing to stop seeing that woman. If your words touch his heart in any ways, he would probably say yes, even if he is secretly willing to keep seeing another woman. Important point here is, you have to make him say "Yes" no matter what. When he says yes, you will have to say that you will try to forget about what he's been doing to you too. Reconcile superficially. After a while you might or might not find out if he's still seeing her. If you are sure he's having an affair, pretend that you haven't found anything out. Just close your eyes and live your own life, and secretly find someone else with whom you can be in love. Behind your husband's back, of course. Eye for an eye. You cannot be blamed. Wishing you a luck!

Answer 3

I understand the emotional and familia attachments regarding this unique arranged system. It's obvious why the affair is happening because the husband doesn't feel emotionally bond with his wife...the word arranged constitute...a agree to, plot, design, fix up, devise, plan, schedule, etc...where is the love in this union between the husband and wife. This kind of arrangement is not at fullfill for both husband/wife but many have adapt. If the husband is in love with another girl...the present marriage will be a very unsatisfied and lonely life for both the husband and wife. This saddens me...

Answer 4

I Will voice my opinion about this one and I'm not Indian. Why are you just now writing after 5 long years? Why are you asking people now what should you do after getting pregnant and cheating with this ladies husband for 5 long years. Don't judge you? You are right because God will do that. Now when you thing go soar, you want to tell the wife about what's been going on. He didn't trick you into anything. 5 years is not trickery, you very much participated in this affair. You don't go near his wife to tell her anything, aleast give her that much respect. I bet she knows nothing about you, and when you think you're gonna push him to make a choice, I bet you are the one that gonna lose out. I can see if you was really naive to fall in this trap, but you want to destroy him for loven his wife and hurt her because you was used as his harlot. Suck it up and take care of your baby like a real mother should, because sooner or later that beautiful baby will learn that ''her mother was a mistress and that's how they was conceived '' Hopefully they ( the baby ) won't grow up and sleep with other women husband as a way of life. I don't feel sorry for you, not one tiny bit, you will get what's coming to you. LEAVE HIS WIFE ALONE. She can't help that her husband has a thing for strange women.

Answer 5

Ofcourse it will be painful for me but till I feel any threat regarding my status and my daughter's fatherhood, i would like to be his wife if he provides me all I want in a married life. He may be having an affair with a girl in the country in which he is doing the business may be his need when he is away from me. I need not bother about the affair which he was having before our marriage. The girl who is having an affair with my husband in another country cannot become his wife. so I should not worry.

Answer 6

I would arrange for a divorce. I am sorry that his religion prompted him to commit adultery. He should have married her in the first place. Now there are a lot of hurt people involved. Can you divorce him? Is that allowed? I do not see how you can deal with this for the rest of your marriage. If you cannot divorce then he has to stop-now and understand that he has done both you and your child wrong. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that you somehow find your way out or around this mess.

Answer 7

Since you are the other girl from another country, I suggest that you back off. There is nothing good continuing the affair because he's already a family man. It will haunt you forever. I don't think religion is such a big factor if he really intends to marry you years ago. I'm sure you still can find available guys from your owm country much better than this Indian guy.
Good luck!

Answer 8

First of all I am shocked that he is so religious that he could not marry his "true love" but his religious beliefs are loose enough to allow him to commit adultery!
This is a difficult question to answer without knowing the laws of your country. If divorce is allowed then I would do that. It would be really helpful if you have actual proof of the affair. Some legal systems (here in the states especially) need hard evidence of this. If divorce is not a possibility then I would not continue having sex with this man. There are all kinds of diseases that can be caught. Perhaps you should also seek advice from your religious advisor.

Answer 9

Well I am American but I am married to an Egyptian and he is muslim. Not sure if you are hindu or muslim people. I know that my husband had a fiance from his country before we were married and he loved her for a long time...It bothered me for a long time. But he finally told me one day he called her and called it off...for him to call it of with her was amazing considering it was me and him who had the religion difference because I am christian..But I know when he does go back to Egypt to visit even though I know he broke it off..I will still worry about that. How do you know he had the affair? Can you be sure of this? If he cared enough not to marry her because of his religion Don't you think he would respect his religion enough not to have an affair? Good luck

Answer 10

I would avoid this entire situation by simply refusing to be part of an arranged marriage. This is 2007...in America.

But since the damage has already been done, I would divorce the husband and try to start over entirely.

Answer 11

This is sad in this day and age that people are told who to marry because of religion. Doesn't it bother you that you had a man's baby that you don't really love? He married you though he loved someone else and you still went through with the arrangement? You will always be second best. How sad for you. Don't you deserve better?