aaahhh! i have no idea what to do-again. why is my life sooo hard? i want to DIE. ohmygoshhh. he proposed!! that's right- the guy who'd i'd been with for 3 weeks, now 4. and i love him to death with all my heart. so soon you ask? no, i love him. absolutely no question about it honest to goodness LOVE. but i thought things were going a bit too fast for me, i'd just moved to NYC not too long ago... and i ididn't have a job or permanent living. then he proposed during dinner- BEFORE i had a chance to tell him how i felt things were too fast! then i told him. he said, "well you can live with me, you won't need a job because my income will support both of us". i love him. i do... but i don't know. 4 weeks? isn't that a bit INSANE?? i don't know. i really don't. i need some really good advice. because i'm torn. i love him. but do i want to do this, and so fast??? oooh please please help meeeee!
2007-01-21 13:28:52 · 23 answers · asked by hawaii_chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first off, congrats! now then, i would agree. this is WAY too fast. slow things down. you haven't had time to truly get to know him.
you could get engaged for a few years, that would work. it'd give you plenty of time to get to know eachother better! if he really loves you back, then he'll be willing to wait this long. don't get hitched until you know the time is right
listen to your instincts and do what they're telling you to do!
good luck! i hope things work out for you!
2007-01-23 10:10:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Red flags all over the place!
In my experience, people who request a commitment so early on are looking for the "perfect one." Everyone is perfect for the 1st 3 months. Then our uglies surface and you find out there is a gambling problem or a wife or he never brushes his teeth.
They fall out of love the moment you have a human moment.
Secondly, he has already told you he is going to rescue you. Knight on a white charger syndrome. "You won't need a job." He must play hero and the minute you are working and showing independence, he will feel emasculated. Not a pretty picture.
He has poor impulse control and this will manifest in more ways. His life is spur of the moment.
Remember, sociopaths are very charming.
You are right on to say it is too early. Love has to grow. Right now, you find him charming, attractive and attentive. A nice start but love at first sight is just lust with potential.
If he is sincere, he will be willing to wait at least a year for you to settle into your new home. Have your own place. Otherwise there is no place to go if you want to leave.
Good luck!
2007-01-28 08:28:43 · answer #2 · answered by TO Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A whirlwind romance can be exciting and people can get carried away because everything is going so well. However, you both need to take a step back and think about everything in the long run. Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. Are you ready to make a lifetime commitment to someone you have known for such a short time? Your feeling for him sound strong, but I don't think marriage would be the right thing to do right now. Just let him know that you want to be with him, but that you are not ready to take that step just yet. Spend more time with him and getting to know him. When you are ready for this type of commitment you will know. Good luck!
2007-01-27 19:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to what your instincts are shouting at you!! They're telling you to slow down. They're telling you he's moving too fast. If he truly loves you, as he claims to, tell him you'd like him to ask you again in about a year, after you've had time to know each other better--through the good and bad--and after you've had time to get established in your new city. He's making it way to easy for you by seducing you with not having to work, not having to take care of money or worry about a place to live. You would be totally dependent on someone you know virtually nothing about. Love and marriage are best when you are with someone because you CHOOSE to be with them. You need to have a little independence, financial and otherwise, so you can choose to marry this man for all of the right reasons. If he loves you enough to marry you, as he says he does, he'll be there in another year, I promise.
2007-01-21 14:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing wrong with a long engagement. Four weeks is a whirlwind, if you ask me. There are bound to be lots of little quirks that haven't surfaced yet, for both of you. It all sounds very intense, but if you want this to last, I would recommend a suitable period of time to really learn about each other. A month just isn't long enough. People are far more complex than that. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you both.
2007-01-21 13:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody falls in love in just 4 weeks. You might be in lust but not love. Number one you don't even know this man and he sure doesn't know you to be proposing this fast. Why is he begging you to move in with him and offering to take of you? He sounds crazy. If you go for this you must be really desperate and you'll be on here in a couple of months telling everybody how sh****y everything turned out. That is if you are still alive, heck for all you know he could be some phsyco who will kill your ***. You better make sure you are in a public area when you tell him no, he might snap.
2007-01-28 08:39:27 · answer #6 · answered by frigginhilarious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much do you know about him? There are some people who do find their dream person and know it immediately. Most people like to get to know the other person first. I was thinking of a couple of possibilities. Maybe you could tell him what you planned to tell him before he proposed. If it was meant to be, it will stand the test of time. Another possibility is to have a long engagement (maybe get married in 2-3 years?). Use the time to really get to know him. If you're going to school, it will give you time to finish and graduate. Good luck!
2007-01-21 13:39:39 · answer #7 · answered by salsera 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is VERY fast. If you love him and know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, accept his proposal....but don't get married for a while. If you feel that you don't even want to be engaged tell him that you feel it's too early but maybe try a promise ring...something that doesn't feel so binding. He'll understand that it's too soon but that you love him and do plan on getting serious in the future.
2007-01-21 13:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He popped the question rather early I would say. Do you know (friends) with a cop or FBI agent? Consider a background check on the guy. Just please make sure he is not controlling, abusive, etc. If he is a sweetheart of a guy-tell him you will think about it-and if you say yes-a long engagement is called for. Do you have a protective brother or father to talk with the guy? If you two get hitched-congrats! Wish you the best. Take care.
2007-01-25 16:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right - too fast! Tell him you accept - however you want a long engagement. You need to talk things thru. I mean really talk things thru. You can't know someone that well that soon. I don't care if you spend 24 hours a day with them. Too many things. Ask for a year engagement and take things slower.
2007-01-21 13:45:43 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋