Since then the sex has been nonexistent. I love her dearly. Would it be wrong to seek outside sex.
2007-01-21 13:11:59 · 27 answers · asked by jmarvelous1943 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That sounds really awful; I feel really bad for you both.
Think really hard, though, about what you promised her on your wedding day. Whether it was a religious ceremony or not, you probably promised her somethign like love forever, faithfulness forever, something about how even when the going gets tough, you'll stick with her.
If you start looking for outside sex, not only will you be putting yourself at risk (STDs, pain, getting caught, etc) but you will be breaking a promise. So decide upfront whether you yourself are OK with breaking that promise.
If I were you I would make a huge project out of figuring out a way you two can have sex again. If nothing else, that you could find a way to pleasure each other even if intercourse is out of the question. You might find that intimacy and a true desire to please her makes enough of a difference that she is willing to go further and find more medical help.
Good luck.
2007-01-21 13:17:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm so tired of men asking if it is wrong to have sex outside of marriage. YES, IT IS WRONG!!!!!
If your wife has not gone to a gyn to address her problems, make her go. There are medications and creams that can help resolve that problem. Also, if the sex is non-existent, the pain is coming from lack of sex. What happens is that the vagina has become smaller, so it's like she's almost a virgin again. You know the saying "If you don't use it, you lose it."?
Get her a soft rubber dildo. You can order one from the adam and eve website. Put alot of cream on it and have her insert it slowly until it hurts too much. Stop. Move the dildo in and out in the area that is not too painful. The next night do it again until she is comfortable and it is no longer painful. The next night repeat it and push the dildo up a little further, You keep repeating this each night until she is able to get the dildo all the way in. I guarantee you, she will not have pain any longer and she will be able to resume sexual relations with you. However, she really needs to go to the gyn and tell the doctor that it hurts to have sex, so she can get the medication she needs.
2007-01-21 13:54:01 · answer #2 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is wrong to go outside of your marriage. You did take a vow for better or worse. Or did your vows say "just until my wife can't do it anymore" . Why don't you encourage her to go back to her doctor and see about some hormone replacement therapy? Find new ways to satisfy each other. Penetration and intercourse is not the only way to enjoy each other sexually. Maybe you need to turn the tables and see how you would feel about her going out and finding someone else because you had prostate cancer and were unable to "perform". Marriage and love is about alot more then just sex. Be a real man and husband to your wife and stop thinking with the head between your legs.
2007-01-21 13:22:12 · answer #3 · answered by Sally B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Though I am 36 I am really not mature enough to answer this. Mathews answer may be good, though should she be the one to bring it up? I don't know how it would work out.
I have wondered if couples ever stop having sex and if that works for both and all that.
I am not sure there is a safe way. I am not just talking about diseases here. I mean, you could fall in love. The other woman could fall in love. Ever seen Fatal Attraction?
I think the next stop is a therapist before your ideas get ahead of you. Good luck.
2007-01-21 13:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by Heather 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Had one too, and sex is great all month long, tee hee. Why don't you try different lubrication not cream. Also sex does not have to be only intercourse you could try some new and exciting things if you leave out intercourse. Try to keep it at home and speak to your wife about your concerns as she can see her Dr. for things to help this problem.
2007-01-21 13:19:29 · answer #5 · answered by noddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried all types or creams and oils both ways? If u try oiling you and her it might work. But yes iu agreed to love her though sickness and in health even tho the sex has stoped if u love her u will stay with her and not have outside sex.
2007-01-21 13:16:02 · answer #6 · answered by Yo Ya ma 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
for the sake of a happy and loving marriage yes it is wrong. I think that maybe you need to think about how she feels. She cant have sex either and if you were to seek it somewhere else that might drive her away.
2007-01-21 13:17:02 · answer #7 · answered by ? 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
of course it's wrong. I'm sure the doctor would have some medication that would make it bearable for her. Now, maybe it wasn't the hyterectomy that's made her dry. Ever consider it may be you. especially since you're considering finding another woman just for sex.
2007-01-21 13:17:30 · answer #8 · answered by oblivious 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
YES! Yes a MILLION TIME OVER! What part of "sickness and health" did you NOT understand about your vows! There are other ways to get sexual pleassure without intercourse. How could you "love her dearly" and yet even entertain the thought of cheating on her after what she's been through?
2007-01-21 13:15:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, unless SHE begs you to get a concubine. You could have yourself castrated so neither of you will desire sex or be able to feel any pleasure - that would be equal and solve the problem, without breaking your promise to her.
Did your marriage vows include "for better or for WORSE", "in SICKNESS and in health", and/or "forsaking ALL others"? If so, WHAT in the world did you think those things meant? Did you mean them, or were you just going through the motions so you could get laid?
2007-01-21 13:19:17 · answer #10 · answered by gelfling 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋