i have been dating this divorced guy for over 3 mons now and before it gets any farther i want someones opinion on this.he was married for 7yrs with a child that he adoors.hes the best/loving dad i have ever seen.the problem is he cheated on his wife not once but 2x and finally left her for an old gf(not me).he told me his wife was so bad to him she drove him to cheat.i will say in the 3 short mons i have known him he has been nothing short of wonderful/accommodating to her but she has made his life a living hell.example i heard her call him a f-cking a-shole in front of thier 5 yr old child and he just walked away.i asked him if she was so bad to u why did u not leave.he said when u have a child its not that easy u want to make it work.what do u guys think can a controlling wife make u cheat or did he make her that way from all his cheating/lieing on her?
2007-01-21 13:04:39 · 25 answers · asked by heather5jean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i hope so
2007-01-21 13:07:12 · answer #1 · answered by STORMY K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lets be honest here would you really want to be married to a cheater? Most will cheat on you too. He answered your question for you.
I asked him if she was so bad to u why did u not leave. He said when u have a child its not that easy u want to make it work.
What do u guys think can a controlling wife make u cheat or did he make way? I think he made her that way put your self in her place wouldn't you be mad if the roles were switched.
He's using you and in the end you will be hurt! Not to mention if he leaves her for you will be tied to that women and child the rest of your life. When he pays child support they can take from both of your wages if he's married to you. Do you really want to deal with her mouth the rest of your life? Could you trust him to be there for you after he has cheated before?
I am not trying to upset you just have been though this with my X husband I was the 2 wife and his child and the Xwife Had a lot of drama over the year before I dumped him.
Now I have now been married to a wonderful man over 28 years My X husband has been married over 7 times that I know of now could be more, He sure seemed like a nice guy at the time Just a cheater a liar and an abuser underneath. The surface a real player and phony If he did it to her honey he will do it to you.
You deserve someone better than him, someone who's not a cheater.
There out there you just have to look in the right places like I did.
Hugs honey Diane
2007-01-21 13:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by dianehaggart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any person can be"driven to cheat" especially if there are kids involved that the person does not want to "leave behind". You are smart to wonder which came first though the cheating or the controlling wife. They feed off each other most of the time. Just remember it takes two people to have a relationship and both are usually at fault in some way. I have been in the same situation you are now. The most important thing you have to really think about is: Am I able to deal with this mans ex. because if it gets serious you will have to and the child will always come first to him. It is a very difficult balancing act. That was what ended my relationship. We had strongly different opinions on how to deal with the issues between him and his ex.
2007-01-21 13:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by Yo_horse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may seem like a gem, but he cheated. Peirod. He can say that his wife, "drove him to cheat" but that's NOT an excuse for his actions! If he felt smothered and wanted out - he should have had the guts to file for divorce and THEN find someone else. I'm sure he's a nice guy - but his actions just show a serious lack of comittment and basic morals to me. There is no excuse for cheating on a spouse. If you aren't happy - then get out. Period. You don't cheat on your wife and mother of your child. I'd say get out. If you are really honest with yourself I am sure you have already thought about the reality of him someday cheating on you too. Afterall - if he had no problem doing it once, how easy would it be for him to find another reason to cheat on you as well? Once a cheater always a cheater.
2007-01-21 13:10:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Read the book
He's Needs, Her Needs.
It might answer your questions.
I read the book and from what you said, yes....the wife definitely could have driven him to cheat. If his needs as a male where not being fulfilled, it can drive some people to do the unthinkable....especially if someone at work or else where gives them the attention (whether intentional or not) a guy may need. It also goes the other way too....he could have not meet his ex-wife's needs and therefore she acted the way she did....I don't know the entire story.
Good luck with your new relationship!
2007-01-21 13:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by Lala Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is responsible for your decisions but yourself. If you have to ask this question, I think you know the answer: As miserable as the woman may have been, he cheated on her. Twice. He wasn't enslaved to this woman, he had the capability to leave, but instead, he deceived her and broke his martial bonds.
I would also be a little leary of how 'evil' this woman was. You only can know half the story and he's telling it. I doubt he would tell you if the only reason she's become so vindictive is because she was cheated on or something else was going on in the relationship.
He probably is a good father and a good guy but he also comes with a history of cheating. You should probably be aware of this before your relationship becomes any deeper. In my experience, if a guy cheats once, he won't be afraid to do it again.
Best of luck!
2007-01-21 13:09:43 · answer #6 · answered by Sarah C 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is no excuse. He needs to go to marriage therapy with her. For good or for worse. That is part of the marriage vows. So he needs to work it out with her. She is that way because he cheated and lied to her. You can't always take a mans explanation to the heart. Men don't tell all of the story, just bits and pieces. It's all on the table he cheated on her, their is no excuse for that...he married the women that means, he has to except all of her goods, habits, personality, and her bad traits. There are plenty of things he could have done with his wife to make her feel better. After all their married. And how is cheating going to solve anything? That just makes the situation worse if you ask me!
2007-01-21 13:14:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one makes you do anything. We each decide how to deal with a problem. He has other choices. He could seek counseling with his wife and try to fix the marriage or he could just end it. Cheating is not a very good solution. The wife might be treating him badly because she is hurt by the cheating. A man who cheats with you will have no reason not to cheat on you. You can judge someones future behavior based on their past behavior.
2007-01-22 02:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by shepherd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sort of load the question when you relate the story about how nasty his ex is. Reality check; you don't make someone nasty. People become nasty all on their own. Being nasty is a self-judgment issue. It means inner anger over something. My guess would be she recognizes he left her because she is not nice, and she can't help but be not-nice when she sees him and remembers he left her. About him, that's something you'll have to decide. You describe a nice, loving and caring human being. Did she make him that way or was he always that way? Obviously he was always that way...and she was probably the way she is now. Of course, he married her. What was she like then?
2007-01-21 13:11:29 · answer #9 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can happen, but keep in mind there are two sides to every story. He could be putting on a good act for you and may have treated her like trash dumping her when he was tired of her and wanted someone new. You may never get her side of it, but keep your eyes open:
I dealt with an abusive, financial vampire who I finally left. He consistently threatened to take away my child, never paid child support, threatened to kill me, yet 3 weeks before he married another woman, called while drunk saying how much in love he was with me. She believed I still wanted him, and thought I was always just being bitchy, so beware. All that glitters is not gold.
2007-01-21 13:12:08 · answer #10 · answered by searious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. His cheating isn't justified. As for the deeper question could he be good and possibly faithful to you in the future? Possibly if you met years down the road, but honestly he is still tangled up in a messy web. Maybe you ought to put him on a back burner or away all together. I certainly wouldn't have give him any.
2007-01-21 13:14:02 · answer #11 · answered by Heather 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋