It has been since september 3rd of 2004 that I came back to NC from Charleston SC where I thought my life was wonderful. I had a wonderful job that I loved, my kids weret happy and above all else I had a man that I worshipped. He was transfered there with his job so I left everythin and everyone I knew and went with my husband.
Two weeks after my birthday my husband told me he was seeing someone else and wanted a divorce. I got my animals and kids and came home to NC. Since then I have not been able to meet a man that even comes close to someone that I would want to be with. I cant get this man out of my mind or my heart. We are divorced and he is happy and that makes me happy for him cause that is all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Now I cant move on. The pain is still so fresh and I cant date, I cant meet anyone that I even really like. One guy I dated for 9 months never even kissed him and did not like him he just was someone to hang with. I need help with this so please..
2007-01-21 12:43:47 · 30 answers · asked by soulmate_n_nc 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have thrown myself into kids and family. I have not even thought about dating till about a month ago really. I have been content being alone till Christmas...and I was alone again. I KNOW I DONT NEED A MAN TO MOVE ON. I have just decided to date again cause the kids are teenagers and I am alone at home alot. There is just so much scrapbooking you can do. All my friends are married and that leaves me.
2007-01-21 13:05:22 · update #1
I have thrown myself into kids and family. My kids are old enough to date so they do. They are at the age they dont want mom hangin round. I have not even thought about dating till about a month ago really. I have been content being alone till Christmas...and I was alone again. I KNOW I DONT NEED A MAN TO MOVE ON. I have just decided to date again cause the kids are teenagers and I am alone at home alot. There is just so much scrapbooking you can do. All my friends are married and that leaves me.
2007-01-21 13:27:13 · update #2
Going through a divorce is like having a death in the family....and you really can't get over it until your mind is set to move on. You go through all the emotions.....anger, hurt, denial, grief, etc. I strongly relied on my family for support, and I also had a best friend who wouldn't let me sit here alone all the time. You have children, I didn't. Get involved in your children's activities, go to family gatherings, make friends, go out......not to find love, but to actually have fun. Keep yourself busy. Love will come back to you. One day soon, you'll go through your last emotion......acceptance. Good luck to you sweetie...You'll survive, I promise.
My friends are married also.... I was very fortunate that they still took the time to help me through the worst part of my life. You sound so unhappy, I wish I could help you the way I had help. I didn't throw myself in to my family.....they threw themselves & their lives in to me, to get me out of the rut I was in. I use to think of myself as a strong woman, until I went through my divorce, then I completely lost myself, and who I was. Now.....I'm stronger than I ever have been. I'm happy that at least you are THINKING about dating. That is a step forward! I don't know you, but I feel for you so much. You will make it though, I can't stress that enough.......time will help you move on.
2007-01-21 12:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has happened to you is closely related to that of experiencing a death of a loved one. You are still in the first stage which is "denial". Your telling yourself that your happy for him,which is a false hope of reconciliation, even though your divorced. You should seek counseling, you need to regain your "self esteem". Words like "move on", are meaningless, if you don't know how to do it. I am concerned that the "right" person will come into your life and you won't recognize it. If you can, you should look at the things that you like doing, join a group, even a bowling group, line dancing, places where your the new kid on the block, and start New Friendships. Things that other people have in common with You are one thing you can try. There are also groups for "single" parents, and they have dances,picnics with the kids, dinners,and these places you meet other women who share each others experiences. It is good therapy,and you have a nice time doing it. Good Luck and try some new things on your own. I wish you well.
2007-01-21 12:57:45 · answer #2 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry I dont know how to answer this question fully. But you made me think! I have just ended my relationship with my boyfriend of just one year. It was the first time I've loved someone. I'm worried that it will be a long time to get over him. So when I read your post I thought wow, you are doing really well - with the fact that you were married with kids (and the longevity of your past relationship with him). You must be a very strong and beautiful woman. For you to say, ''I'm happy for him because thats all I ever wanted for him'' is beautiful. I look up to women like you! You will find a man that will cherish and respect you. Time on your own, to find out who you are and what you enjoy most about your life, is more important. Then, that special man will come into your life unexpectedly.
2007-01-21 13:00:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. The nicest way to explain it is that it sucks. Your heart has been crushed into a million pieces and although you see everyone else functioning as normal humans it doesn't feel like you ever will. Time, yes that is one of the factors. But you also have to do things out of the ordinary that you and he never did. Staying in the same routine allows the memories to seep back into your head and the phrase "remember when...." comes into your head. Don't date one person, date everyone. I know that sounds horrible. But when you date alot of them (none of them seriously) you begin to see the faults of your ex and the possibilities of being with someone new. There are some great support groups as well full of people that understand your situation and can also make wonderful suggestions. One day at a time, and if that is too much, one minute at a time. You'll make it...
2007-01-21 12:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by Deb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you had your heart broken the this man.. Life is full of twist and turns and there is no rhymes or reasons for the way things turn out. The only advice I have is that you need a support system to lean on in times like these. Yes. the going is rough and you feel that there will be no chance at love again. Before you know it and when you least expect Mr Right will walk into your life Alway try to look your best,you just never know where you might meet.him.
Good Luck !!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-21 12:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not thinking about 'the' guy - direct your thoughts away from him. And it doesn't sound like you are ready to date at all. Put your energy into your kids and your animals and yourself, join some hobby clubs, hang out with girlfriends and work on your own internal stuff. If you are still all hung up on the old guy, there is no room in your heart for anyone new.
You need to conciously not think about this guy anymore, feeling will immediately follow thought. You can't think about him without feeling bad about it because of the situation. By now you are probably in the habit of thinking of him regularly, so you need to break that habit conciously.
2007-01-21 12:50:26 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow 2004 was long time ago... Go for what you want... if you don't want to date other guys why do it? Every person is different some people takes years to move on others only months... Eventually everything will be in order....
For me it's only been 3 months and I did the opposite... I thought jumpijng into relationships would make it easier for me... well it turned out to be other way around... Ifeel more depressed and used than ever before... so take your time and enjoy your life...
2007-01-21 12:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ay mami, im so sorry for the pain you are feeling. It is gonna be tough and it is gonna take time, but you will get past the pain, the hurt, and the need to want the past. But there is no quick fix to this, Im sure you've heard it already but it truly is a matter of time. Also focus on your own self worth. Its good you wish him happiness but what about your own? This is a person who truly didnt cherish you as you needed to be and cheated on you and your family by his actions. Know that unfortunately this is something everyone goes through at least once and somehow they make it and you will too!
2007-01-21 12:50:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships will not work for you now until you adequately grieve your divorce. So you are just kind of spinning your wheels in dating, I sense.
Take time for yourself. Maybe some counseling. Get away if only for a short weekend. Indulge in hobbies or something that you enjoyed but haven't done for awhile. Be good to yourself. Relearn how to live alone and be comfortable with that.
Then you will get "unstuck" and move through the grief process and be able to meet and be present for someone with whom you would want to spend your life.
2007-01-21 12:49:39 · answer #9 · answered by morahastits 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 9 month dating man must have known you have not woke up yet. One must care for themselves enough to love another. Put yourself; your physical and mental health first; then you will be a better mother for your children... Seek answers from God as He is always there if we but ask. God says in the Bible that one must love themselves to love others. Don't blame yourself for the divorce.. He left, not you.. It was not your fault for him leaving. You apparently have more character than he has so you would make a great spouse for the right man... Move on knowing this fact.. God bless, Earl
2007-01-21 12:54:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋