I have a girlfriend who is great and we have been together for 4 years. She is fantastic in every way except for managing her finances. She currently earns more than me but she is always overdrawn and I have had to bail her out on more than one occassion.
She was brought up in a house where her father spent money loosley and she was never taught to appreciate the values of personal finance management. I have tried to broach the subject several times but it always ends in a arguement and she becomes really defensive. She doesnt open her bank statements and sometimes she even hides them! She can never estimate her current bank account within £300 + or - !
What can i do to make sure she sorts this issue out without having any more arguments? I don't want to live like a pauper and grow old with her in a dingy bedsit! lol.
2007-01-21 10:46:31 · 11 answers · asked by Panz 1 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
some people may never change, but "guiding" her in the right direction by setting her up on a budget would be the best thing to try. give her a weekly "spending money" that you both can agree on, and try to stick with it. She most likely won't like the idea at first, but getting her to give it a try may lead to better future.
2007-01-21 10:56:05 · answer #1 · answered by js2xtrem4u 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Option 1 - When she screws up her finances next time and comes looking to you to bail her out put a price on it. Work out an interest rate and payment schedule and put it in writing. When she needs a real bail out explain that you care about her and because of that you need her to do a budget.
Option 2 - Find something you both want to do - Like a trip. Suggest she open a savings account and have 10% of her wage put into it each month. You do the same. When you reach the goal, together, go on a nice little vacation with 25% of that money.
If you do decide to get married keep your finances separate and require a Pre-Nup. Do a financial statement before you get married and update it regularly, once a year at least. Require her to do one before you get married. Have a small joint checking account that both of you pay your share of the agreed monthly expenses in to and only write checks for the items on the list out of that account.
Money can be a big problem for a relationship. Especially when you don't look at it the same way.
2007-01-21 11:38:58 · answer #2 · answered by Eric C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer: You can't.
It frankly sounds like she may be Attention Deficit, this is one of the symptoms. Might be why she and her father had the same problems, could very well have nothing to do with never being "taught" to appreciate the values of personal finance management.
But, even if it's not, you have to look at it as a difference in values and decide what you want to do about it. I'm like this, I've always been like this, and though through the years I've learned some little tricks to accomplish staying on top it isn't something I was shamed into. It took many many years for me to understand the source of the 'problem' and to focus on my strengths and find tricks to limiting the damage done. Approaching 50 I have a positive net value for the first time in my life.
And, if I ever have another serious relationship one thing is a given: NO SHARED FINANCES. If I get in trouble I bail myself out, that's a necessity. It is what it is.
The only way this is going to work out is to have separate accounts, separate responsibilities, and put money issues into the 'we don't talk about it' category. No it doesn't make the problem go away but the bottom line is you view it as a fault and she doesn't. This is not a priority area of life.
And, the day will come when you will appreciate that. You have to value her positive points way more than you hate this part.
It's not going to change. If you ever get to the point where you can talk without arguing or getting angry I have found things like direct deposit and automatic bill paying to being crucial to staying on top. But it has to be her choice, and as long as it is not her top priority you have to accept that as part of who she is. I guarantee it isn't because she 'doesn't know better' or anything like that. It's very hard to explain, but I say with all my heart and seriousness that you have to accept this part of her and find a mutually agreeable way to deal with any shared expenses, or move on to be with someone who thinks and acts more like you do.
2007-01-21 11:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by laurie888 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask her straight out anything you want to know. She will tell the truth, lie or not answer. If you can not trust her to tell the truth or if she will evade a subject, don't marry her.
If you become entangled with her, make sure that you personally handle the money. It is OK for her to have a saving and checking account in her name, but not a credit card that is in both your names. If you buy property together, never establish credit in both your names.
If ask why you act like this, be honest, you don't trust her to handle money correctly. This is a person that does not know that we are surpose to have a bank account that is fat with money. Many people think that money in the bank is wasted.
2007-01-21 11:12:23 · answer #4 · answered by whatevit 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry lad. I know how this can be. Very difficult indeed. You need to let her know that you will NOT bail her out any more and that you did NOT sign up for this!! I really mean it. Tell her to get financial management counseling elsewhere if she will not listen to you. Also do NOT marry this chick until you both have this well behind you!! Let her know that you really care about her and that you cannot envision a future where either one of you needlessly goes without essentials when with a little planning now, your and her futures would be secure. Best of luck!
2007-01-21 10:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by mountain woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is thinking they can change someone. Nobody ever changes unless they want to. I too have seen it a bunch of times. Couples fight over money more than anything else. If you are planning on marrying her, you'd better learn to put up with it or be prepared for lots of fights about it. Maybe you could suggest you both attend a personal finance seminar for couples. I hate to say it but you could be setting yourselves up for a disaster if you don't get on the same page about money.
2007-01-21 18:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by Big R 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is called "tough love". You let her sink or swim with her own finances and tell her you don't intend to bail her out. It is rough, but if you are determined to have her learn how to manage her money, she must do it on her own, and learn to deal with all the ramifications of being over drawn. I would tell her point blank, that you have no intentions of bailing her out of a tough situation until she learns the value of money and how to handle it properly. It won't be easy for her since she is the love of your life, however, what is the alternative? Being miserable when you are married?
2007-01-21 10:58:35 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a new girlfriend.
Seriously, YOU can't get your girlfriend to be more sensible in managing her money, only she can do that. By her behavior when you brin up the topic, it doesn't seem like she is willing to learn.
But if you want to try (ah, love), then stop bailing her out. How will she learn from the consequences of her actions if there are no consequences?
2007-01-21 11:00:29 · answer #8 · answered by Msknowitall 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she may be great in many ways but she is terrible in one of the things that can ruin your life. dude do u really want someone like that? i am 45 and have seen hundreds of men and yes women destroyed by such a thing
2007-01-21 10:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
holy crip that's a long question... my advice: ask him for it. if he doesn't give it to you. he's ether. 1. Poor as fuq 2. A douche bag 3. teaching you a lesson or 4. doesn't give 2 sh!ts
2016-05-24 08:39:30 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋