my wief wants seperation?

Question

we are married 20 years and i did alot of wrongs and cheated and now she wants seperation and i feel so lost. what i did happened about 8 years ago and she still reminds me about it. me and other woman didnt sleep together just met for coffee and now wife wont let me live it down HELP

Answer 1

she is wrong to want a seperation now after all these years. She should not be mad if you never kissed or did anything sexual with these women, going out to eat or having coffee are things friends do all the time. Also if she is now wanting a divorse after 8 years it is probably not because of the thing that happeed 8 years ago, something else had to have triggered her to think this is enough. If you love her and truly deserve her, want the best for her, you will know what is right and what you should do!

Answer 2

When a woman says she's done..she's done. I hate to say it but women will stay and put up with crap. Men who don't like how much weight we've gained after having their children. Men just can't accept that fact that we're just not into walking around the house in lipstick and pushup bras to make you happy for as long as we both shall live. the fact that we don't always want to just drop our panties because you're having a great day..hell your favorite football team made the playoffs, your belly's full after a great dinner, (that she cooked) and you wanna start your work week off with a quickie! Com'on guy. We as women put up with it for a long time and then there comes a time where we say enough is enough. We deal with the pot belly, online chats, and everything inbetween. And we don't go out for "coffee" for an ego stroking. No pun intended.

I feel for you. If you haven't done anything to make your marriage work in the 8 years after you went for "coffee" with this other woman then shame on you. You are probably loosing the best thing that ever happened to you.

Answer 3

It hurts your wife everyday that she has to think about what you did everyday, and yes you may have apologized and it didnt happen again but honestly...it will never leave her mind the fact that you were with another woman intimately or not intimate the fact that you spent your time with someone else other than her. And its probably been driving her crazy everyday since she found out that either she knows all the details or she doesnt know all the details and she can only imagine what else went on between you two, I think that you should let her go it will be easier for her to leave you...and yes you may be sorry for what you done, but its tearing her apart and shes not happy and shes probably miserable and can't live with someone whom she feels is only settling for her because shes the wife...**** why didn't you just leave her? it probably wouldn't have caused her soo much pain 8 yrs later and she probably would have been able to move on a long time ago too and be happy right now.

Answer 4

Obviously your wife doesn't feel that you have acknowledged your "cheating" and done whatever it takes to make it up to her. If she is unable to get past it after eight years, I think your only hope is professional counseling.

If meeting other women for coffee is upsetting your wife, why are you doing it? You were the one who looked outside your marriage, it's up to you to do everything it takes to fix it.

Unfortunately, unless your wife is willing to try to work through these issues with you, I don't see much hope for your marriage. Maybe you pushed her past the point of no return.

See if she will seek some professional help with you if you are serious about repairing your marriage. Good luck to you both.

Answer 5

if she wants a separation let her have it, as u really can't do anything about it, at least she didn't go right to the divorce word first, so there may be hope yet. she probably needed to go to counseling when it first happened, as she doesn't seem to have gotten over it yet. maybe it will take this separation to show her how she really feels about u, can't be married to someone 20 years and have no feeling for them, just hang in there, pray, and tell her u love her, and whatever makes her happy that your only concern is for her to be happy, even if your dying inside. good luck

Answer 6

for starters what was the main reason why you asked her to marry you 20 yrs ago,was it because you loved her at the time?think about what you did to her 8 yrs ago,how would have you taken it if she had done that to you?iam sure you would have been some hurt right,so look at it from her point of view for a change.

Answer 7

It sounds like the marital trust is long gone. If she stayed with you over 8 yrs, then she definitely tried but her conscience is eating at her and she cant take it anymore and realistcally wants out. Theres probably more here than youre telling us but the basics is she wants rid of you and the memories of what happened. You can fight it but why in the long run she ll get what she wants anyway and you just waste your time. Time has come to swallow your pride and admit its over and move on. Hopefully youll be more careful in the future. Good luck

Answer 8

You did not cheat. You had coffee and thought about cheating. Cheating requires swapping fluids.
Eight years later and you are still catching crap. Tell her to grow up shut up and move out if she wants. Eight years of crap over that small indiscretion is plenty of evidence why you were looking around.
She is continuing to play you. It is past time to call her bluff.

Answer 9

Seems to me she never got over what you did. Let her go, why would you want a relationship where she will keep reminding you of what you did wrong. If she was going to forgive you she wouldnt continue to bring it up.

Answer 10

If she wants a separation give it to her. Maybe if your apart she will appreciate you more. You made a mistake, if she cant forgive you then you'd be better of parting now rather then live with her nagging you about it the rest of your life!