My husband stays up on a Friday till 3am or later. He says it is because he never gets anytime to himself. We have no children and have been married three years. I love to be with him and I feel hurt by this. This weekend he stayed up friday and saturday till 3 am. He makes commitments to his father to do errands for him and helps a friend out with videography as well as going to work mon-fri. The weekend is the only time we get together and it seems like he would rather be alone. He is very loving towards me but this is a painful issue that we have.
Please tell me whethet you think I am being too uptight or if you too would be hurt. Please be kind though.
2007-01-21 10:26:42 · 13 answers · asked by JAM 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have talked to him on numerous times about this but he doesn't get it.
2007-01-21 10:33:10 · update #1
We are both Christians and in the last year he has become more Godly. But two years ago(he was a Christian then too) he used to stay up late looking at porn on the internet. I think I still have scars and I cannot trust that he sis not doing this now. I just want some quality time with him.The time I get with him is always rushing doing this and that. We had a date on Friday but as soon as we got home he got on the computer and the date was over. I don't sleep well while he is up. I have a horrible feeling that something is going on.
2007-01-22 02:13:02 · update #2
Also it feels as though he is trying to hurry me off to bed. There is no way I could stay up with him he wouldn't have that.
2007-01-22 02:16:22 · update #3
I don't see why this should be a problem for you. I know I like to wind down by myself at the end of the day, and to never get to do that would really tick me off. I would feel trapped, with no way out, and guaranteed I'd find one, but it would be more permanent than anyone would expect. If you want the passion in your marriage to endure, and if you want him to continue to be loving towards you, you better cut him some slack. What do you care if he's up late on the weekends? Are you not sleeping at 3 am? You aren't missing out on anything. Let him go to bed when he wants; he is not a child, but he will resent you like a boy resents his mother for sending him to bed early....and that'll be the wedge that comes between him. So yeah, it's not hurting you, leave him alone, and respect his need for space and privacy.
2007-01-21 11:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
want to ascertain if he's devious? tell him to have his associates come for your position for the subsequent 4 nights. Who cares in the experience that your dozing or no longer, what if something got here about at the same time as he become lengthy gone. tell him right here's a sparkling idea< "Why do not you do like your associates and get a job in the course of the day.tell him that you'll commence staying out till all hours of the morning or the subsequent time he come homestead, don't be there, bypass get a motel room and at the same time as he ask you the position you've been tell him you went and stayed at a motel, because it doesn't count number you've been dozing. I wager he ameliorations his concepts. i'm posting a piece of writing so that you'll be able to examine. good success
2016-10-15 21:59:02 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry about it honey. Im the same way he is. I love my alone time, I think it says a lot that he feel comfortable enough to stay in the same house with you and is able to find his own space within the home instead of spending time with friends to have time to himself. He probably cant sleep, or reads or something. My husband and i have a great relationship, sometimes he tries to stay up with me and we'll end up doing funny spontaneous things together and laughing all night! Or you could try to wear him out ( wink, wink ), so he'll go to sleep at a reasonable time!!!
2007-01-21 10:44:17 · answer #3 · answered by marinewife 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he is only doing this one night(sometimes two) a week, don't be so worried about it. It sounds like he does alot during the week, and he needs his "alone time". As long as he isn't doing anything bad, don't worry. Give him his time. :)
One humbs down so far, awesome! Can I get some more for showing some support for the guy in the relationship? As an aside, my husband also stays up some nights till the wee hours of the morning, and it isn't as big of a deal as you think it is. He works his *** off to support us, so I don't begrudge him some time to blow off some steam. He's at home, he doesn't do anything that I don't approve of while he's up, so no harm, no foul. Give your guy a break, I'm sure your constant harping on him isn't helping.
2007-01-21 10:48:12 · answer #4 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
just talk to him and if he dont get it through a talk, do the same thing?? or better yet go to couseling and see whats really going on...or maybe your husb just needs some alone time? my husband always wakes up too early on the weekends but he goes to play video games in the morning till im awake ...and yes he's always at work also...but i give him that free time and it don't bother me...if i was you don't worry about it or better yet plan something with him that late at night and make it fun for both of yous. like watching movies and having a snack something out of the usual he might just then enjoy spending that time with you instead of being alone.
2007-01-21 10:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by ღCCღ 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Completely fair. I stay up late for a little private time. I listen to music and work on the fan fiction I write, and play video games. When my husband is up I focus on him, but when he goes to bed (around midnight) the rest of the night is mine. I sleep in the next morning(around noon), and husband gets up around 9 am and those few hours in the morning are his private time.
2007-01-21 10:33:04 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I do this all the time. I need the time to myself and I like to stay up late. Don't try to change this about him, it will only make him resent you. Let him have the time to himself. My husband was bothered by this too, and I tried to change it and tried to go to sleep earlier with him and I do on occasion but if I had to do it all the time I would hate it.
2007-01-21 11:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband was pulling that "alone" time stuff for a while, too. I finally got smart and put a keystroke recorder on his computer, confronted him with who he was "playing" with online, and told him that it hurt me. Now he spends his late night hours in the bedroom where he needs to be instead of online.
2007-01-21 11:13:30 · answer #8 · answered by shannerzz 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It depends on what he is doing. Is he out partying, working or at home on the computer or watching tv? I f he he out with the buds, that's a problem, and you should stay out too. If he is working then the money can soften the blow of him not being home. Otherwise if he is at home, take it as a compliment, he is still at home.
2007-01-21 10:52:10 · answer #9 · answered by adriannamarie19 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is fine as long as he is not online cheating on me or watching porn. I like to give my husband time to himself. Talk with him and try to spend time with him when you can while you are both awake... Go out on a date with him and do things with him that he likes to do.
2007-01-21 10:31:25 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋