Is this a good introduction for my essay?

Question

Im suppose to write a compare and contrast essay on Oliver Twist , the movie and the novel. This is my introduction for my essay tell me what you think of it and if i should change anything thanx.

Have you ever thought of what it would be like if you lived in a time of poverty? How would it be like if you were poor and did not know from where you would be getting your next meal? These are only a couple questions you might ask yourself if you lived in the early nineteenth century. Dickens addresses these issues in his timeless masterpiece Oliver Twist. In the story of Oliver Twist, Dickens uses past experiences from his childhood and targets the poor Law of 1834 which renewed the importance of the workhouse as a means of relief for the poor. Although the novel gives a good insight on the plot and characters, Oliver Twist is more entertaining on screen.

Answer 1

Well, it's not bad. I have a few suggestions though.

Change "time of poverty" to poverty (it's a state of being, not a period in history)

Change second sentence to: What if you were so poor you didn't know where your next meal would come from?

Third sentence: These are only a few of the issues you might face if you had lived in the early 19th century.

Change "past experiences" to experiences (it can only be in the past)

Change "renewed the importance of the workhouse as a means of relief for the poor." to "promoted the the use of the workhouse as an inexpensive means of dealing with the poor."

Answer 2

Hi. It's ok but needs some work. Here's my "version":

Have you ever considered what it would be like to live in poverty? How would you feel if you were poor and did not know where your next meal was coming from? These are only a few of the questions you might ask yourself if you had lived in the 19th century. In his timeless masterpiece, Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens addresses these issues of poverty. In the story of Oliver Twist, Dickens uses past experiences from his childhood and targets the poor Law of 1834. This law, which renewed the importance of the workhouse, was a means of relief for the poor.

Though the novel gives detailed insight into the characters and plot, Oliver Twist is more entertaining in the movie version of the novel.

Answer 3

It's a good start but I think you are missing the point of the compare between the book and the film. All adaptations to film suffer because they can't possibly cover every event and nuance contained in the complete novel. So the people who make the film must select the events and circumstances in the book that would translate onto film best. This can dilute or even completely change the underlying message of the book.

I think you need to focus on important parts of the book that were NOT in the film. You should also spend some time discussing any 'artistic' changes the film maker made to the story which diverge from the book, and what meaning or impact those changes may have had.

Focusing on how much more fun it was to watch the flick than read the book - I don't think that's what your teacher was looking for in this exercise.

Your first two sentences - I think you might need a different opening - there are people living in poverty right now all over the world - including in the United States. Perhaps an opening that points to the extremes of Class in 19th century England and the impact the Law of 1834 had on keeping the poor in their place - Just something for you to consider - not saying scrap it on my account - just some friendly observations.

Good luck

Answer 4

Oliver Twist Essay

Answer 5

Here's an idea: Mixed-sexes at school cause a number of problems: jealousy, competition for attention, premature sexual activities, daydreaming, distractions, beauty competitions, self-image hangups, and (fill in the blanks), to name but a few. Even though same-sex schools have a few similar or opposite downfalls, the education level achieved by a same-sex facility overcompensates these faults. I will prove that the concentration and, ergo, scholarly outcomes achieved at a same-sex school are much higher than a normal mixed school. With facts taken from the National Bereau of Statistics (or whatever it is called there) I will prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that having an All-Boys or an All-Girls secondary college will greatly increase the intelligence of our population. Then go on to talk about how many homosexuals are formed at these types of schools compared to the supressed ones from mixed schooling....LOL Tough case to argue!

Answer 6

I think it's good. From this intro, it's easy to see WHAT you are writing about and the stance you are going to take. Your thesis is very clear. I also like how you started with a question - it really grabs the reader in.

Answer 7

so you have two theisis statements. tell the reader what to expect not whats in the story.. remember the first paragraph should be captivatingi would leave the 2nd sentence as my opening. just because the 1st and 2nd look all to similar

Answer 8

Sounds great

Answer 9

intro good, but not adhesive with thesis statement. maybe combine ideas of thesis and intro. remove unnecessary words

Answer 10

it intrests the reader by making them think. Good job