Please just answer?

Question

I don't like to impose myself on people, because I have this thing where I'm worried that I'll push myself on people when they don't like me (I hate it when people I dislike try and hang out with me).
So then I'll wait to be invited to sit down at a lunch table, or I won't ask people to hang out with me unless they've invited me to hang out with them at least two times before, and as a result I have a hard time making friends. What can I do, if anything? ALL responses are appreciated a lot.
thanks

Answer 1

i did the same in HS and was a very lonely person... then i found out years later that everyone just thought i was stuck up, and hung out with people from a different school... i wasted 4 years waiting to be invited, instead of just asking what was going on that night. just go for it! have fun! you only live life once!

Answer 2

You're at least a little shy, and this is holding you back. There is nothing morally wrong with being shy, but it can make you lonely and fearful in a group.
The two times rule is self imposed. It's important to remember that, and that you are free to impose a different rule, such as that no previous invitation is necessary.
There are lots of shy people in the world. Try joining a club that doesn't demand a lot of interaction, such as a chess club. Or practice chatting online in chat rooms (you can be as bold as you want in a chat room, within legal limits). Or take up a scientific hobby like astronomy, where most of the talk is about telescopes and the latest news. I'm sure there's some niche for you somewhere.

Answer 3

Well if there are any social activities such as music club, art club etc. you can join one of them which fits you most; and do not be shy or too defensive when talking to people, even just asking time or sharing a book will do. No body will invite you unless they know you. Make people know you, the relationships take time so be patient but at least talk the people and never lose your self-confidence, it is the all you need. As a last word: if you think the people hanging out with you does not like you; simply do not hang out with him/her... Hope it helped...

Answer 4

You need to be a bit extravert. If you're having lunch and you see people who work at the same place or go to the same class, just ask if they don't mind you sit with them. Friendship needs to start somewhere and the first thing you do is to get to know the person - not so much on a personal level - it will progress. When you start talking to someone, you find out what that person likes or dislikes - and there are subjects that may interest both of you. So you talk more and sooner or later, you become one of the girls.

Answer 5

Your own attitude is working against you. You say you hate it when people you dislike try to hang out with you. Why? Hate is a pretty strong word You can't blame people just because they want to get to know you. Now because this the way you are, you think others will treat you the same way. Why would you be imposing on them? How else will you ever meet new friends? Try to be more accepting of others and yourself. Approach new people with a positive attitude, be friendly and see what happens.

Answer 6

You get a lot further in this life demonstrating interest in someone else than trying to attract interest. Whoever is asking the questions is always in control of the conversation. Almost everyone likes to talk about him or herself. By asking targeted questions you are not imposing, you are giving another individual the opportunity to converse at length on his or her favorite subject. It really isn't that hard - especially with teens who are essentially self centered and lack the life experience to tell when people are being insincere.

With a little practice, you can own anyone in the lunchroom.

Answer 7

Instead of waiting to be PICKED as a friend, why don't you think about BEING a friend to someone who is not always in the thick of a clique?
I was a Navy child, and we moved every 9-18 months, almost always in the mid school year--so I had to learn how to make friends with folks after they had already paired up with others!
I was the new kid on the block...I smiled a lot, and eventually, pretty much the whole class would be my friend by the end of the year--and the girls I chose to pal with...many are STILL MY friends today--some 40 to 43 years later!!!
Remind yourself how lucky THEY are that you chose them!
Now, go dazzle them all with YOUR smile...they will wonder what you know that they don't! It's called mystery!

Answer 8

I have literally the EXACT SAME problem. One good thing that happened to me was meeting ridiculously outgoing people through my High School's theatre company. After being in theatre for a while, it was alot easier to get close to people. It was the same with band. We all shared a common interest and I've grown with people since the beginning of middle school. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you find things that you're interested in. When you find other people that are interested in the same things, it'll be alot easier to become friends with them. I really do have a hard time making friends sometimes, but that's how I've made nearly all of my good friends. Just learn to believe in yourself and realize that, if someone is truly your friend, they'll want to share your company.

Answer 9

I hope there is a way for you to gain some self-confidence. Just sit down with the group for lunch one day and see how they respond. If positive, then sit there again the next day. If negative response, you'll know to move on to another area the next time. You need to get to know them and give them a chance to know you. Sometimes people think that shy people, like yourself, are snobs because you don't go out of your way to meet them. You need to show them that you're not. Good luck.

Answer 10

I used to be just like you. I lost a lot of friendships because people thought that I didn't like them. I still don't push myself on people, and am quite laid back, but you need to realise you are a nice person, and people do like you.

You need to realise, people love making new friends. You can invite someone to be your friend. They are allowed to say no. Take a big breath, and just invite.

Another way to make great friends is team sport, or hobbie clubs. But remember when the team goes to socialise together, you go too. You are part of the team. They will like you for who you are.

You are trying to hard. Relax, so that you can enjoy llife and friendships.