Has anyone here ever deprogrammed their husband from the years of emotional blackmail and abuse their mothers inflicted on them?
What works best?
2007-01-21 10:04:00 · 8 answers · asked by DRNoraSarasin 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been working on that for about 14 years and happily there are good results. A lot of love, a lot of talking and a great deal of patience seems to be the key. I've shown him how he is important to me and everyone we know. I've made him know how much it means to me when he builds something, does something around the house, etc. His self esteem has raised to a level that is becoming instead of demeaning over the years. And THAT is what it's all about - self esteem. We were care givers to his mother for the last 5 years of her life and she was abusive right to the end, but we gave her all the comfort and caring possible to make her life easier. I'm thankful that my husband has always been a sensitive and caring man, and I'm also thankful that the only left overs from his mother's years of emotional blackmail and abuse is an anxiety disorder that has been recognized and is controlled with medication. Good luck - I hope you have the sense to live far away from your husband's mother. Trust me, the way she is has become a way of life for her but it does not have to be a way of life for the two of you.
2007-01-21 10:18:22 · answer #1 · answered by Decoy Duck 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The damage has already been done. You cant deprogram anyone one for any reason. What s done is done and he will never forget. The only way to get past this is through therapy and HE will have to fix this when he is ready. You cant do it for him. He will have to learn to forgive his mother in order to move on and put it in the past.
2007-01-21 18:13:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Deprogramming???? For goodness sakes he is not a robot hon he is a man with his own personality and feelings. You cannot change him just like he cannot change and reprogram you. He needs counseling and help if he wants to get away from this. It is not your job or place to change him that is HIS choice . The only one you have power to change is YOU!
2007-01-21 18:19:39 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
22 years of trying everything...wow...probably the positive reinforcement--CONSTANTLY...was the most help--but it was a lot of work on my part, honestly.
In the end, the "voices" or the "tapes" in his head of her voice,
were too loud for me to compete with, and our relationship declined.
I would suggest a good Rational Emotive Therapist--to work with you both. If just one goes, the other won't be on board and understand how much life can be made to WORK easily the way it does when you both are paddling in the same direction!
Guess I dropped my paddle too soon.
Good Luck!
2007-01-21 18:10:16 · answer #4 · answered by susieque 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The next time you see your M-I-L pulling the old song and dance on your husband, openly and aggressively defy her and step up to defend your man. When he sees you leaping to his defense, it may spark a sense of self worth. Fan that flame, baby!
2007-01-21 18:26:58 · answer #5 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know whats really sad , husbands usually marry somebody that is just like their mother. If you want to solve this problem, just ask yourself...
2007-01-21 18:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by SalesDude 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know somebody just like this and the guy will never be right.
2007-01-21 18:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by Tasha 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
foamy rules!
2007-01-21 18:06:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋