My husb. likes porn. And he always wants to use it. Does any one has a good reason why i should agree to it. He says it just turns him on quicker and gets his hornier. I feel bad and depressed over it because i feel like i'm not the one that turns him on, and that he is just using me to finish up. He also likes to use toys all the time. I'm a type of person that believes in two people only, and that it should be just me and him. And if i do give up and allow porn in my relationship. i wonder if it's going to get worse. since later on porn not be enough for him. has naybody had this situation? what do you sugjest? or sholud i just give up and try to enjoy it my self? this subject had turnes me down and i feel like i'm not good enough for him and also that he is almost like cheating. Please help. i need real life stories, and suggestions
Thank you.
2007-01-21 09:26:42 · 20 answers · asked by hey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i'm trying my best to keep it exiting, i do the dress ups the moves. i personally love having sex with him. I don't mind the toys as much. we have talk about it, and he strongly stands on his side that there is nothing wrong with porn he likes to have sex during he is watching it too. but to me it's a big turn down. How do i fing a counselor who could possibly talk to him about it. I have looked at some websides with why it's not good for the relationship, and i lrt him read it. After that he told me that he disagrees with the info. I feel so bad that i can't even have it with him now. It totaly destroys me.
please give me advise
thank you
2007-01-21 10:03:36 · update #1
Don't agree to amything that you are not really happy with.
have you spoken to him about how you feel ?
i think all men will watch porn if they are given the chance but if you don't like it he should respect your wishes.
i bet he doesn't realise how bad it makes you feel.
good luck xxx
2007-01-21 09:33:25 · answer #1 · answered by sarebeardragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe you should try it. Pick up a few pointers from the film. Then start to surprise your hubby with a few tricks of your own. I think he just needs some excitement in the bedroom, not that your not good enough. Try it, before he go else where. Haven't you heard the saying, "What you won't do it, someone else will". Don't let that happen. I love my husband and I will do whatever it takes to make him happy. (except bringing someone else in) I always have a few tricks up my sleeve. Buy some outfits and surprise him. Keep him busy and drained. Take control he might like it. Then he won't need the porn, he'll have his star right at home in his very own bedroom.
2007-01-21 17:36:00 · answer #2 · answered by kayjay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not comfortable with the porn and sex toys, your husband should not be forcing you to participate. That is selfish, disrespectful, and it does nothing but crush your self esteem as a woman. You need to have a real heart to heart and let him know that his love of porno makes you feel like you are not good enough and that the pics that he is looking at do nothing but put unrealistic images of woman in his head, which you can not live up to. You both should benefit from sex, so the two of you have to find a compromise. If he refuses, then you need to take a long hard look at the marriage.
2007-01-21 17:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by TwinkaTee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY don't you like the porn? Is it the type of porn? Or do you just feel uncomfortable watching other people have sex?
First you need to figure that out.
Then you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Tell him the truth. And be honest and frank. This is not the time to sugar coat it. Tell him how you feel. But make sure you also have a solution to the problem.
Maybe you'll agree to only have the porn half the time. maybe he needs to buy that "women" porn with a story to get you involved. Who knows. There's always a solution to the problem.
2007-01-21 18:12:08 · answer #4 · answered by jacq 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl I think that is just something that all men have a taste for. Men and women just have different sexual appetites. Now i do agree that it should not be used to get aroused for you b/c it should be you who does that for him. So I would suggest telling him that you guys can widen you bedroom habits and make your own porn instead of the way it is now. Who knows you may enjoy it. It just seems that you are old fashion a lil bit which nothing is wrong with that as far as just wanting u two to be intimate naturally but there is nothing at all wrong with spicing up the bedroom with some things. Stay blessed!
2007-01-21 17:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by shay80800 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After reading your update, it seems his problem is total disregard to your feelings. All he cares about is what he wants, not you at all.
I'm not sure what to do here. If he's watching a lot of girl on girl action and expects you to watch it and be turned on by it, maybe tell him you want to see guy on guy action. If he says no, ask him why. If it's because it would turn him off, explain that is exactly how you feel about it. If he's watching men with women, I'm not sure what to do to try to make him see your side. Maybe the gay porn will still be able to get your point across. Good Luck. He seems to be really self absorbed.
2007-01-21 18:05:45 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same place with a boyfriend. I feel the same way that you do about porn...it is just like cheating. Whether it is physical or psychological, it is still cheating. (to me)
Maybe you could compromise on the toys? That way it is still the two of you and not another person....they can add a little bit of spice and enjoyment, for BOTH of you!
My ex was addicted to the porn...couldn't/wouldn't give it up...now he has his porn and not me. I wouldn't put up with it...I back you 100% and I wish you the best of luck! I know it sucks!
2007-01-21 17:33:09 · answer #7 · answered by daisy31 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend is the exact same way. It really bothers me too. So far it hasn't effected our sex life so I just try to let it go. When I have confronted him about it, he just says he's curious and that it has nothing to do with me and whether or not I turn him on. I just try not to let it bother me. I do however, monitor the websites he goes onto by looking at his cookies. I want to make sure he isn't looking at something inappropriate like child porn or something. If you aren't comfortable looking at porn with him, than don't.
2007-01-21 17:33:53 · answer #8 · answered by countrygirl004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't like the idea,then object. Just because his addiction to porn is ruling his drive for sex,doesn't mean you have to give in. If I were you I wouldnt' deal with it,seeing as,he is a grown man,who see's fantasies as being realistic,and he is being turned on by women he can't have.
I suggest you tell him,he better become very acquainted with Rosey palms,because you won't be giving in anytime soon.
2007-01-21 17:33:42 · answer #9 · answered by Ellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the way ot sounds, he just doesn't get it. It's obviosly normal to him and a weird creepy thing to you. What you should do is explain to him that it makes you uncomfortable but not in an attacking or demeaning way. Just let him know that It's not OK with you. He is expecting you to go out of you way to please him which in a marriage you should do but not at the expense of your dignity. He needs to realize that this is a 2 way street and he has a commitment to keep you happy safe and satisfied as well.
2007-01-21 17:37:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, this hasn't happened to me, but I think that if your husband insists on you doing anything in your sex life that you don't like or that makes you uncomfortable even after you tell him so, he's the one in the wrong. No, it doesn't mean you're not "good enough." In my opinion, he's the one that has a problem. Don't blame yourself. From what you've said, none of this is your fault.
2007-01-21 17:37:40 · answer #11 · answered by Leah L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋