My husband is agood man. He works, he helps around the house and he's great with my daughter. The problem is we married after a long distance relationship. We moved in together and immediately were married. Now that I've gotten to know him, I really don't like him. There are so many things he does that I didn't know about before we married. There's no spark when we kiss. I want to tell him how I feel, but I know he'll leave and I know he has no where to go. What should I do?
2007-01-21 09:21:32 · 16 answers · asked by cadjsm 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He and I started talking about this before Christmas. We've been trying the dating thing, and he's done everything I have asked, but it still isn't there for me.
2007-01-21 09:42:27 · update #1
He and I started talking about this before Christmas. We've been trying the dating thing, and he's done everything I have asked, but it still isn't there for me.
2007-01-21 09:42:36 · update #2
My husband is not my daughter's father. He is not involved at all.
2007-01-21 09:45:51 · update #3
I have to agree with jessica, work with him. Good men are hard to find and obviously you have found a man that you can cohabitate with and an amount of trust and keep in mind that the environment for your daughter is more important than either you or him and should be at the top of the list above all else. Providing a good home for children does "Not Require" that the parents be in love, however, the relationship should show the basics of compatability and Love for the child is required. Open your mind and look at his good qualities. Try admiring him at a distance when he interfaces with your daughter and see what he means to her before you try to accomodate yourself. Please do not think that I am looking down on you as I know how you feel but there are things that are so much more important than love and that is sad to say but realistic being that we know that love leaves out so many of the important basics and does not conquer all. Give a good hard look at what you have and weigh it against the have not's and make a good decision. It is easier to be happy knowing that a balanced life and a growing child doing well than to be constantly juggling and evaluating change as important as losing part of a household. Ask your daughter how she feels as she is a part of the family also and should be a part of your list. I do not envy you as you are in a tough part of life but think it through and take all things into consideration and the effect that the change will have on everyone. Maybe you will have a different perspective after a thourough look at all the different things in the complicated makeup of a family, for all concerned I hope so. God bless you and your home and I wish you the best.
2007-01-21 11:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by andyman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as "fallen out of Love" Love is an action word. Love is work. Sounds like there is more to this story. Mabey he is too nice. Perhaps your used to abusive men? Referring the word Love to "sparks" tells me you think of love as a mystical happening between two people, and thats just not so. "Sparks" happen when two people are committed to the marriage, in all aspects. Either you or he have "checked out". You must have saw something in him when you met him. He has nowhere to go? What do you care? or you do care...
2007-01-21 10:05:01 · answer #2 · answered by SalesDude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the respect of you, your husband and your daughter, you must tell him how you feel. Nothing can come of a relationship with unreciprocated love. But let him know he is a part of your life forever, you both share a daughter, stay close as friends(if at all possible). but you better be sure you arn't in love, because you could soon find yourself looking at him with loving eyes and find he has moved on. Don't judge him on his past, judge him on who he is right now, with you and your child. But you must discuss your concerns of his sordid past with him.
To me it sounds like you built him up to be what you wanted in your mind and fell in love with your dream. Once you actually spent time with the real thing...you may have realised that he wasn't what you dreamed he was. I don't believe if its true love, anyone could just go, "Oh, I'm not in love anymore...bye!"
Anyway, Good Luck!
PS Its easy for a good man to find a woman to love him, Its almost impossible for a woman to find any good men that arn't taken.
2007-01-21 09:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by Bedazzled101 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it's time to sit down and find out whats on each others mind.Talk about it and try to come to an understanding together.If he really cares for you this will be very hurtful.Maybe go to counseling to soften the truth more.This will at least help both of you understand things better and maybe it will bring closure for both of you as well.
2007-01-21 09:34:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i went thru the same thing... my wife of 5 yrs just up and told me she was not in love with me and we argued, but since neither one of us had a place to go we stayed in the same house for 4 months. we then divorced around 15 yrs ago and still are the best of friends. it took a while to get over the hurt but I was able to come to terms with our fast relationship and be a friend. it takes talking and truthful conversation. no yelling and madness. it will be tough but it will work out! good luck!
2007-01-21 09:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by jabbernaut_1955 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your situation. Your heart is in the right place. He's a great guy. and he probably loves you. but, if you dont love him you will never be able to live happily. so... the best thing to do is ask him if he really loves you. if he says yes, just tell him that hes a great guy,husband, and father but you just dont feel the same way he feels about you. tell him you dont mean to hurt him. but you just cant continue to live a fake marriage. i mean of course its a real marriage but i mean he wants to be married to you and you dont want the marriage. so in a way its kind of like lying to yourself. just let him down easy.
2007-01-21 09:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by juciecalper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your wedding vows seriously and try to make this work. Do you know how hard it is to find a good man? Everyone, even the greatest lover on earth, is going to have qualities we find irksome when we live with that person every day. Find creative ways to re-kindle the romance. Good luck!
2007-01-21 09:41:43 · answer #7 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple. It's life, stuff happens. Perhaps it won't cause him too much emotional discomfort. Men can usually handle this a lot better than women...(no offense meant)
2007-01-21 09:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you tell him instead that the spark isn't as great as it used to be and that you think some dating of each other is very important to restore the flame.
2007-01-21 09:27:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
that's a really really hard question but before you do anything just remember your daughter is involved in this to.
2007-01-21 09:39:34 · answer #10 · answered by The one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋