Recently, I purchased a bottle of VERY expensive men's perfume for my husband. The other day, while I was in the bedroom, his 20 year old son (my step), swaggered over to our dresser and proceeded to give himself three long sprays before leaving for his full time job at the mall (not exactly a 'special occasion'). I was too stunned to speak. When I related this to my husband, he said, "No big deal. He asked me if he could use it and I said 'Sure'. I'm teaching him to SHARE." Every day since, his son has been using the perfume. (My husband uses it only when we go out). It has made me so livid, that today I hid it. I realize this is childish and petty, but it's making me crazy that his son is allowed to do this. He could easily buy his own with the earnings from his job. Comments? Advice?
2007-01-21 09:06:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess YOU are not into this sharing thing.
2007-01-21 09:10:18 · answer #1 · answered by Kokopelli 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey Sly,
I have to tell you...I think that there are problems way beyond the perfume thing. Something tells me that this is just the surface. You know, deep down, that if it were anyone you were getting along with that was a member of your family, it wouldn't bug you one bit. Kids do this...they still your clothes, borrow your cosmetics, shaving gel, jewellery; they even move out, show up at your house and raid the home (food, toilet paper, you name it). Young men and women give little thought to whether they are 'wasting' something expensive that belongs to their parent.
It seems a little petty and that is why I believe there is much more to this story...maybe he has been a pain in the **** step son. Cut the kid a break and understand that you have to earn his trust and it might take years. It sucks, I know, but a friend once said to me..."do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Expect more thoughtless behaviour, because it is going to take time.
Also, I agree with the majority of people here...you gave your husband a gift. Do yourself a favour, put the perfume back exactly where it was, and don't utter another word about it. You never want to lose your class around your husband against his family...believe me. If you really want to shine, buy your husband and the step son their own bottles and tell the step son that you know how much he likes it so you picked one up for him too. He may still pretend not to appreciate your gift, but it may also make him start to question his thoughts about you. Peace.
2007-01-21 09:26:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is this silly little Forward that people send on to me every now and then that says a mans wife died and he was gathering things to take to the funeral home for her to be buried in. A friend went with him and a ? raised when the man got out a box from the closet and set it on the bed. The friend asked what it was, he said it was a underwear set (or something) that they had got on a trip once. She wanted to save it for a special time. Having never worn it, he thought this would be a special time.
So what I am saying I guess is that it is better to use the stuff you want to save and enjoy it. Who knows how long we have. If hubby wants to share, be happy about it. Maybe hubby will use it more often if you say something nice, like, Hun how about wearing that cologne you got to bed tonight, I sure like that smell. That way he will use it and it won't be used up just by the son. Dads usually let their kids get away with a lot. He is just being Dad.
2007-01-21 09:26:59 · answer #3 · answered by samantha s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh c'mon... if this was YOUR son, wouldn't you feel ok about him using it? Or, if it was your daughter, would you get livid if she asked to borrow your clothes or make-up? You gave the gift to your husband, it's not yours now, it's his, and he can use it as HE sees fit. I think, the issue here is that a 20-year-old is still living at home, and is not contributing to any of the expenses of the house - am I right? This is something you need to discuss with your husband; perfume bottle has nothing to do with it, the issue is much more deep-seated than that.
2007-01-21 09:16:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you're feeling is hurt. fragrance is a personal gift, and it's something that you put time and effort and feeling into when choosing one. you wanted to smell that fragrance on your husband, not your son! your son is old enough to choose and purchase a fragrance of his own. he's just using good old dad's because it's there, and he doesn't have to pay for it!
honestly, I'm not trying to be mean, but I can imagine that you found that particular fragrance attractive, and sexy. and when you smell it on your son, it just loses that appeal. maybe you could talk to your husband about that, and let him know that you were looking forward to smelling the fragrance on him, and only him.
I also understand that you feel hurt that your husband gave your son absolute permission to use the fragrance freely. and my advice is, don't buy any more. I'd almost guarantee your son won't replace it when he uses it all!
knowing how your husband has responded to your concern about your son using the fragrance, I think I would just let it go, because you're husband did give him permission to help himself.
I don't think that this issue has anything to do with your son being your step-son, it's an issue about that fragrance being a personal gift from you to your husband. and it being an expensive gift that's being carelessly wasted because the person using it didn't have to pay for it.
just make sure that the next time you buy an expensive fragrance, that it's for you!
Best Wishes With Everything.
2007-01-21 11:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly dont understand why you feel the way you do. Your husband obviously has a close relationship with his son and likes to share his good fortune. Ask yourself is his son even slightly envious of the things your husband shares with you? Im sure the son doesnt feel that if you werent in the picture his dad would share more with him. You should feel proud that your husband is giving of himself and not a selfish, stingy person.
2007-01-21 09:14:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you buy something for your husband, it should be very special to your husband. I agree with you. It really has nothing to do with sharing. It has to do with your husband cherishing a gift from you. He obviously does not.
You are justified in feeling this way. I would not buy his a s s anything else.
2007-01-21 09:32:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not yours any more - yes, it's childish and petty - and sets a terrible example. once you give a gift, it's not yours any more. they can do with it however they want - even spray it on the dog.
the kid won't get his own, because he has his own supply... however it's not sharing when he takes and doesn't give back. so it's a poor example to show in either case.
2007-01-21 09:14:10 · answer #8 · answered by mike s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ditto to all of the answers so far.
Just would like to know, would it be such a problem if this were you biologiocal son? Want to see if there is a deeper issue here.
2007-01-21 09:18:10 · answer #9 · answered by Victor H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your gift to him was just that -- a gift. And as such, he can use it however he wants. Perhaps it makes him happy to be able to share it with his son, who means a lot to him.
Trying to tell someone how to use a gift that you have given them is ridiculous.
2007-01-21 09:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by wnk 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You gave it to your husband as a gift. It is his to do with as he wants. I do understand your feelings but is it really worth being upset over.
2007-01-21 09:24:26 · answer #11 · answered by sexyladyinak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋