Her mother told her she would not be able to afford the car she wanted.
Also...
To facilitate the creation of the ultimate cup of coffee, the user should refrain from the introduction of unfiltered tap water into the pot.
According to my college course, they are not, but I can't figure out how to change them for clarity. Any ideas? Thanks.
2007-01-21 08:40:56 · 6 answers · asked by Alicia 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
It is not clear in the first one who cannot afford the car. It could be changed to:
Her mother said, "I can't afford the car you want." or The mother said,"You cannot afford the car you want , daughter." or The mother said, "Daughter, I will not be able to afford the car I want."
To facilitate the creation of the ultimate cup of coffee, unfiltered tap water should not be introduced into the pot.
2007-01-21 08:53:41 · answer #1 · answered by whatever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too many pronouns in the first sentence. Should be something more like this: The girl's mother told her that she would not be able to afford to buy the car the daughter wanted. As the sentense was, it is also unclear who the car is for or who would not be able to afford it.
The second sentence sounds like a manual..lol. You should also TRY to refrain from beginning sentences with a prepositional phrase even though on occasion it seems better for writing things more creatively. Try something like this: When a person is attempting to make the best coffee possible they should refrain from using unfiltered tap water. Then go on to explain why in the next sentence. Too many words in a sentence makes the reader have to read it several times to make sense of it. I hope this helps.
2007-01-21 08:55:05 · answer #2 · answered by Steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her mother told her THAT she would not be able to afford the car she wanted.
To facilitate the creation of the ultimate cup of coffee, the user should refrain from INTRODUCING THE unfiltered tap water into the pot.
I think?????????
2007-01-21 08:57:12 · answer #3 · answered by penny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
told is past tense wanted is present tense all the verbs have to be same tense one of them has to be changed.
Her mother HAD told her that she would not be able to afford the car she wanted.
or
Her mother told her that she would not be able to afford the car she had wanted.
sentences cannot start with a preposition.
Refraining from the use of unfiltered water in the pot will facilitate the creation of the ultimate cup of coffee.
2007-01-21 09:05:20 · answer #4 · answered by ogopogo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first sentence does not clearly indicate who cannot afford the car - the girl or the mother. You could re-word it a number of ways.
In the second sentence, perhaps you could say "refrain from introducing".
2007-01-21 10:48:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hallo these are correct and i dont see any modifications required
2007-01-21 08:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by Kity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋