how do you get through deep emotional pain without anti-depressents? is there any mind therapy i can use?

Question

ive had a traumatic year going through emotional hell. i made alot of mistakes, and so did my husband. after a brief seperation we are together and it is great. but i am finding it very very hard to forgive myself for making mistakes and for letting myself down. torturing thoughts and feelings go through my mind andheart every single day. how could i let my marriage get to such a state. but i have learnt alot from all this and it has changed me so much. but not being able to forgive myself and thinking what if is making me very sad and makes me very upset all the time, it got to the point where i didnt want to be alive to keep feeling all these intense feelings.. is there any cognitive therapy i can use to help my mind get through this? i dont want to take anti-depressents, i want to get through it myself somehow? please help me? louise x

Answer 1

i find keeping busy and my mind active helps
ie to much spare time just gives you to much time to think
talking to a neutral friend might help?
dwelling on it will only make it worse

Answer 2

Sorry to hear you're in such an emotional state. Have you thought about seeking out private counseling to get you through? Sometimes just talking to another individual can help alot. You may not want them to say a thing, just be a sounding board and that's okay - we all need that from time to time.

Remember, forgiveness can take time and if you've made mistakes, or you both have, perhaps sitting down maybe once a week to make sure you are both on the same page and emotionally healing would be a good thing. Take time for yourselves, every relationship needs to continue to "date" all the time. Don't ever take what you have for granted, because when you do, that's when you just might lose it all.

I wish you much luck, relationships are alot of work and if you both don't work together on the same level and pace, it's difficult to maintain.

Answer 3

If you haven't tried counselling before, perhaps it might be worth a go. I think the regular appointments will give you something to focus on.

If you really don't want to do that, then maybe you could buy a book, or borrow from the library, on cognitive therapy but you sound pretty ill at the moment and I think you might need some outside help. It's difficult to sit and concentrate on a book!

Get some St John's Wort from the Health Food Shop - they are a natural remedy for depression and they don't take a fortnight to start working like anti-depressants (I found they helped me when I had a recent blip in my mental health and I keep going back to them now as I am desperate to avoid the anti depressants again!)

Oranges! Honestly! Eat oranges, and if you hate them - the smell of orange peel/zest gives you a bit of a boost!

Eat healthily - Go for the superfoods - blueberries, sesame seeds pineapple and all that. Loads of green veg!

Good luck, I hope you get better soon. You have made mistakes, but it is okay isn't it! So concentrate on not making more mistakes, and how fortunate you are compared to some! Good luck again. xxx

Answer 4

Everybody makes mistakes. If you really want to be with your husband then you do need to stop beating yourself up.

You and your husband need to make some new, good, memories together. If you can, take a vacation to someplace sunny (sun always helps to relieve depression).

If you can't get away then go out on dates with each other like you did when your relationship was new and untainted. Try something that you wouldn't normally do whether its a dinner theater or bowling. Something that will give you both something new to talk about--even if you both hate it you should be able to have a laugh over it.

Also, eat healthy foods. Skip the fried and fast foods and soft drinks. A good diet will do wonders to relieve depression.

Remember that what you are feeling now is normal for what you have been through. Make better choices today and tomorrow and you can avoid this kind of thing.

FYI St. John's Wort does have sexual side effects--in men at least it keeps what you want up down.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time Louise - and want to say Well Done on recognising your mistakes and making a go of things again with hubby.
We are all different and what works for some people doesn't for others. I have been through alot of trauma and facing deep emotional pain through the last few years and most of that without anti-depressants (although i did need them after a car accident left me traumatised).
From what you say, I think you could probably benefit enormously from some counselling. Cognitive therapy is great and works best when you find a counsellor you can trust.
I have had counselling and would recommend it.
What also has helped is talking things through with a priest who I have been seeing for just over 10 years. She knows me so well and accepts me - unconditional positive regard is the text book term - love is what I and many others would call it. My Christian faith is important to me - and you have mentioned forgiveness. Forgiveness is at the heart of the Christian faith. If you believe in God and believe that God has forgiven you then God can help you to forgive yourself. forgiving yourself can be more difficult than forgiving others (at least that's what I have found).
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I have found a combination of good secular counselling plus prayer and being helped by another person who shares my faith and who is skilled in helping others is what worked for me.
It is good that you want to face this by yourself - but sometimes we have to admit that we need help and accept that help in order to do what we want.
It's difficult because it means sharing with another person those innermost thoughts etc and being 'real' and honest with them - but that can make us be real and honest with ourselves.
Good luck and God bless

Answer 6

Hey Louise I'm sorry you've had such a rough year. I cant comment on cognitive therapy, but I also had a traumatic year with some real emotional rollercoasters. One thing that really helped when I was in the middle of it was making plans to treat myself a few weeks or months away, in my case that was just booking tickets for a few concerts with people i found uplifting like Scissor Sisters. I'm not saying don't try therapy but making any kind of plan to distract yourself on a fairly regular basis really might help.

Answer 7

I think this can take a bit of time, I know you just want to wake up and have it all gone. But just put these bad thoughts in the back of your head and chill out a bit, relax and let time do the healing, eventually you will start to feel better about things and you will stop punishing yourself. Like you say you have learnt alot from whatever has happened. I believe everything happens for a reason. And maybe later you will see what that reason is. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. And I agree, I wouldnt want to start relying on antidepressants either. If you dont feel better in the near future, then go get some councilling, they hopefully help you stop beating yourself up and feel more confident.

good luck x

Answer 8

Acceptance is a good place to begin......
Accept you are human
Accept that we all have frailities
Accept we all make mistakes
Accept that you are human and not perfect
Accept that you are your own worse critic
Accept that you will get better in thoughts and mind
Accept that you cannot change what has passed
Accepot the need to let it go
Accept one day at a time
Accept that there is no use planning for a long time ahead as life has a way of changing
Accept the here and now as living and enjoying the love of your husband and marriage
Accept that the past shapes us on how we deal with the present and leads us into the future
Accept yourself as a normal functioning and wonderful human being who has the courage and honesty to face up to your actions and shre those feelings with us all here.......
Stay blessed and accept that you are lovely and honest xx

Answer 9

Well, first of all you've obviously grown as a person and you should feel pride in the fact that you've recognised the problem and accepted responsibility.

The most important thing is to stop beating yourself up. If you keep thinking over the past mistakes, you'll lose self esteem and it will make your relationship difficult.

So make a promise to yourself now that the negative self talk will stop.

Tell yourself that it was the old you that made those mistakes. The new you has grown and is better than before.

Just mentally draw a line and see yourself as a new, better version. Stop the negative self talk and make a point of doing something every day that benefits your relationship and makes you feel positive in the fact that you've moved on.

Answer 10

you sound like a strong lady. It takes a certain type of person to admit they have made mistakes and to learn from them. stop torturing yourself. you need to make up for lost time and start enjoying your life. you deserve to as much as anyone else. it is however a lot easier to say than to do.

you need to change the way in which you process thoughts. this is a type of re-wiring of your brain. you can pay someone to help you do this or you can work through things yourself. the therapy you need is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

please don't spend your life regretting things. you have spent long enough feeling bad. now is the time to move on. what is the point in behaving badly and then feeling miserable afterwards. no-one else is punishing you so why punish yourself? Sounds like you've learned lessons the hard way and you're doing the right things now so good luck to you and I have much respect for people like yourself.

Answer 11

Anti depressant only prolong the issue and unless yu are on them for evermore one day you have to face the problem to solve it and move on. Your husband has forgiven you so be good to yourself and think of it as though your new life starts tomorrow morning. When thoughts of the past year enter your head. Think of all that you do have, loving husband, home etc. Go for a walk and remember some people dont get a second chance. You have but will lose it all if you dont pull yourself together. You must be a good kind person otherwise you wouldnt care so stop punishing yourself and live life.