This isn't the first time this has happened. We have an 8 year old together or else I would have left a long time ago. Should I just grin and bear it till my son is 18 or pack up and leave. I am financially able to do so. I love him but question how much he must love me to be searching for sex outside the home. He complains that he's not getting "it" enough from me but why would I want to give it up when I know that he hasn't been honest with me in most areas of our relationship. WHAT SHOULD I DO???? Am I just fooling myself in thinking he'll change? Am I just sticking my head in the sand? Do you think he's done more than just filled out a simple profile?
2007-01-21 08:21:15 · 31 answers · asked by Gina B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would make up a fake profile and answer his ad. If he answered make sure to give the impression that you are looking for sex on side. If he agrees print them off and confront him. Then get a lawyer
2007-01-21 08:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you been totally honest with him and let him know that you know everything, and that is one of the reasons why things might not be the same in that area as they were before? Do you think that "not getting enough" is really the only reason he is cheating, or there is more under the surface?
If you have already tried being totally honest and open about everything and it didn't work, it might be a good idea to see a relationship councelor. I know no one likes the idea that they need therapy, but I think one of the best things it does is gets people to talk and bring up things that they might not have otherwise. Or explain thing to the therapist so they understand where they are coming from, when they never talked about it with you becasue they thought you already understood the situation from their point of view.
If you really do love him and want to try to make it work I would try those options. But if he has already cheated on you before and he has begun looking again, i think you have to try and decide if you want to raise your son in an environment like that. I think that is very admirable that you would sacrifice your own happiness for the good of your son (your comment about how you would have left long ago but would stay till he's 18) but you have to decide based on how the discussions with your husband went if he is willing to try and make things work, and give your son a good environment to grow up in. If he has no intention on trying to make your marriage and family life better, then it might end up being a worse environment for your son, where he learns no respect for relationships and family life. If that is the case, then I would consider leaving.
No one answering your question here exactly knows the situation, so please don't be swayed to much by what people post here. I would try to talk things out with your husband and find out what his intentions are before making a decision.
2007-01-21 08:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by marydrew841 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this isnt the first time it happened then why continue to stick around. You are enabling it to happen by not saying nothing to him. You need to tell him how this makes you feel because at this point he is not respecting you or his marriage. If you can be independent without him then why stay and put up with this. Take your son and leave you still have a chance to be happy dont wait till ur son is 18 by then you wont have the courage to leave. God knows if he took this profile stuff to the next level. just like he is doing this behind your back, surprise him with DIVORCE PAPERS, lets see how he likes it. I wish u luck and as a women, a smart women u will make the right decision. Remember also u can let ur son think this is good behavior. ITS UNACCEPTABLE....
2007-01-21 08:32:01 · answer #3 · answered by gonzalezleon3022 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you guys could spice things up a bit or take more romantic breaks.
Us guys are sometimes a bit like kids we need a lot of attention but we are too proud to ask for it.
Don't get me wrong what he is doing is wrong but it could just be a cry for help or a fantasy thing. Most guys will fantasise about other women especially attractive ones cos we are brutes and physical attraction is a big thing to us.
It doesn't necessarily mean we will be unfaithful or even want too.
I don't think its grounds to consider separation if you try and spice it up and it doesnt change then maybe you should look at the other options.
2007-01-21 08:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by Bohdisatva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know alot of people who fill those profiles out for a joke.
If he after just the chase, he's not feeling her ,touching her maybe he justs wants contact.
You need to talk about this in a non angry way ask him why this is happening ? How offen does he expect sex in your relationship? Why is it he feels he needs to look somewhere else? and above all how much he loves you? when you have the answers you can assess where you go from there.
If you want to stay go back to basics reintroduce your selves to each other and get back the magic you had to get married in the first place.
good luck
2007-01-21 08:28:24 · answer #5 · answered by aime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a child of a father who was a chronic cheater and a mother who stayed "for the kids", I would highly discourage staying for your child's sake. In my experience, I picked up on my parents loveless marriage, my mother's unhappiness, and my father's unfaithful ways. I often prayed that my parents would divorce, just so that my mom would be happy and that I would be away from my dad. Trust me, if your son doesn't know now, he will find out about your husband. And, if he is protective of you, like most son's are, he is going to resent your husband. Honestly, I can't tell you what to do, you have to make the best decision for YOURSELF. But, know that marriage is supposed to be a 2 way street of respect, honesty, and fidelty. You deserve all of this things in life and should not settle for less. You can do bad by yourself! Oh and by the way, will he change? He could, but I am 31 years old and my father is STILL running the streets with other woman and my mom deals with it. I believe she missed out on living her best life. Don't make the same mistake. Also, think about your son - My brother's all act like my father and treat woman badly and have lots of issues with my dad.
2007-01-21 08:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by TwinkaTee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bought this book " the proper care and feeding of husbands" and I was surprise how right on the author was. It is a book that everyone in my office has fought for to read. over 25 people have read it there. I could put it down. I have studied psychology for a very long time and if I didn't think this book would help I would have never mentioned it to you.
2007-01-21 08:32:35 · answer #7 · answered by cowboybronco01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be blunt and tell you straight out, there is this website called adult friend frinder and I found my husband on there about 4 years ago looking at male genetalia and pornographic profiles. Um, I had no idea he was doing this until I got on his computer and found it. Idiot thought he deleted it. I am a software major and I know how to find stuff on computers. Moron! If he is doing this, he may be looking for someone of the same sex online. Girl if you just seen all the married men on this website looking for same sex "sex".
If he is going on a website to post his profile, try and check it out and see what he is looking for. It might not me you, it may be a male he wants. I thought mine wanted another woman, but um no, to my surprise it was a male and he had put his penis on profile for other guys to look at.
Men, you know all of you are so stupid and always dump the one thing that loves and cares about you, other than your precious mommies.
2007-01-21 08:27:50 · answer #8 · answered by Jinglenut with bananas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your 8 year old have todo with your CHOICE of staying in a miserable marriage, unless you are trying to make the 8 year old take the blame for it? Stop making excuses for your own lack of conviction and either own up to the fact that you don't WANT to leave or leave. Your child should not have to grow up being the reason the parents remained in a lousy marriage and become resented for that fact and resent the parents for putthing the child in that position to begin with. YOU have a choice...MAKE it on your own.
2007-01-21 10:14:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is seeing what is out there, he may not have cheated on you yet, but if he is on an online service, he will. You have to decide if you are going to tolerate this or not, if it isn't the first time it's happened, then it's probably not going to be the last. Good luck. If honesty is what you are looking for, well, I think you answered the question yourself. Your husband is an inconsiderate prick and you have to stop allowing him to mistreat you.
2007-01-21 08:38:57 · answer #10 · answered by some1invegas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋