How do you deal with someone who comes off as hostile and doesn't see it in himself?

Question

We work closely with a driven perfectionist who, when upset, becomes hard to communicate with. He acts hostile, defensive and eventually becomes unreasonable. He says that people are overlooking him or taking advantage of him or slighting him in some way. If there truly is a misunderstanding and we make amends, he holds a grudge anyway. We have gently tried to point out that things aren't how he thinks they are, but it gets him madder. He insists he's right and refuses to see another point of view. We think it could be a profitable partnership, considering his considerable skills, but he doesn't see how his attitude makes us want to throw in the towel. It feels like we're beating our heads against a brick wall. When he's not mad/defensive/etc, he's actually a cheerful guy with a good sense of humor. Any advice?

We have tried to talk to him, but he just doesn't hear it.

Answer 1

Ummm, where are you? You wouldn't happen to be talking about my husband, would you?

My husband is the same way and I have just gotten to the point that I need to step back. Wait a few minutes and then approach him and let him know that how he just acted wasn't totally fair and that my opinion counts just as much as his. Let's look at this a different way.

Answer 2

you could always record him on tape or video and have him listen to it in comparison to educational documentation of the same personality and aspects....

just a thought.

sometimes people have to "see it" to believe "it"

- manda

Answer 3

ignore him