My wife started to accuse me of being manipulated by mom and sis 2 years ago (6 months into marriage) but can’t explain specifics. Things got worst when she started to share this with her mom. This conversations went on every day with her mom and has been encouraged to rebel against me.
Her mom went to my parents complaining about the so called 'hardships'. She abused my parents also during conversation which worsened the relationship between me and my wife. Even after initial quarrels my wife continued with this attitude. She abuses me verbally all the time but never owns up her mistakes and instead accuses me for all. She hates reference to my past/family upbringing and seriously hurt my feeling.
I offered her that we wud go to marriage counselors but she refused. I feel a break from each other will help bubut again she’s not ready to do that since we come from an Indian family where the social pressure is huge. I hate to be living in hell daily. Pl help me with this situation.
2007-01-21 07:58:47 · 8 answers · asked by Yet another hubbie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You seem to be very concerned about what she wants, but she does not do you the same favor. A marriage is an equal partnership, and she is not meeting you halfway. She sounds as if she is not ready to be married, as she still relies much more on her mother than on her husband. Her mother should not be making decisions about your marriage, and she was completely out of bounds going to your parents to air her complaints. She needs to mind her own business and allow her daughter to deal with her own marital issues (and her daughter needs to grow up enough to stop running to mom to solve her problems). I agree with the first post. Get counseling on your own if she will not go with you. It sounds as if you are the one that is expected to make all the changes and compromises, and this is not the basis for a successful marriage. Individual counseling will help you to take a constuctive look at your marriage and to discover new ways to deal with these issues. Remeber, you can not change other people, but you can change your situation. Good luck.
2007-01-21 08:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Often people do not understand the role that others' should play in their lives. Should your wife go to her mother and talk about your marital hardships? Well, you might be offended that she did, but what are you doing with us? A mother can be a great support. Have another conversation with your wife about talking to her mother about her hardships with you, but this time be more flexible, and understanding.
This goes with any other issue. My wife has an anger problem. I could go on and on about her errors and make her look like a demon. But if I did that, I would be overlooking my anxiety problem, which magnifies her anger problem. If you make it to marriage counseling, hopefully you take in the attitude that in every relationship, both partners have their faults. Otherwise, the counseling will be a waste of money.
As with the others, I would recommend you see a counselor on your own. Get advice on how to better treat your wife. Try your best to overcome your faults. Hopefully this will inspire her to overcome her own.
Have you mentioned to your wife that you think a break from each other would help. Does she know how serious this is? If she doesn't, then how do you expecter to react accordingly? Consider telling her how you feel. I assume you love her at some level. It would be wise to tell her how you feel in the form of a sandwich: positive, negative, positive. For example (short version): Honey, I love you very much. I love ___ (list some qualities that make you love her). I need to tell you something very important. I'm beginning to have some doubts about this marriage. I'm beginning to become very unhappy in life. However, I am willing to work hard to overcome these problems. And if you are willing to do the same, I think that happiness will come again. (At this point, it may be a good idea to repeat your request for marriage counseling).
2007-01-21 17:40:08 · answer #2 · answered by t78t78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the worst thing that can happen to a married man,is when he cant find peace on his pillow.its only in u peoples hand to plan how u want that marriage to be unless u are tired of it.pls as it now,both mothers should keep off from ur home even sisters if possible.you and your is best counsellor for urselves now.that understanding is needed.pls u people should go back to he first love.find out things that is making her unhappy that she felt u dont do again thinking that u seek advises from ur family.remember,ur mom has her own home and should not run ur home for u.the best solution to this problem is to seek ur wife's idea no mather how bad,it can be ammended but first accepted.if u allow both ur mom and her to scarter this home for u,remember,u will suffer it.its not going to be how long but how far.marriage is honoured,any man that finds a wife found a good thing and dont let anybody paint it black for u even ur wife.pls find out her prolem first.i plead that this problem should solved once and 4 all.i wish u goodluck
2007-01-21 16:44:42 · answer #3 · answered by princessadaku 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude,
Your wife has some SERIOUS RESPECT issues with YOU.. ( Like she doesn’t have any respect for you at all !!) Your self-esteem is taking a real beating !! You wife is a )(*&^&&
for treating you this way.. AND,, the mother in law is triple whatever your wife is !! Sure feel sorry for your Father in-law !!!
GO GET COUNSELING NOW !!! Get some help and if that doesn’t work. GET OUT-RUN LIKE THE WIND !!! Life is way too short to put up with a scurvy old wench like that!!
!!!!!!! Stuff the Religion !!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t think there’s any GOD in ANY RELIGION who says your wife’s behavior is ok and You’re supposed to suffer through life because of it !!!!!!!!
If that’s Religion,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I’ll be an Atheist !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-21 16:27:55 · answer #4 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you may have Indian in you but doesn't mean you have to stand by and be abused by your wife. In alot of cultures it's not acceptable to divorce or seperate....but In this lifetime we live in...It's not acceptable to put up with living in Hell everyday. I would seek a lawyer for advice if you're wife refuses to go to counselling to work through all of this.......YOu've done nothing wrong and still have a whole life ahead of you* Would you rather live in hell and have things get so unbearable that you end up hating yourself.....or would you rather LIVE LIFE HAPPY* and not have to deal with all this "social pressures" every single day. Do you remember what it's like to be "Happy*"? I bet not*~!
So like i said....seek counselling yourself or seek a lawyer and file for the divorce..........NO ONE DESERVES to be Treated like a piece of garbage*~
2007-01-21 16:16:01 · answer #5 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I find it interesting when a spouse won't go to therapy...it usually means that they know that they are wrong but they don't want to be told by a professional. You should go alone for the therapy and see what happens...
I am sorry that you have to go through this pain and I wish you all the best my friend:))
2007-01-21 16:15:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that she hates you, something is bothering her, forgive her and pray that God will change her heart....God bless ya
2007-01-21 16:19:46 · answer #7 · answered by Bert 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should get counselling, even if she won't.
2007-01-21 16:04:30 · answer #8 · answered by S K 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋