How can I get through this?

Question

My wife cheated on me and we've been married a year. It's karma. My ex-wife was the most faithful person in the world. She would never have done this to me, but I did this to her. After being unfaithful many times, I left her for my current wife. I thought I had just never found love and now I had. I lived with her for four years and then we got married. I never suspected a thing. I let her do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. I was such a smug axxhole. We had no problems (well, you know stupid stuff) and then I found out. It was three days before XMas. She was upstairs wrapping XMAS presents and her phone was downstairs. I had sent her a picture of myself earlierand just wanted to look at it on the phone. Someone had left her a message about two nights ago and how they needed to do it again soon. I confronted her and found out about a 6 month affair. Someone please ask me if I want to die. To my ex, I am truly sorry. To my current, I want it to work out.

Answer 1

First off, I think the fact you regret your actions with your 1st wife is good. As a woman, I can tell you, it would mean a lot to her if you wrote that you're sorry in a letter. It really helps people heal a lot quicker if the person that hurt us shows remorse about it.

As far as your current wife, counselling and some deep, honest discussions are the only thing that will get you two through this.

Answer 2

Wow, you are right about the karma thing. I have heard that when people meet through unfaithfulness that it would happen to them. There is a reason she had an affair and there was a reason you came into the marriage through an affair. If she is willing and you are wanting to work this out, you really really need to open up emotionally and find out what is going on.

You sent her a picture of yourself? Well I am here to tell you, that if you think that women are visually stimulated like you guys are, think again. In fact, if you think that you are that great, she wouldn't. Women would see that as selfish, at least most would. Most women would cheat when they are not emotionally satisified and if you aren't meeting that need, then you need to work on that. And, she will be able to tell if your for real or just doing it because you are losing her. Tell her how much you desire her, love her and cherish her and SHOW her in the ways that you didn't before but very subtle ways. BUT, also do this AFTER you have a heart to heart talk about why your relationship is where it is.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Can you get through this? Do you think the marriage is woth saving? You are obviously sorry for leaving your first wife and you know that reminds me of an old adage which goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side." You found out that it is not true now didn't you? People sometimes change when marriage is involved even though a few years exist in between. Since she has had or is having an affair and it is ongoing for at least 6 months, I wonder if you have considered if there are any other affairs that she may be involved with? You think she is being completely honest with you now? Is this affair over? Usually where there is one affair there have been or may be more than one. If you want it to work out and you let her know do you think she wants it to work out between the two of you or do you think she is just pulling your chain? If I were you I would keep an eye on her and see what develops then consider your next actions.

Answer 4

1st did your wife buy the B.S. about the picture you sent to her phone? (Whatever). You were checking her phone trying to find something and.....

You can get through this but there are several factors involved:

1) Does your wife want to be with you or the other guy?
2) Obviously you want this to work or you would not have this question.
3) How can you build trust again? Catching her cheating along with the fact that you were a cheat has severely damaged your trust. You are going to think she up to something every time she's not with you. Cheaters create ideas that someone is doing the same thing to them because that's how they operate.

I see you feel very guilty about the way you treated your ex. You need to first FORGIVE YOURSELF for the way you treated someone who, in your words, did not deserve to be treated that way. You will have to get over the guilt or you will think that your current situation will always punish you for what you did in the past. Next, speak with your ex and be genuinely sorry for what you did. It's up to her to accept so don't expect anything from her.

You know the thing about heartache is that smart people learn from it. It gives you the tools to be better the next time.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Karma always finds a way to bite you when you are not looking. You can't change the past, so not much you can do about your ex. Your current wife, if she is still having the affair, then she has to make the choice, that guy or you. If she chooses you, go into martial consoling. If she chooses the other guy, file for a divorce and get yourself some professional help. You need to forgive yourself about your ex, and you need to let go of this toxic relationship if there is no solution.

Answer 6

Wow, now I guess you know how it feels. Maybe by writing an apology letter to your ex, you would feel better, even if just a little. It's too bad your current wife has done this. If it's been going on for 6 months I would ask her if she has interest in trying to work things out with you and ending it now with this other guy!

You should be able to trust your wife and let her do things, if you can't then maybe your better off ending it. Talk to her and see couple's counseling, but don't force it on her. If she doesn't want to bother with it, then move on. Good luck, I hope it all works out. Make the right decision, not the easiest one.

Answer 7

My man you really should have saw this coming. What did you think she was doing while you where with your wife. Look if your cheating on your wife with someone, You don't leave your wife for them. You leave them before your wife find out. You will find this going on a lot in Japan. A lot of the Japanese women like men who are married, But not if they have children. Because they think that they have respect for the children by sleeping with men who do not have children, But are married. I am sorry to tell you, But that other guy is not the only one. So get out while you can. And learn from this. By being a good guy to the next woman who comes into your life.

Answer 8

It is like you said you reap what you sow. Think about it if she got you when she knew you were married, then why would she respect marriage period? So if you decide to forgive then get counseling and make sure you really and truly can get past that. Because now you are going to be really suspicious about everything she does whether she is telling the truth or not. This sould lead to a long headache. You should be able to trust your wife anywhere not having to worry about anything. That is the life you deserve even though you have messed up in the past as well. Stay blessed!

Answer 9

Now you know how your ex wife felt....Will you ever be able to trust this wife again? I think not!
Will you get over it? Yes, you will...It takes time, it is especially hard when your pride has been so injured. Not one person out here can do the job for you...go to your friends and get positive reinforcement from them. Most of all don't BEG!
You will regret that if you and the wife get back together.........and her vision of you will always be ,
You wrapped around her little finger always grinning to herself , and thinking " I am the winner".
It sounds cruel but it is a fact of life. that is how people are.
God Bless you!

P.S. Go to your first wife now and tell her you are sorry.

Answer 10

Don't be silly saying you want to die* Yes it is Karma* What goes around comes around*
You can either "forgive" your current wife and move past this IF she's wanting to stay in the marriage. Is the affair still ongoing??

And yes....to your ex wife..who went through hell finding out bout your affair and would never dream of sleeping with another man...you just threw her away. did you ever ask yourself...why? you felt you needed to "cheat" on your ex wife in the first place??

Goodluck....but no one is worth Dying over* Life is too short..yes you are hurting bigtime inside right now...but you have to come to terms with that* You did it...and now you know how your ex wife felt*
GOODLUCK with everything*