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My wife after 10 years of marriage and 12 years together said she needed a break. No warning or signs that this was coming. I was shocked to hear she was unhappy with me. I tried counseling but she was ambivolent to participating. I apologized frequently, sent flowers, doing much more than I had done before. I did not remark when she wanted to go out, stayed out late and spent large amounts of money. I was devistated but figured she just needed time to herself.

Her attitude towards me did not improve, floods of negative criticism poured out in the few counseling apts she attended. It was as if she was determined to end things and she grew angrier towards me each day that passed.

After a year of separation I discovered she was having an affair with her boss. To add insult to injury, she wrote several checks in my name, got me sent to collections and got herself a boob job. I always get asked what I did to cause the marriage to end and it's assumed she must be raising the kids. y?

2007-01-21 07:43:19 · 6 answers · asked by pmd 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

6 answers

Almost everything you wrote in the first two paragraphs describe what happened to me also.We were married for 16 years,had two girls,life was good one day and then all of a sudden it wasn't.Didn't know what caused the sudden change until she told me she was seeing someone.I tried to work things out with her but she wouldn't have it.My kids wanted to stay with me and I was grateful for that(ages 12 and 14 at the time).I have looked back many times trying to figure out if there was something lacking that would have made her cheat.We were close,always talked and did things together,enjoyed vacations,didn't have money problems and the sex was good and plentiful.Never did figure it out.When she finally left I was in bad financial shape cause she took most of the money in the bank,left me with all the bills and her car was 3 months behind on payments.I almost lost everything trying to keep my credit up.I had to sell alot of things way under cost just to get it out of my name.Many people assumed that the kids would stay with her but everyone was surprised when they learned that they stayed with me and didn't want to have anything to do with her.I'm proud of my daughters and I'm proud they have grown up with me.

2007-01-21 09:23:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

MOST of the time that is true but NOT all of the time. Sorry your wife was playing you like a violin and really screwed you over with collections etc. It's unfortunate how ppl assume things about other ppl* There are Good Men out there that Do Love their wives and children (family life)...but alot of the time it's the husband that is fooling around on the side , Not sure why your wife felt the need to do that .....it may have nothing to do with you..may just be something SHE needed to do for no reason other than her own selfish needs/wants.

Even tho this will not ease the pain you're going through, the hurt, disappointment..torment etc.....Time does heal* YOU will find someone that will LOVE you for you and your ex wife will be sorry in the end as she'll be left standing "alone". It wont' go anywhere with her "boss" let alone anyone else*

GoodLuck and Keep on Smilin*
You're much better than she is*

2007-01-21 07:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0 0

I think only people who have their gender-biased heads in the sand would think that. Maybe a few decades ago more men cheated on their wives than the other way around, but that certainly isn't the case anymore. First of all, I think it is rude for anyone to ask a divorced (or separated) person that question (What did you do to cause the marriage to end?), and it shows that they lack social manners to say the least. Secondly, I would suggest you not let this class of people get to you or let them or your ex-wife embitter you against society in general and women in particular. The most positive thing you can do at this point is prove them wrong. If you have had a "brow-beaten" look about you, that could be misread as "guilt" by some people and thus invite questions of that nature. You have nothing to be ashamed of so look people in the eye, if the subject comes up, in as few words as possible state your position, and then walk away with your head high.

2007-01-21 09:21:20 · answer #3 · answered by arcticsunshine 2 · 0 0

I am so sorry!!! It clearly takes two to make a marriage also two to make it fail. I think that men don't realize it is going bad until it has been going bad for a long time and the women are already emotionally checked out.

Your right about people assuming it is the men who end the marriage and that is probably because of men having affairs and then the women wanting a divorce. The children need to go to the most loving and fit parent, that isn't always the mother but in most situations it is because the father doesn't want the responsibility.

If people are asking you what you did, they are really being intrusive. Needless to say, it is unfortunate that your wife is chosing the path that she is but I would think you need to file those divorce papers, pronto!

2007-01-21 07:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I don't know of any feminists that assume men will be unfaithful to them in marriage, or not in marriage. I do hear non-feminists worry about it though. Just how many feminists do you know in real life that have confided in you their fears about their marriage or relationship? I have a feeling it's none. I have married and didn't worry about unfaithfulness at all; and it's not just women that can use sex as a way to control their partner hon. If you think the men on YA represents anything, I've got some land I can sell you in Florida hon. If you're going to try that old "highly sexed" crud as an excuse for unfaithfulness, maybe some women are cheating because they aren't getting enough or getting quality sex either. Goes both ways.

2016-05-24 07:16:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

God Bless You for trying to right something you believed In... your marriage. I have seen similar cases too numerous to count. I have seen many men wrongly accused of responsibility for breaking up families. At times it seems we as people cannot see that women too are are guilty in a relationship breack-ups. And today because of women's Lib there seem to be more and more cases gaining attention especially in the entertainment industry. I say just take a deep breath, collect your emotions and collect the pieces of your life make peace with yourself and carve out a loving peace of life for you and your children with no considerations whatsoever for her needs.

2007-01-21 07:49:28 · answer #6 · answered by oldtimer 4 · 0 0

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