I have always worked and supported myself. I married a man who was studying at univeristy and seemed to have a promising future. After graduate school, however, he never was able to get or hold a real job. 15 years and two children later, I find myself the sole breadwinner. I belive in commitment and do not want to separate my children from their father, but I have lost respect for this man who seems to not feel the need to contribute to the support of our family. What should I do?
2007-01-21 07:42:42 · 4 answers · asked by Scooter 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is wholly dependent upon the agreement between the two of you. Things change dependent on circumstances. In my case, when we first got married, I made a lot more money than my husband. After two years, I had a baby, fully intended to go back to work, but ended up loving being a SAHM. So we have scrimped and had hard times on his wages, he hasn't really worked anywhere long-term, but with urging, he would always get another job.
After this long of you dealing with it, you know the answer. I don't think you got what you "wanted", but then the two of you obviously didn't have things clear between you before you got married - regarding expectations, etc. If you have not been able to motivate him in this long, there is more at stake than just his not working. You have either enabled him, liked the power you held over him, or something.... Has he been depressed? Maybe he didn't get the job of his dreams, but most men would settle to just be working in today's economy.
This is no reason to leave the marriage, but the two of you sure could use some professional counselling.
2007-01-21 08:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK so you make more money that shouldn't be the issue, but if he doesn't condribute anything than thats where the problem is. What ever a real job means to you i don't know but if he helps with the bills and pitches in it shouldn't matter. If he stays at home well how many woman stay home, as long as he cooks and cleans if he does stay at home. If he got a job making less money it shouldn't matter as long as he's helping with the bills. If you can get him to atleast pay half the rent that would be the goal you two should be pushing for and would be I think a reasonable goal. Get him off the coach if he's lazy and staying at home, I don't think its cool for woman to sit at home for to long either even if she does have kids its lazyness, so hopefully he can get a job or you gotta put your foot down. Its not about man or womans obligations its if they are both working to make things work.
2007-01-21 15:59:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you need to look at it differently. I am a stay at home mother. I contribute nothing to our household financially, but I contribute in other ways. I run the house basically. If he is keeping up the house and taking care of the kids, I see nothing wrong as long as you are able to make it on your salary comfortably. Women want equality in the work place, and I think a lot of men deserve to have in the home too.
However, if he's doing nothing around the house and is more of a tumor than a help, tell him to shape up or get out.
2007-01-21 16:20:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since I use the Bible as my source for truth, I must say that it is his obligation to work and support the family. I am not saying that I am opposed to a 2-paycheck family, but he should be doing more than he is.
2007-01-21 17:30:40 · answer #4 · answered by Bob T 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋