Would you stop by your husbands work if.....?

Question

My hubby had an affair with a coworker. The affair is over and we are trying to fix it. He dont have to work with her everyday, just one Sat. a month. A part of me wants to stop by, unannounced, for lunch or whatever. But the part of me that dont is cuz I'm afraid I will look like a damn fool. All of his coworkers knew about him and her and what he was doing behind my back, and covered for him and basically allowed it and supported it. (he only has to work these coworkers one sat a month, too, he has a few different offices for his job) Its almost like I am embarrassed to even acknowledge that I am still married to him when it comes to those coworkers. I wonder if they see us together that they will be thinking what a damn stupid fool I am. Some people would say it would be the perfect revenge on her to see us happy and overcoming this, but i think that would apply, only IF she wanted him and lost him to me. That is not the case. She never wanted to separate us...

She always knew it was just sex and knew he was going home to his wife and kids when he was done with her. So, should I stay away from his work, or should I stop by. I have absolutely no worries that he is still with her. I am 110% positive that they are done and am even quite confident that they both hold a little resentment towards each other. But, i'd like to stop by to make sure he isnt even engaging in small talk with her, cuz hes like that, just too nice to ignore someone and i have specifically told him that ignoring her is what i demand. Any ideas or advice on this one?

Answer 1

This will be an unpopular answer, but I say yes. Your husband violated his vows and your trust. I look at it differently, though. You have a right to reassert yourself and to show his co-workers that you are not beaten by this.

I'd work it this way, show up (with a nice lunch) and look GOOD. Not "desperate" hot, but looking effortless hot. It's a fine line, but doable. Have a nice lunch and leave. Not like you're doing surveillance, but like the affair never happened. Hold your head up high. If nothing else you will get some begrudging respect for your class.

Also, this will demonstrate to your husband that you're willing to forgive. His co-workers (co-conspirators) will see what your husband is came very close to losing and maybe not cover for him if this affair or another flairs up.

Good luck. Sounds like you're a woman of substance.

Answer 2

Really.... stop caring about what other people think. You and your husband are the only two that matter. If you want to call before going or just surprise him, it matters not if you want to be with him during lunch. You are not the fool if you love your husband. So many marriages end prematurely, if you are in it for the long run, you've done the right thing. It's gonna take time to get past this or you may never do, but At Least YOU didn't Just quit. Follow your heart, if you wanna go ...just go.

Answer 3

Kinda going through the same thing now only did not get that far. And my husband works with her EVERYDAY. The best thing I can tell you is that if you want it to work you have to move on. It is really hard but if you keep arguing about that situation you will never be able to fix it. The trust thing is something else if you have figured that out let me know!!! This lady my husband was seeing tried to kiss him twice and she is married herself with 3 kids-she didn't really want him. He is just a good guy and her husband isn't. Men are idiots-they don't see what women are trying to do to them. I feel the same way about going to my husband's work but I will tell you the samething that I was told by a good friend-He is the FOOL. He risked his whole marriage on some women and we have nothing to be ashamed of we did nothing wrong. I hope all works out.

Answer 4

u said 'had an affair and u pple are living happily...?my dear,i am happy u knew about that relationship,yet u made up ur mind to marry him as ur husband till date.marriage is about you and ur husband.never consider pples feeling unless u are not faithful to that marriage.hei,for christ sake sake,marriage is by choice.unless u know the woman b4 now as a friend and u betrayed him knowing fully well she is not happy with u,better appologise to her .if not,u owe her nothing.u should rejoice over ur marriage ,anywhere,anyhow,anytime any day.it is a diff stage in life that every woman need for a change.u dont need to monitor ur husband talkmore of going to his office.he is urs.u going there should be on invitation.dont look stupid going there if need be cos he is ur property.just know that will talk whether its good or bad.always make him happy.welcome him whenever he comes back from work,and think like every other women but be urself.be wise.and if u are a believe always pray for God to protect him and keep ur love firm .no woman will take him away from u.BE URSELF COS SOME MOVEMENTS CAN TAKE UR MARRIAGE FROM YOU IN A SECOND.MARRY HIM AS UR HUSBAND AND STOP COUNTING ON THE PAST.

Answer 5

If you are truly passed it then you stopping by should have nothing to do with what you think people are saying. It should be because hell you choose to have lunch with your husband; damn everyone else. Nine times out of ten, i guarantee everyone in there who called you stupid done been stupid at one point or another. The only difference is they know about yours so who cares. That makes you the bigger woman cause you know they know and still choose to show your face. I would be like "yeah im here and what?" but that is just me so do what works best with your personality. Stay blessed!!

Answer 6

You have every right to go to his work..dont be embarrased you are his wife..that is what they want you to be dont show them that it is hurting you show them that you and your hubby are trying to work things out and be a happy loving family and that there is NOTHING that they can do to stop you and your hubby and kids from being happy.

If that stupid coworker knew that he had a family then if i seen her out in public i would tackle her and beat her head to the ground lol..but you never know what you husband could of been telling her at the same time.

You have every right in the world to go to his work walk right in there and give him the BIGGEST LONGEST KISS right in front of all his coworkers and when you leave look at them and say by ladies and have a hugh smile on your face..

Hehe i bet that would eat them up lol..I wiah you the best luck and hope that you and your husand can work everything out and be happy..and i hope that you will be able to trust him again..Regina

Answer 7

If you area confident he is not cheating with her anymore then don't go and stop like you said it will make you look insecure.But on the other hand run the idea by your husband and tell him hey look I might stop some saturday and bring you lunch just don't tell him when you are going to do it and if he gets real defensive about it well I would start to wonder.But by all means do not go there and make a fool of yourself because people like her thrive on things like that.Good Luck

Answer 8

The part of you that wants to go is the subconscious part of your that has reservations about their communications. You also seem to have some feelings of shame around the situation and the co-workers so it may not be in your best interest to expose yourself to them until you are at a place that you can stand in the face of adversity and not flinch emotionally or compromise who you are as a woman as a result of a negative environment. I would not go at this time.

Answer 9

Think about your reasons for wanting to stay with this man... Is it simply to get revenge on her? If I were you, and you really want to move past this with your husband for the right reasons I would talk to him about how you feel about him working with her. I would tell him that you are not sure you can move past it as long as she is in the picture. Under the circumstances it is not a lot to ask for him to start looknig for another job so you can get a "fresh" start. You should also talk to him about seeing a marriage counselor... Good luck!

Answer 10

I would careless what his co-workers or what she would think about me coming by. He is the one who did what he did. Not you, so you have nothing to feel ashamed of. I would stop by when I wanted to and not worry about anyone else. Sounds like you do have some trust issues with him, which is understandable. Work on that too. It takes time to get that back. Good luck :)