My husband and I have been married for 11 years. In those 11 years, there has always been doubt, frustration, anger, upset, and most of all confusion.
We have never cheated on one another, nor would we. I believe we both trust each other 100 percent.
He is in the military and has been since the day we married. Its a hard road but I am no stranger to the military way of life as I've managed to grow up in it.
To make a long story short, the older I am getting I am realizing there is more to life than what I am experiencing. I am lonley, frustrated, angry and depressed most of the time. My husband doesnt seem to show any concern for these feelings as he thinks its "the same story, differnt day".
I have always questioned whether I should leave because, although he says he loves me, I dont "feel" it anymore. He doesnt do much to show it nor does he seem to care about anyone else than himself.
He's also started to get angry about little things within the house which has caused more havoc. He is always yelling about something but then, once I react, he wants it to be water under the bridge and for me to be happy and fine. I just dont operate that way.
I have shared my doubts and feelings with a close family member and also with a couple close friends. They have never officially told me what to do but have known I've been unhappy for a long long time. I just dont know what to do.
Am I just in a rutt? Am I just going through a phase? What is it? Either way, he makes promises to go to the counslor and never does-he always has a reason he cant. But here I am in counseling and on meds and miserable. What's next? I need honest answers and an honest assessment as I have moved into the guestroom and plan to go to the Staff Judge Advocate in the morning to initiate the separation process. HELP!!!!
2007-01-21 06:52:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me as if you are both stuck in a BIG RUTT. You both need to sit down and talk and make some plans, as this marriage shouldn't end on such a frivolous note.
Military wives have a difficult time with us old crusty military men, true we seem insensitive most of the time, and brush off stuff as if it was "water under the bridge".
My wife and i had numerous problems during our 34 years of military life. I don't know how she managed to put up with me cause i'm such an onery old coot.
Give it some more time, talk to hubby and tell him you are ready to file for divorce if he doesn't get into counseling with you and atleast try. If he won't do this, then maybe a separation is in order. But certainly not a rush to divorce.
2007-01-21 07:10:53 · answer #1 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I think they teach the men in the military (and possible the women...don't know about them) how to just shut down. What is going on with him at work? Has he recently been deployed or getting ready to? My husband was deployed to Bosnia for a year, after his return he got a job with a private contractor to work in Iraq....he did the same thing. I have to believe it is a way to protect themselves from what ever they are going through. However, we as the wives need to take care of ourselves. Try to do your "own thing"...work, schooling, church. I have gotten back into all 3 of these areas as well as raising our teenage daughter alone. Don't let the house hold issues such as cleaning, cooking and so forth get to you.....it is not going anywhere. Try to do something for you that makes you happy. He will either come around or loose. Try talking to your base minister...they are sometimes better to talk to than a counselor that will give you pills and tell you it is all going to be OK.
I will keep you in my prayer and wish you the best. Just know...you have to take care of you first before him.
I have noticed sever people tell you to find someone who understands....I teach my daughter even though I love her dad, you do NOT need a man to make you a person and you can do anything you want standing on your own.
2007-01-21 07:07:54 · answer #2 · answered by mixedupwife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, well, you just described my life except that I have been married for 37 years. So since I have been enduring the same thing I am probably not the right person to offer any advice except to say you are not alone. I too, am wondering what to do. Do I stay or do I go?? There must be more to life then what I am experiencing. I am trying to get my ducks in a row as many people have advised me to do. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-21 07:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by I love winter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The people did have a large role to play in it, but my personal issues are more far reaching than the sheep. I had, and still do, a hard time accepting how any loving deity can allow such horrible things to occur in this world, without doing anything about it. I don't like how people will be on hands and knees begging and crying out to god for help in their darkest of hours, and you get nothing in return. I don't like how people will follow god for years without any question, but when you want some sign to prove to your own self that you aren't crazy - there are no signs. That is when I realized that there is no way there is any such god of peace and love. Such a god would be there for you when you ask and need it. If there is a god, it is uncaring and unsympathetic to the needs and wants of it's own creations.
2016-03-29 07:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is almost a mirror image of my story a few years ago. I was married for 17 years to a person who was AF and the story is the same. I finally had enough and ended it. I did get counseling and was on meds for a while, during the marriage. He never thought it was his problem. I was the one who had issues. He was very passive aggressive. I will not tell you what to do, you have to decide for yourself. I got out and I am now married to a wonderful guy. Good luck to you.
2007-01-21 07:03:43 · answer #5 · answered by Markie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person that knows if this is the last straw, is you. You need to start to find your own happiness. It isn't up to him. If being happy means being without him, then get on with it. Friends and family won't say much until you start to make the move on your own. Go see the judge, and make the first move. After that, make some plans for yourself. Then - get busy. Move. Get a social life. Find some happiness. Life is too short to waste it.
2007-01-21 07:03:40 · answer #6 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only lasted in that type of situation for 3 years. I thought we were in love, but neither of us could seem to change to make each other happy. When I left, I met the most wonderful man and NOW I really know what love is. You just need to decide if you both are willing to work really hard to make it work or if it is too far gone.
2007-01-21 07:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by kxf23us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you are feeling. Life is too short to be miserable. Maybe you should try a trial separation and go from there. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. See if it is true before you file for divorce. Also try talking to your hubby one last time. Good luck!
2007-01-21 11:48:20 · answer #8 · answered by chemky1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have tried a long time and you have asked him to try too.
Sadly, things are just not working out - I'm sorry for the heartache you both have and will endure. Sometimes things have to change for the better. Best wishes as you deal with this decision.
2007-01-21 07:13:34 · answer #9 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It sounds like the last straw to me. You're doing everything to try and fix the relationship and it seems that he's just blaming you for it. I sadly think that separation is the way to go. I hope that you don't have any kids. I wish you all the luck in the world with this!
2007-01-21 07:07:34 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋