i had a finacee (been going out for 7 years) and we have a 4 year old son. since last jan. (when she went home for the holidays) things were really messed up and i heard she met a guy. i tried to make things work (when she returned), but failed. after 4 months of trying, there were just too many lies & all other issues and i made her return to her town (she left our son with me). 2 weeks after i tried again (by meeting her in a new city)and decided that we would start fresh. she had to go back and get her stuff and again probs. began. at this point i decided to send my son (who was with me) to canada to be with my parents as they could take better care of him. i later joined him. while i was there i tried calling her back, but she decided to officially have a relationship with the guy she met in jan. even though everyone told her that he is a player. now she is calling me,crying and begging to come back, accepting all her faults and claiming never to repeat.
what should i do?
2007-01-21 06:44:13 · 10 answers · asked by ali k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you should run away from her as fast as you can and never look back. It's one thing if someone's feelings change or they have doubts about the relationship and talk to you and are HONEST about things (even things they are confused about or need space or whatever). She could have even been upfront with you and asked for some time to sort out her feelings. Trust and honesty are the most important foundations of a healthy relationship. She's already broken this with you, before even getting married. What makes you think things will get better later? Keep in mind, people tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning and, after some time, you can better differentiate between 'manners' and the person's true personality. No one is saying she is a bad person, but it just doesn't sound like she's the one, particularly since you have a child who's sense of security and stability must be taken into consideration.
2007-01-21 06:57:32 · answer #1 · answered by °ĠיִяĿỵ° 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, i think you did your part by giving her a chance even after you knew about the guy. She made her decision. Do not let her fall back on you now that the other guy puttin her through hell. You reap what you sow and that is what she is getting. It is not your job to save her. People like that is best to love from afar b/c she doesnt even know what she wants. She now sees that when she was with you compared to now is probably alot better.She is an ex for a reason now. Why in the world would everything be different? Maybe for a month but once she gets comfortable again i bet she goes back to her ways. People are placed in your life for a reason, season and a lifetime. I think that her season is up. Now i understand the want to have your son in a stable family but i can not respect a woman who leaves her child or puts her own needs ahead of her own flesh and blood (child). That guy was more important then; leave her where she at!!!! Stay blessed!
2007-01-21 06:58:51 · answer #2 · answered by shay80800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all fine and dandy she has accepted her faults, but don't you find it a little funny that no matter how hard you have tried she didnot want to give it a chance until the "grass was no longer greener on the other side" so to speek. I have had to deal with something simular this last year. No matter what you will always hold a spot in your heart for her but do you really want to keep putting your life on hold for a woman who only wants to be with you (from what you are saying) when there is no one else right there for her. My question is did she see her son at all during this time? What kind of woman can just walk away from her child for another man?
When all else fails and you still do not know what to do...pray. I wish you all the luck in the world with this.
2007-01-21 06:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by mixedupwife 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are: admiration, respect, passion and trust.... four really biggies... You don't trust her, she has shared her passion with other(s) and for sure the admiration and respect you had for her are in the toilet with everything else.... Hon, you don't have much with this lady but a child.... do you like being a door mat?? You are being treated as the "jerk in reserve". and yes, she sure is a game player if what you have said here is true... There are things that are just true --- "once a cheater, always one", for sure is true.... and each of these guys are just bridges until she can find someone who she likes better..... she is already in relationships---- they just aren't with you, even tho you have a child together....
There are dozens of great, wonderful women out there who would love to be in your life, and you'll find them anywhere.... and they are indeed on line -- Yahoo personals, Match etc. You'll also find some nut cases just like in the seat next to you in church
You can't be a door mat unless you want to be.... get a few session of counseling to find out why you think this kind of treatment is all you deserve.... Good luck, hon. You deserve a faithful partner -- we all do.
2007-01-21 07:01:13 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to really do some soul searching on that one. You have to really be in love with her to give her another chance, and that's only if you really feel that she is genuinely sorry for hurting you, and your son. Make sure that you don't just love her as a friend and as your son's mother, and are feeling sorry for her, she did'nt feel sorry for you when she hurt you. Just weigh everything carefully. Good luck, prayers wouldn't hurt either.
2007-01-21 07:06:49 · answer #5 · answered by espee65 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must do what you think is best for your child. is only seeing his mother going in and out of his life going to help him (cause if she cheated once she probably will again)
if you truly believe you can raise the child and provide a stable life without her than that's what you need to do.
by accepting her back i believe you are asking for more heartache and aggravation in your life.
2007-01-21 07:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im not sure but i think if she really loved you how would she have done all that she did and no offense but shes not such a great mother to just leave her son like that without caring you probably shouldnt forgive her i wouldnt but its all up to you
2007-01-21 06:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't take her back. She wanted to have fun and now she's hurt. I think that you should just move on. I know that you love her but she'll do this again...I'm sure of it. Good luck!
2007-01-21 06:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sure u are hurting....God hates a broken heart....He wants to help u if u are willing to let Him into your heart....He is love and loves you.....God bless ya
2007-01-21 06:59:29 · answer #9 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know...do you love her? Will you trust her?
2007-01-21 06:51:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋