I caught my wife having a sexual and emotional relationship with a person she worked with. It eventually ended, but I am very sure she has had a few other sexual encounters with other men afterward. She says she loves me everyday. She could do much more to prove that. It really bothers me that she went out and had all this sex on the side, and I have remained faithful doing everything possible for her to not stray outside our marriage. I am now very frustrated that she has taken up on the opportunitys to have something different. I too have had desires and opportunitys, but now I feel well within my rights to take up a on a recent offer from a woman we both know. She is divorced so it won't ruin any relationships except mine if she finds out. In some ways I don't care, in other ways, I want to do everything possible to keep my marriage and put all this past us. The desire of this opportunity along with a feeling of revenge is getting to me. Is the feeling of revenge normal?
2007-01-21 05:38:57 · 12 answers · asked by Freddy123 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wanting revenge is normal, but what does it solve? I do understand your anger and pain; I have lived through the same experience. However, your first priority is to get counseling for this. You are angry, hurt, and humiliated; that's normal. But sleeping with someone else is not going to solve the problem. If anything, it makes it worse. Do you still love your wife? If you do, you don't want to worsen a bad situation. If you don't, you need to file for divorce. Forgiving is the most difficult thing to do as human beings; it goes against everything in us. It is especially hard to forgive infidelity in a relationship; it is the betrayal of the worst way. Why? Because the person to whom we give everything to, emotionally and spiritually, has let us down. What we thought was just the two of us has been given to another. The experience of being together has been cheapened, and you feel as though everything you worked together for didn't mean anything to the other person. Trust me; I know. It took massive counseling for me to come to terms with everything. I still have my good and bad days; my spouse has been trying to make amends. Most days, I'm okay with that. Sometimes, I'm still very angry at him (on those days, I let him know I want to be left alone, and he respects that). This is going to take counseling, on both sides, to sort out what happened and why. It is never just sex, remember that. If she still loves you, she will go. If she doesn't, then you know where you stand, and go from there. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-21 05:55:23 · answer #1 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking every ones permission to have an affair the answer is no. Your wife seems very comfortable living with you and enjoying her cake while eating it. You are providing a nice, safe comfortable home where she can say she loves you and then has her affairs. She comes home, all is forgiven and go on to the next one. Are there children involved? The best is for you to go to marriage counseling together to find out why she has such low self esteem that she feels compelled to go outside of marriage for sex. On the other hand, you must do more or better things in the bedroom for her. She is not getting her emotional needs met at home.
2007-01-21 05:49:49 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course its normal but don't do it. Although you feel like it would be justified to cheat on your wife to get even it brings you down to her level. Hopefully you are not that kind of person. Have you been to marriage counseling? You should tell her what you need to feel more secure and work on your marriage. If it doesn't work out just get divorced instead of cheating. The feeling of revenge is normal but acting on it is not. Stay Strong and work on it. Good Luck
2007-01-21 06:47:48 · answer #3 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's quite normal to want to see the spouse who made us suffer, suffer herself. but usually backfires on the one who is seeking the revenge for some reason. but u did the right thing, it's u who can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience. but beware of women who make offers that could ruin your marriage. you are torn between wanting your marriage to work, but at the same time not trusting that it will. two wrongs never make a right, we all are judged by what we do and our motives for doing it, and than theres karma to think about. if u want to sneak about and cheat on her because she did it to u, than u need to just get a divorce, it is never good to repay a bad with another bad. no excuse at all. got to either move past it or leave her up to u. but chances are if this woman made u this offer, that her morals are also in question, and she also has issues about right and wrong. not someone u want to be with., unless u can see some future with this woman, she seems like a predator really, someone after someone Else's husband. no different than the man who went after your wife really.
2007-01-21 05:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife shows no remorse and keeps up with her same old ways then you would not be off base in wanting to get back at her. She sounds like she is not into the marriage much if she is getting emotional and having sex with others. so leave now and end it with her or suffer for the rest of your life.
2007-01-21 05:44:39 · answer #5 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's actually perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Does she know that you know what she has done? In any case, don't do it! Do not put yourself on her level. you're obviously better than that. I think i would be getting a divorce though. There are plenty of women out there that would love to have a guy who remained faithful! I don't think she's worth staying with. Don't be like her.
2007-01-21 05:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by engineer46526 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever time a women has cheated on me and soon as I forgive them they turned around and did it again.
You my friend have a bad wife. I hate to say it but I have dated allot of girls and by the sound of what you said it sounds like she is someone that uses her sweet talk to lure you back only so she can continue to cheat on you. I would personally leave her. But that's up to you to decide.
I feel bad for you man, But I do congratulate you for being true and not cheating on her yet. I also would advise you not to cheat on her and just divorce her. In my experiences 85% the women that cheated on me came crawling back. She will most likely do the same to you however if you do decide to go back out with her then you are only setting your self up to fall again.
Also remember that you are wasting time with her when you can be with someone that turely loves you and will remain true.
2007-01-21 05:49:16 · answer #7 · answered by AlienJack J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
revenge? what is there in revenge? find out how she really feels then go from there. if she loves you, then fall back on love and forgive! if she says she isnt in love with you, move on. revenge wont do anything but drag it out. do you remember why you married her?
if you still feel the same now as you did then, dont let anger get in the way
2007-01-21 05:46:28 · answer #8 · answered by icameheretosleepnotchat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is normal but not right as two wrongs never make it right and it does not help anything at all.... You need help and counseling to get past this and you need to let her go and move on with your life if you cannot forgive her and let the past be the past and work on your marriage. Seek help and counseling for this marriage if at all possible.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-21 05:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is very normal to feel that way, but do not act on it! Two wrongs don't make a right.Try counseling or church . That is if you want to try to make your marriage work.
2007-01-21 09:36:34 · answer #10 · answered by lovely 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋