How can I be a good wife to my demanding husband?

Question

I'm six months pregnant....yet I still cook, clean, do his laundry, etc. while I take a break from school and work until the baby is born.....Unfortunately nothing I do seems to meet his standards.
I know he loves me, but his expectations are off the charts.
I cannot possibly live up to them.
(He has even changed his mind about my taking off work, and demands that I begin working by Monday!)
Help!
Any Adivce?

Answer 1

Well there are many problems here, ma'am. First it sounds as if he has been able to be demanding and it is now a habit for him and part of the make up of your marriage.
A husband who truly loves his wife does not demand or make those kind of requirements especially when his wife is pregnant. That is a time to cherish and care for the woman he loves. I sense that there are a lot of things that are not going well in the relationship.
That kind of control can lead to emotional abuse. And it usually intensifies during pregnancy. The man is no longer the main focus because the woman also has to take care of her body and the baby. He begins to feel threatened and will demand things and be more controlling.
Ask yourself this: Do you want this man to act that way in front of your child? Will he be a kind and loving father? Will your child have unfair demands put on them just because your husband says so? Think about what life will be like after the baby. Ma'am there will be a lot more demands on you and your time and he will need to help you out physically and emotionally. Can you say without a doubt that he will.
I would suggest that you really start listening to and observing how he treats you, what he does to make the relationship healthy, and how does he contribute to making your lives together happy. Talk with him about his expectations and yours. If you go back to work........what will he do. Marriage is fifty fifty.
Tell him what you will be capable of doing. If he is not willing to listen or talk then just skip it........you know he doesn't really care for your well being.
Leaving when you are six months pregnant is probably not the answer that you want to hear and would cause financial distress along with emotional. But, begin making a plan. If you are going to leave.............start saving little bits of money out of your salary.
Begin building credit....begin building the best life you can for your child and yourself.
Take time to reflect is this the kind of life you want for your baby...and do you really deserve to be treated like this.
The answer is no. You deserve to be treated like a queen.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to change his behavior unless he realizes that he's being unreasonable. I suggest you begin by getting yourself into some counselling or some assertiveness training so that you can learn how to let him know his behavior is not acceptable without setting off a time bomb. It sounds like he is an extreme control freak and if this is your first child, he may also be suffering from some "separation anxiety" from you. He's seeing that the baby is already taking your time and energy away from him and that is going to increase with the birth. It's essential that you and he find a way to communicate so that you can figure out just what's been going on. I don't know if he ever strikes you or not, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did, especially if you stood up to him or said "no" to some of his demands. You may need to make sure you have a safe place you can go to just in case. Good luck to you,

Answer 3

Yeah.....tell him to find a new place to live. This is only going to get worse after the baby comes, when you really need help taking care of yourself, the house and most importantly....the baby.

If you don't come first now (in this short amount of time when you're pregnant), then why do you think you or your child will mean anything to this man once the baby comes??

I was married to a selfish man for 15 years.....everything he wanted came first, above the children and I. If you don't have a good, loving, helpful, caring man now....it's not going to get any better.

You say he loves you? How do you know this??

I would drop him.

Answer 4

Instead of asking how to BETTER serve this lazy slug, why not ask us how you could best knock him off his high horse? I say cut him off. Refuse to be his mother. As long as you keep doing "motherly" things for him, he will continue treating you like his mother: someone he whines to when he doesn't feel good, someone he wants to hold his hand when he screws up really bad. And the worst part of this is what kind of attraction does a man have for his mother? Or a mother-type person? None, that's what. As his mother, you'll lose both his respect and his sexual attentions. So just stop yourself next time you bend down to pick his dirty underwear off the bathroom floor. Wash your clothes not his. Make yourself something to eat, but not him. Keep your side of the bedroom neat, ignore his. While doing this you also have to make sure you don't neglect your own chores, like YOUR dishes, your mess. Let him see you cleaning up after YOURSELF, like a regular ADULT, and when he asks what your bloody problem is, you can tell him that you understand he is a big strong adult male, or certainly does not need a mere woman to help him with menial daily tasks. Such a man looks after himself, his strength is admired.
What's he going to do? Contradict you and say he's NOT a full grown man who can look after himself? I don't think so.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I did it all when I was pregnant, but did not work outside the home. I suggest you sit and talk with him and let him know how you feel about this. If not problems could happen. If he loves you then he will sit and talk to you. Ask for a little help from him. After all you are carrying his kid. Communication is a big key in a relationship. Good Luck.

Answer 6

What is he going to do when you tell him to go blow. I do think that quiting work this early in your pregnancy was dumb, you should work as long as you can. but then the house would not be as clean so you will have to get him to grow up and quit being an ***. he can have you work too and the house not be so clean unless he helps too or you stay home and keep the house. Ask him what is up his butt about all this crap. If you go back to work them you want someone to come in and clean, 2 times a week , you can not do it all. Stand up for yourself girl you sound like a rug, a spineless one.

Answer 7

WOW dump him that's all I see.I don't think so. Women go through allot of emotions daring this time, leaving right know is not the answer. Is this his child? I would bet any amount of money as soon as his baby is born he will change!! It takes big life changes ,like having a baby, for men to open their eyes. Some are like that, I'm one.

Answer 8

I think your husband has big problems. Instead of being so demanding he should be helping you out right now. We aren't in the "caveman" days anymore. It sounds like no matter what you do he isn't going to be happy. Your going through enough right now as it is. He should be more considerate of you instead of more demanding. If he loves you then why is he putting you through this? I would do some serious thinking and try talking to him. Good Luck

Answer 9

tell him to back off,you will end up burning out and suffering,i dont know whole situation but some dads can get jealous of new arrival,but your bloke needs a few harsh words.the mum is the boss now as its her who needs all the love and help until the baby is about 18 months sometimes older.kick up the backside from the whole of yahoo

Answer 10

you must say what you want it's not always what he wants because love is not love if you drain yourself to nourish other person... sometimes it's hard to deal with this but you must be firm... tell him what you want because you also have the right to demand! especially your 6 months preggy... how about if he's on your case... he must understand your situation.

>first talk to him, what's his expections from you and tell him what your expectations from him and have an agreement.

>try to do the things that will make him happy...

>try to understand him if you can

>do your best in all things because you will be a good mother soon

>try to be brave, be strong to face your "burden"

>talk to him often in a nice way... kind words soften the heart even the fiercest beast... (like kingkong) heheheheh

>laugh often show to him that you're happy it helps your child be happy to

>just be loving, kind and true to him... i know this is tough but you have to face it... be yourself and be ahppy that you will have your baby soon and you have a husband who loves you even though he's demanding...