Does he want to leave me? I feel worried about this talk?

Question

My long-distance boyfriend of 3 years told me last night that he's fed up to come home always to an empty flat alone and that he was wishing I was there. I thought it's sweet and told him that I miss him too,that it'd be nice if we could organise a meeting. We see each other about once a month. This morning he sent me a text that he didn't say it to be sweet and that he's fed up of having a girlfriend who's far and that it's been too long like this and he doesnt want to continue like this. I told him that I understand him but what does he want to do? He said we really need to think about it and he said not to expect always a solution from him, I also need to do something. He was looking for a job near me but could not find one. I started to be scared and asked him if he wants to end it. He got upset and told me that I always take everything as a threat instead of trying to find a solution with him and that he doesn't like that. He said to stop worry like that. We'll talk tonight.

Answer 1

ok theres no need to keep repeat posting this question.We heard you the first, second and third time.just wait and see what he has to say.

Answer 2

I guess 3 years is quite a long time to try to keep a relationship going long-distance. It sounds like he's dissatisfied and frustrated with the situation, but at least he wants to discuss it with you and try to find a solution. That doesn't sound to me like someone who wants to dump you.

Try not to be defensive about it, as you'll only risk pushing him away. He's lonely without you, so what other solutions might there be? Can you look for a job nearer him? Could you both move somewhere else where there might be opportunities for both of you?

These are longer-term solutions, but what about the short term? Could you see each other any more often? Could you have a long-weekend or a holiday together?

You don't say how you feel about this long-distance relationship. Perhaps it suits you to maintain your own lifestyle and only see him from time to time? It's sort of like security without a full-time committment. Or perhaps you feel as bereft and unhappy as he does when you are apart? You need to thinks about this, and be honest.

It sounds like what he is telling you is that it is time to decide where your relationship is going, and that perhaps he is ready to take the next step. Are you? You say you are scared he wants to end it - is this because you cannot live without him, or because you have got into a comfortable routine?

If you are not ready to begin building a life together, rather than apart, I think you need to be very honest about this. It may mean your relationship ends, but if you try to hold onto him without giving him the committment he needs, then I fear it would die a slow, painful death anyway.

Try to listen to what he needs, without letting fear get in the way. Then tell him, honestly, what you need. If you are meant to be together, you will be able to work things out together.

Good luck

Felida

Answer 3

it seems that someone needs to have a very serious talk with her bf. I also feel that he is wright, decisions that effect two people should be made by two not one. NO pressure needs to be given on either side but feelings have got to come out in a positive way that both parties get what they ask for. Ask yourself is it that important to be where you are, to be so far away from him and see each other only once a month, do you really feel that this is the kind of situation you wish to be in at this point in your life??

But speak to him and offer put something concrete on the neogiation table, think clearly and positively that a solution can be made and kepted by the two of you not just one of you.

Hope I assisted in some small way my dear.
Cheers! Good luck always!

Answer 4

Obviously I don't know what your situation is but have you tried looking for a job or something near him? It's tough being in a long-distance relationship but if it's gone this far and you both want it to go further but are struggling then it looks like some sacrifices need to be made. Maybe you could both look for jobs in the same area (whether it's where you live at the moment or somewhere new to both of you) or you could try moving towards him and getting a job there if he can't get a job near you? good luck.

Answer 5

To be honest it doesn't sound to hopeful. But i can understand- once a month is just not enough. He sounds like he wants you to make the decision of moving closer to him or ending it. So that way he gets off scot free. He prob still likes you but is frustrated about being committed and getting none of the perks. So my advice would be to ask what does he really want? And to ensure him that you will be strong whatever the outcome. There is no point continuing a dead relationship. I guess he wants you to get your priorities straight and thinks that he should be one high on the list. I don't know the situation but maybe he thinks you are putting him second to other things in your life like your job or family?! Hope that helps. Be strong in your talk and let him know how you feel without sounding needy or clingy.

Answer 6

It sounds to me he wants you to make the move, or show your love more towards him. He said he's had enough (fed up) with the current situation and would like a change, but don't expect him to come up with a way to solve this problem which is owned by BOTh of you. He may be a bit tired of the way it is, or a bit lonely out there. Whatever it is, it's not too healthy.

Move closer to him, man needs to be pampered to feel loved and needed.

Also, whether he wants to leave you or not doesn't make much difference now. The most important thing now is to make up for it by being with him more, by staying closer.

Good luck.

Answer 7

The best thing for you to do is just listen to him, see what he thinks. He says he doesn't want you to expect him to solve the problem, and so far it seems that your options are fairly limited. The problem in a long distance relationship is that it needs to stop being long distance at one point and maybe this is the time where you need to think about moving to where he is. If you can't then it might be best for both of you to end this.

Answer 8

I think you have to go with him on this one. What the constructive solution for you both? If you both want to be together then what, apart from distance, is stopping you? Maybe one of you will have to change job but realistically, in the long run, if you want to be together then one of you is going to have to up sticks and move.
Your boyfriend has some valid points but it's interesting because it is normally the woman in a relationship who wants some commitment and a joint home. I'd say he wants the two of you to be more committed towards each other and he is desperately searching for a solution so you're together more. But in order to satisfy what he wants, one of you is going to have to move. Will it be you, is that what you are preapred to do? If you're not then be honest and be fair with him. He wants a live-in girlfriend, that's clear.

Answer 9

Yes Sweetheart, he is done with you, he may have even found someone else. Let me tell you about long distance relat, The one I live with now, we met online, long distance, well after almost a year, she came to live with me, we have lived together 3 years now. She drives me insane!! The distance at first was putting alot of miles on my car and my time frome my kids, it had to change, just did it change for the better or worse. Think about it, there are a gabillionjillion men out there, many of which would love to be with you, tell him not to fret, you have decided to not do the long distance thing anymore, that Carnage is close by and that his "services" are no longer needed, as a man, that would be a kick in the boys, even if you were done and lookin for a way out. just the thought that maybe you have been seein someone else met online is gut smackin, trust me! But any light, take time out for you, find a man for you, closer by. Take care and good luck, Mr. Carnage. P.S. You may use my name for his refrence, I got your back

Answer 10

He's saying that he's sick of not "having you" with him he wants a normal "daily" girlfriend not a once a month gf, hes saying that its time u got off ur azz and tried to find something where he lives since he's tried where u live.. and he is thinking if u gave a damn about having a real relationship u'd be trying as hard as he is to make it "really" happening instead of just being content with the online romance and once a month visit..

Basically this is whats going to happen.. if u dont start showing an effort of really wanting to be with him, meaning to where he is.. that he's giving up he feels he's wasting his life on someone that isnt every going to move to the next level of their relationship..

He''s about this close <---------> to totally dumping u if u dont start showing real effort in this relationship.

Answer 11

Three years is a long time for a long distance relationship. it sounds like it might be a make or break thing, but don't look at the negative. he's thinking things need to change. either you move on to the next level of your relationship and actually make each other your priority and take drastic steps to live together or at least nearer, OR you break up. it sounds like he wants the first option. Can't you move closer?