and i'm bi, not that that makes any difference really..and i have never even told it to his face that i'm bi but i've given my parents all kinds of hints that tells them that i am not straight. i just don't understand that why does he think he has the right to tell them that. to make things worse all our relatives are old and very christian.
2007-01-21 04:09:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
i feel like he has let me down by not giving me the option to choose wheather or when to tell our relatives. she told my 50 year old aunt who tells everybody's business and gossips about the family so i'm sure she forwarded the word to my grandparents, damn i don't know what to do.
2007-01-21 04:53:00 · update #1
tell them he abused you as a child and that is why you hate men
2007-01-21 04:26:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That was an ill-considered, insensitive thng for him to do. It's sad when people you trust let you down.
You don't say what kind of relationship you have with your father, how old you are, how he feels about lesbianism / bisexuality, or even if he knows the difference.
Assuming the best case - that he is knowledgeable, you are in your late teens (as opposed to early), that he is not homophobic and that you are close - the best thing would be to talk to him about it. Just tell him how you feel and that you are not lesbian, that you are bisexual. Ask him why he did that. And tell him you'd like him to go around to all the relatives and say you're not a lesbian, that he misunderstood (he doesn't even have to say that you're bi).
In any of the other cases, you might easily be wasting your breath. But it can't hurt to try and it could improve your relationship with him.
If that doesn't work, you could try enlisting the help of your mother. Have essentially the same talk with her, perhaps skipping the talk with your father if you think she would be more cooperative. Ask her to tell the relatives that he misunderstood.
If you think neither of your parents would be amenable, you're stuck with doing it yourself. If any of the relarives confront you, deny being a lesbian. It is the truth. And you may need to arm yourself with the standard rebuttals to fundy christian anti-homosexual dogma. I've included some links below.
The lesson that might be learned from all of this is that it's better not to drop hints when coming out, but rather to have a discussion where you make it clear what you want them to know and how you feel about them talking to others about it.
Good luck!!
2007-01-21 13:20:52 · answer #2 · answered by ftm_poolshark 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
two senarios:
1. you've told him that you are BI and NOT lesbian:
it sounds like he's generalizing. he sees the two (lesbian and bi) as the same thing. you should inform him of difference in lifestyles etc. maybe he thinks that if you are just half gay you are whole gay? tell him that that's not the case.
2.you've just told him that you are lesbian. inform him that you are bi and what that means. you'd be surprised how many people don't understand.
2007-01-21 12:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's being very childish that's for certain. I don't know why, but I would suspect because he feels betrayed that you're not straight. Out of anger he's going around telling the rest of the family in escence to "hate you as much as he does."
Try encouraging him that no matter what you still love him, that you didn't choose to be who your are, but aren't about to lie just to make him feel more comfortable about it.
Try getting him to find a PFLAG chapter in your area.
2007-01-21 12:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by DEATH 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
so you drop hints.....but dislike his behavior
dropping hints is what kids do......adults have conversations, set rules and boundaries....and explain the situation........that is the basic problem here!
if dad is confused on the bi or lesbian thing it is because you did not clarify it to him.........so he will be mistaken, confused
i don't think you dad always did this....this is a new situation...and he is seeking input from others on the matter.....
what do you do when your confused...keep it to yourself ...or try and get information to clear up the matter
dropping hints the bad way to go.....confusion reigns...as you are now experiencing.......you owe dad an apology for dropping hints rather than talking it out
nothing is worse than getting partial information to go on!....
2007-01-21 20:45:26 · answer #5 · answered by Jonathan L 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you have never made it officially clear as to your bisexuality.. people just assume everyone is one or the other. they don't even consider the possibility that someone could like both.. bottom line, it's none of his business to spread false rumors around the family.. call him out in public in front of everyone and ask him why he's spreading these "lesbian lies" around.. ask him what his motive is.. and tell him it is very "unchristian" to judge and make false statements of others
2007-01-21 12:14:31 · answer #6 · answered by Jeff 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has no right to tell them. It is your business and yours alone. You should be the one coming out to your family, but only when you are ready. You dad is out of line.
2007-01-21 12:38:40 · answer #7 · answered by Hmmm... 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that he's just really proud of you? Or is he telling them to focus attention on him by feigning heartbreak or something? If your mother is still around tell her about your concerns privately and get her opinion on why he feels the need to do this. You know that after your talk she will speak to him about it on your behalf.
2007-01-21 13:10:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know the reason.....but it's sad that your father is doing that. I found out my son is gay.... but I left the decision up to him...as to .....if....how... and when ....he chose to tell the rest of the family. I stood by him and no one has stopped loving him. Good luck.....
2007-01-21 12:23:44 · answer #9 · answered by Blondie B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's just looking for "righteous" attention, and loves that gossipy feeling.
2007-01-21 12:29:17 · answer #10 · answered by Alias400 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋